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Grief Healing Discussion Groups

qbee817

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  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    Good Grief Support/Leonardtown, MD
  1. Thanks Kay. I did pretty good on Christmas day actually. It hit me the day after. I was visiting relatives and almost burst into tears for no apparant reason. I guess I'd bottled it up. I let it go when I got home. qbee
  2. I am SO sorry and I feel so sad for you. All I can say is I understand how you feel. I felt like my heart and insides had been ripped out literally. I never knew before that you're could actually "hurt", mine did and does. I've lost other loved ones and I grieved but NOTHING ever effected me like this did. The pain and the thoughts are indescribable. I know this probably isn't much comfort to you right now, but I wanted to write you to let you know you are not alone in these feelings and thoughts. They are horrible and unbearable. Vicki
  3. I am so sorry for the loss of your fiance. It is so recent for you, I know the pain is unbearable. People just don't understand. Maybe I didn't either before I went thru this unbearable, horrible grief. I went thru the holidays last year just wanting it all to go away. I did not deal with it in a healthy way and hit rock bottom. There's nothing I can say to make you feel the least bit better but thank goodness for the support we all get thru this site. Take care, Vicki
  4. Dear Fi, Thank you for responding to my post. I very rarely post but I espcially troubled and do, I always find comfort and understanding. I'm sorry too that Carl is gone, I looked at the wonderful site in his honor. Thank God, I do have a few dear friends, who were friends of ours and we can reminince. They miss him. It's just most times I feel so alone in all this...I imagine most of us here do. Take care of yourself. Vicki
  5. It has been almost 19 months since the man I loved passed away. I am coping bettwr but no matter what I am doing I always have this constant nagging sadness inside of me and think of him all the time. We had only been together about 7 months but we truly loved each other. We had found the trust, companionship and friendship that neither of us had in our marriages. He died suddenly as I held him. I am espcially miss him so with the holidays. It was 2 years ago during Christmas that we became so close. I feel the overwhelming sadness creeping in as I try to fight it off. I do not want to become the total emotional and physical wreck I was last year at this time. I I have 2 adult children who do not understand my grief. They seem to think I should be "over it". They do not or won't understand that I could totally love someone with all my heart and soul other than their father (even though we have been divorced for 5 years). My daughter is having Christmas dinner at her house which includes my ex husband. He isn't the problem though. I know I should be and I am grateful to be able to spend Christmas with my daughter and son, they are healthy. My Dad will be there and I am grateful for his health and that he is still here with me. My fear is my thoughts of how I miss my dear friend and companion and afraid I'll become emotional while at my daughter's. Sometimes I just can't turn off my feelings of loneliness even when I'm with my children or friends. I'm just afraid of fighting a meltdown and failing around them. They will not understand. They cannot even understand why I keep his things. They ask me why I keep it, he's dead. I'm tired of justifying my feelings for him. If I ever bring up things we did together, they just look at me like they don't want to hear it. He gave me more compassion, understanding, love, honesty and friendship than their father gave me in 20 years of marriage. I'm tired of feeling like I shouldn't mention his name when I do...he was my love and my life even though it was only for a short period of time. I wouldn't have changed anything and I was blessed and grateful for the time we had together. I guess what I'm getting at, is that I'm afraid of my emotions overwhelming me, what their reaction will be, etc. I'm just confused and sad. Thanks for listening, qbee
  6. I haven't visited this site for awhile. I thought I had a handle on my grief but I was so wrong. It's been 15 months since I lost companion/best friend. It's been a struggle with all these stages I go thru. Struggle, struggle, struggle. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of feeling like this, sick of missing him, sick of trying to get thru this, sick of it all. All day I've been fighting tears or giving in to them. I went back to grief counseling last week. I was starting a new chapter in my life after a divorce after 25 years of marriage. It took me over 3 years after the divorce to even be interested in companionship again. I met the most wonderful person of my entire life, who brought out the love in me that had been buried over the years. We were together only 6 months and he died suddenly in our living room. I am lost and I don't even want to have a heart anymore. I know there a so many people who have been thru worse than me, but all I wanted to be was happy. I had been unhappy for so many years and I found happiness and love. Then in a matter of minutes he was ripped away. I don't understand and know there is no way to understand. Thanks for listening and I just hope someone can relate to these crazy thoughts.
  7. Your experience sounds so similiar to mine, only your loss is much more recent. I am new here also and hope to find something...understanding, etc. for when I'm alone.
  8. Dear Marty, Thank you so much for responding to my post. It means alot and is reassuring to me that I'm not being too hard on myself or torturing myself. I do take time every day as you suggested. I have done this almost every evening since he passed away, but alot of the time I get overwhelmed with emotion at any time of the day, no matter where I am or what I am doing. The other night I had company, I was having a nice time. I felt the sadness creeping in and after awhile I just excused myself into another room to be alone. My best friend was here, she knew what was wrong and came into to be with me. I try to control it and at times I just can't. It overwhelms me no matter how hard I try (I fight to control it when I'm around friends, etc.) I do write in a journal and the writings always turn into letters that I would write to him. I have been going to a support group since July but they only meet once a month. But I do love going and look forward to it. I'm especially looking forward to next week's since I'm having such a hard time right now. I don't know if I mentioned it or not, but it was this time last year that we became close, so all the lights, etc. are bringing back how happy and excited I was this time last year. Again, thank you for writing to me and the website has been a comfort to me when I'm alone. Vicki
  9. It has been a little over 6 months since the man I loved with all my heart passed away in my arms from a sudden, shocking death. He is still all I think about, from the moment I wake up in the morning until I'm going to sleep at night. He is constantly in the forefront of my thoughts...I find it hard to concentrate at work. Everywhere I go, it's like he should be there. When I'm with friends, I can barely pay attention to what they are saying because I'm thinking he should be here with us. We were not together very long, only 6 short months. I bothers me that he's been gone as long as we were together. It seems like yesterday and then again it seems like an eternity since he's been gone. We began our relationship a year ago, in December. All the Christmas lights, etc. make me yearn so bad for last year at this time, I can't stand it. I still cry all the time. Every night. I relive him dying over and over in my head, no matter how hard I try to stop it. I relive everything said and what was done. It's horrible. Then we I think of all the good things, it makes me miss him more..wondering what may have been. I have tried keeping a journal..I cry. Everything and anything reminds me of him. I daydream constantly about the things we did together...conversations word for word....remembering the wonderful, honest, open relationship we had. I miss that SO bad. Even when I'm trying to have a nice time with friends, I have the constant, nagging sadness in me. I guess I just need reassurance that others feel the same as me. I have lost my mother and other family members but I never had the grief (I grieved, don't misunderstand) that I'm experiencing now. It is unbearable, I want him back so bad....I sob and want to just scream. Is it normal to daydream of him constantly? Sometimes it's the only peace I have....thinking of him and how wonderful he was to me. Any help, advice, comments will be so much appreciated. My prayers are with all of you. Vicki
  10. << there was No embarassment or judgement or modesty, or Bull****. We were open and honest about everything..There was nothing we couldn't share with each other...The intimacy between us was on another level...I miss my BEST FRIEND!!! He was the only one who totally understood me and accepted me as I am...he is the ONE person I need to talk to the most about all this pain..and he is the one it's about... >> I could have written these words myself. I lost the most wonderful, caring, understanding, and the most important person in my life 11 weeks ago tomorrow. We were only together a short period of time but it was the happiest I had been in years and years. I loved him so much. He died suddenly, within 10 minutes....he was gone. I relive it over and over and over. Every memory of him is good except that day, and I relive it over and over and over. I have supportive friends....but like you, HE is the one I need to talk to. HE would understand more than anybody and he would listen. I sob every night and tell him I NEED to talk to him. Sometimes I feel like he's telling me that it's alright and all I can think of is that it's not alright , nothing is right about this, he should still be here and this shouldn't have happened. I want him back so bad I could scream, just to talk one more time. I can't take this contineous pain, my heart feels like it's being ripped out all the time. I have lost my mother and many other relatives. I grieved and miss them terribly, but nothing to the extent of this horrible, contineous anquish. He was the most best friend I've ever had or ever will have in my life. He took my heart and soul with him and I pray he knows that and we'll see each other in the afterlife. That's all I can hope for now, I don't feel that I have anything or any purpose anymore.
  11. Your words describe me except I have not drawn away from friends and family. My friends have been my lifeline. I lost the most dear, important, wonderful person in the word to me on May 22, suddenly in our living room. He was 38. My friend and I performed CPR until the paramedics arrived but we were never able to get a pulse. This has been the most devestating thing in my life. I have lost my mother and all of my grandparents. Yes I grieved for them, but nothing to the extent of this. I was divorced after a 20 year marriage, it took me 3 years to recover from that. I met this wonderful man who treated me better in 7 months than my ex did in 20 years. I could not have loved him any more if we had been married. And for him to be taken from me in such a short period of time is killing me. Everyone tells me to be grateful for the time we had together and I am, but I am so lost and lonely. I feel as though I'm obsessed with this grief. He is on my mind from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep and then in my dreams. I can't focus on conversations with my friends, I'm thinking of him. He's everywhere in the house, the yard, the car. I can't move anything of his because it's where he left it. I sob and talk to him. I had an overwhelming sadness at work one day and was trying to get myself together and out of the blue my supervisor started repremanding me on something. I got so upset I went to the restroom and cried, and then got angry and walked out on my job. I have never, ever walked out on a job before. I joined a grief support group but they only meet once a month. I do have an appointment with a counselor next week. I just want to feel better, he will always be my heart and soul forever....I just want to feel better.
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