I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this. I don't have all the answer for you i wish i did. All i can say to you is these images will fade. The only way i could remember my mum was her dying, that lasted for about 6 months. I still see that sometimes i wont lie to you. But most of the time now i remember her as she was before she got ill. Don't worry about failing anyone, those who love you will truly understand. You love your dad so dearly and it hurts so bad. I honestly know. Keep doing what feels right to you. Thinking of you, Charley xx