Deb

Thank you. I think he knew it was his time, he was very clingy for a week before he left me. We brought his ashes home yesterday, and I am slowly feeling better. I was truely blessed to have him in my life. This has been a rough year, my father in law passed away after struggling with lung cancer. He was in so much pain that it was a relief that he had finally passed. (in fact every member of the family had said a prayer the day he left asking that his suffering be relieved). I hope my days of crying in the car on the way home will end soon.

Loki was my beautiful black cat. He was 15 years old and just had a vet visit. I picked him up to cuddle him, he stiffend up and made a horrible noise. He was dead a minute later. We took him to an emergency vet and they said he either had a heart attack or stroke. They tell me it wasn't my fault and that he would have had the heart attack even if I had not picked him up. Everyone tells me that at least he died when I was holding him, and that it was quick and it was better than a long drawn out process. I still can't get the image of his death out of my mind, and it disturbs me greatly. I have 2 thirteen year old cats in the house, and now every time I hear them make a strange noise I have to go look to see if they are ok. I love all my pets, but I had a very special relationship with Loki. I miss him when I come home and he does not greet me any more. I would give anyting to be able to hold him again and hear his purr.

I am unclear why they took her from assisted care. My grandmother is very mentally aware and is making her own decisions. They live in chicago and we live in NH. The only thing I can think of, without being able to confirm this directly is that they talked her into it to save money. (which is absurd because my parents are pretty well off and have offered to take up any short falls) This is all compounded by the fact that my Uncle hasn't spoken to me or my mom in over 20 years over something that happened when I was 2. (appparently I am guilty via association) She fell and dislocated her shoulder and I think she is still not emotionally dealing well with the loss of her husband. My grandparents were married for more than 65 years and this would be the first time in a LONG time where she has been in the home alone all day. My Dad feels that she is declining quickly and we are afraid that she is just giving up. I am still having problems with speaking to her and to my Mom. My Grandfather went to the hospital because he could not keep food down and had aspirated into his lungs. He refused both a feeding tube, and also a respirator. So the hospital basically gave him morphine to make him comfortable. My family let my Grandfather starve to death. This still disturbes me greatly, and I am either angry with him for doing this or angry with my family for allowing him or angry with myself for somehow doing something or not doing something that would have changed this. Unfortunately the only person in my family that I could talk to about what happened medically and to try to work though this is my Mom. I don't feel that I have the right to bruden her with my grief on top of hers. I "only" lost a grandparent, SHE lost her dad. I wish my grief had a count down timer so I knew how long this will continue. Better yet, I wouldn't mind giving up grief totally.

I just got bad news about my Grandmother. She is still distraught over my grandfather's death and has been declining quickly. I just learned today that she has fallen down and dislocated her shoulder. My Uncle (her son) moved her from the assisted care home and into his house. Since he and his wife aren't home all day she is by herself. My Dad told me she is declining quickly. I am still feeling out of control with my Grandfather and I just don't know how I will even function if I have to deal with this. I know this is horribly selfish of me I just don't know what to do.

My husband practically dragged me out to the doctor's office. I couldn't go to sleep at all, my shoulders and chest would get tight when I tried to lay down to sleep. I felt like I could not breathe. (even though I WAS breathing) When I did go to sleep I would wake up an hour or two later and the whole process would start over. The dr. put me on anti anxiety and sleeping pills, I have to go back to check in with her soon. I don't feel that the sleeping pills put me to sleep, although I stay asleep now. I am getting 6 hours now instead of 3 so I guess that is an improvement. At least I don't feel like I am suffocating at night anymore. I am MUCH more weepy now about my grandfather, I don't know if this makes sense but it was almost like the feeling was too strong for me to feel, or maybe that I was not sleeping so I couldn't process my grief. I still cry at family gatherings. It makes me just feel my loss more deeply. I want to be done with this now.

I am so sorry for your loss. My grandfather passed away 7 months ago. I tried to pretend for everyone too... but the hardest person to pretend for was myself. Please take some time for yourself.

My Grandfather passed away last October. I thought I was doing better and I made it through the holidays mostly ok. (I only cried on my husband's shoulder 3 or 4 times) A couple of weeks ago I was on line buying songs for my Ipod and I found an album that had the HMS Pinifore. My Grandfather had a record of it and would play it and we would march around the living room and sing along. Well the floodgates opened and ever since then, I cry now at the drop of a hat. If my attention wanders, I find myself thinking of him and I bawl. I have to wait for my husband to go to sleep before I go to bed so that I know I won't disturb him when I break down and cry. It isn't that I think he wouldn't be understanding, but I really should be over this by now he doesn't need to worry that his wife is headed for the psycho ward. I keep thinking back to the day he passed now, I thought I could feel a pressure on the top of my head or my shoulder, as if someone were standing behind me an putting their hand there. I have never felt that before or since. I wanted to believe it was him somehow. I keep looking for some sign from him to know that he is there. (what it would be I don't know). My friend wants me to speak to a psychologist, but I am afraid they are going to think I am crazy and do something drastic. It's also quite embarassing for me to discuss. It took me forever to just decide to post it here. Well I will try to get some sleep, fortunately I have tomorrow off so it won't be so bad. Thanks all for listening.

I have had this dream twice now. I dreampt that I was in my Grandfather's garden with him. I dream that I watch him walk into a tree and hurt his head, and he is laying on the ground. I try to use a cell phone, or find some other way to call an ambulance to help him but no one will come. We lost him several years ago to a stroke. My other Grandfather (Pop) passed last month. I would have thought I would be dreaming about him. This dream has been very distressing to me. I am afraid to mention it to anyone because I don't want them to think I am going crazy or worry them. Is this normal?

Oh this was before I lost my Grandfather. Basically my Dr. told me that some people just needed less sleep then looked at my chart and decided that I needed a cholesterol check. I have to be very careful at work now I don't know if it is just lack of sleep, or just coping, or both, but I really mega cranky with everyone. I have to make an effort to be polite, I really hope this really stops soon.

Thank you all for the help. I think it is time for a new Dr. because I did go speak with him about my lack of sleep before this all happened. He lectured me on how not everyone "needs" 8 hours of sleep.

I can't seem to get to sleep until after 3:00. I am tired all day, but I don't seem to be tired enough when everyone else is going to bed. I was having problems before, but now it is a LOT worse. Benedryl makes me sleepy but it had not helped at all. How long should I let this go on before being concerned?

Cariage, I am very sorry about your grandmother. It will get better, although you may not believe me. I will pray for your family as well.

Thank you. It does help me understand his decision. I loved him so much and it hurt me to think he would want to leave us. I thought I was doing better today, I was able to talk about him to my friends and not cry. Then I came home and sobbed for 2 hours. I will always think of him in his workshop.. and listening to classical music.

My grandfather passed away last Friday. He was in the hospital and could not keep his food down. It aspirated into his lungs and he could not breathe. He refused to accept a feeding tube and respirator. They put him on a morphine drip and he died in his sleep a week later. Because of he was several states away, I could not visit him. I pray to God every day and ask to understand his decision, but I can't. I am so angry with him for doing this. The hardest thing for me to deal with is that I feel he starved himself to death and we let him. What if he changed his mind but could not tell us because of the morphine? Should we have forced him to accept treatment? Every day during his last week I was hoping to hear that it was over, and I hated myself for being so selfish. My husband and friends tell me that I will feel better as time goes on, but right now it seems that this is impossible. I know that my Mom and Grandmother are grieving too, but I can't bring myself to talk to them. I don't want them to see me so upset. Thanks for letting me post this... I think it helped a bit to write this down.