I have lost my beloved silky "Mui Mui" on July 14 due to multiple complications and it still hurts like hell. Logically, I understand that it is to her best interest to let her go, but I missed her so terribly! I tried to occupy myself with work but things just seem to fall apart, I have very short memory spans and at times I will find myself staring in the air or wandering around without a purpose, even though I thought I was working. I work with my husband and lately I have became extremely intolerant with him and I have just realised that I am diverting my anger towards him but I can't help it. Even though I appear to be quite normal in front of people (I am still smiling and talking as usual), I know that most of the time I wasn't even listening or paying attention, and that I was just pretending to be OK. I have been crying on my own every night, after every one has fallen asleep, and I still put out food and water for her every day, as if she's still here. I know this sounds stupid but I just want to make sure that they're there for her if she ever comes back, and that she'll know mommy misses her and hasn't deserted her. I tried very hard to act normal and to keep up with my daily chores, but deep down inside nothing really mattered, my pride and joy is gone and nothing is of importance. I try to hang in there just because I don't want my family to worry about me, especially my elderly parents who are already quite devastated themselves because of Mui Mui. I have lost other pets before but somehow this time it is so different. A part of me has gone with her and I felt so numb, except for the pain... How am I supposed to get through this? How can I overcome the pain and grief and heal? I understand all the logical parts such as letting go, cry if you need to and all, but nothing has improved. I tried to play with other people's dogs but I actually felt a kind of resentment towards them. I thought about volunteering as a foster parent for dog rescues but I am not sure if this will help at all, as it may make me miss Mui Mui more. I am refraining from getting another Silky right away because I am not sure how I will react or how what I will feel. I just felt lost, impatient, terribly sad and my heart bleeds...
