ohmyro

Thank you very much and I am sorry for both of your losses as well. I don't know why today seemed to be such a hard day? There's no date significance or anything, but maybe the rain and dreary day had alot to do with it. I feel like I am at a stand still now because I was supposed to start my junior year of college (yes, at 36yrs old) the week that my granny passed, but I took off the semester because it was all too much. I haven't been working either, which some days is a good think because I'm so out of it. But other times I think it would keep me busy. I dreamt about my grandmother last thursday night. Clear as day, when I walked up to her door and saw her standing there I just stood there shocked. She acknowledged that she had died, but was here until I could deal with her gone. (Something to that effect, I should have written it down as soon as I woke up) In the dream, I just sat in the floor and cried after she said that. I woke up soaking wet with sweat. I don't know what to do with all that. Its like I've been more depressed since the dream, but you would think that would give me some kind of solace, huh?

Hello everyone, I just found this site last night when I was up at 3am. My granny passed away August 28,2007. She was 95, lived a good life, blah blah blah,but that doesn't take away this gaping hole that sometimes feels like everyone can see it. I was raised by and lived with my grandparents for most of my childhood/pre teen/teenage years. She taught me about taking care of family, being humble...all the pleasant things. I can honestly say I don't have a bad childhood memory while I lived with them. My dad (I called my granddad) passed when I was 9, he was very sick and it didn't seem to affect me much. But this..... I don't have nightmares of watching her suffer as they changed her dressings from pressure wounds anymore,but I am back to not being able to sleep through the night. I have suffered from depression before, and its rearing its ugly head again now. I feel like I'm at a stand still. Went in hospital for chest pains, had all kinds of tests cuz of family history....nothing.Normal. Feel like I could just cry a river, but it won't come out, got a big lump in my throat. I could go on and on, but then it would be a novel. I just wanted to get it out some, and I write better than I express verbally, so I'm glad if at least one person reads and understands. thanks