Hello everyone, I just found this site last night when I was up at 3am. My granny passed away August 28,2007. She was 95, lived a good life, blah blah blah,but that doesn't take away this gaping hole that sometimes feels like everyone can see it. I was raised by and lived with my grandparents for most of my childhood/pre teen/teenage years. She taught me about taking care of family, being humble...all the pleasant things. I can honestly say I don't have a bad childhood memory while I lived with them. My dad (I called my granddad) passed when I was 9, he was very sick and it didn't seem to affect me much. But this..... I don't have nightmares of watching her suffer as they changed her dressings from pressure wounds anymore,but I am back to not being able to sleep through the night. I have suffered from depression before, and its rearing its ugly head again now. I feel like I'm at a stand still. Went in hospital for chest pains, had all kinds of tests cuz of family history....nothing.Normal. Feel like I could just cry a river, but it won't come out, got a big lump in my throat. I could go on and on, but then it would be a novel. I just wanted to get it out some, and I write better than I express verbally, so I'm glad if at least one person reads and understands. thanks