Art

Hi Kim, I just have to add my two cents worth. I know first hand how down we all feel already without butt-heads like that making it worse. Try not to give the guy another thought. He obviously doesn't deserve you. Anyone who would for any reason say such a thing to woman is not much of a man to start with.

Hi Sherry, I had a really hard time on our first anniversary alone. We had planned on doing something really special as that would have been our 35th anniversary. Obviously it became just a lonely nightmare. I don't know if these times get better as the years pass or not since I've only been through that one at this point. In my opinion the anniversary was really harder than the holidays since it was more personal to us. The hardest thing about this grief process for me is that there just is no alterative. One can (in theory anyway) accept it and just roll with it and hope you make it or you can fight it and hope you can make it. It just doesn't seem to make a lot of difference. I just can't seem to get the hang of accepting and rolling with it though so I try to fight it and find that it just roars back with a vengance and for a time i'm just overwhelmed by it. Its a roller coaster trip with lots of ups and downs but never any fun. Art

Hi Wendy, these are the loneliest of times. It seems everyone I know is planning something this weekend and I know it will be another painfully long time alone for most of us. I went to the store today and bought all the stuff for a cook out like we always did on these occasions. I will try to go through with it for my daughters' sake but it will not be a fun time for me. My life is full of emptiness and I don't think much of anything has any meaning any more. I wish for you and all my other friends here a happier time and I remain hopeful there will be one. Art

I am truly sorry for the terrible loss that brings you here for I know the pain also. My wife died in an auto accident almost fifteen months ago. It was as if my world came crashing in on me. I still can't make it right with myself. I punish my self every day trying to figure why this had to happen. I cry on a daily basis and my work has deteriorated to the point that I am going to have to take early retirement if I can't get a better grasp. I will be seeing a professional counsellor next week. I have refused to do so up to now because I thought I could handle it by myself. I have now come to the realization that I cannot do it without some serious, one on one help. And my boss is also insisting on it if I wish to continue to work and he is right. I sometimes feel that I am making progress, only to be slammed with reality a few days later. I have nights when I can't sleep and I sit here reading the posts. I urge you to stay with us here as I have found this forum to be the most helpful thing for me. We all share the same grief and pain and to me there is comfort in knowing I can talk to people who honestly know how I feel. I have not yet started the counselling so I can't tell you it will or will not help, but I will say that one should not hesitate as I did. Just admitting to myself that I needed to do it actually seems to have given me a bit of relief. Art

Hi Joe, I am truly sorry for the terrible loss that brings you here, but you have found the right place. I lost my wife of 34 years just 14 months ago. I still don't know who I am without her. My heart is broken in so many pieces I can't find them all much less put them back together. Sometimes I feel I am moving ahead and then it hits me so hard I feel I'm starting all over again. Friends and family were not much help even though they cared and tried. I bought several self help books on the subject . It seemed they were good at describing the symptoms of grief but a little short on solutions. This site has been the most helpful thing I've found. You might also want to consider some professional counselling. Up until now I have refused to do it myself, but I'm setting it up next week on orders from my boss. I didn't argue with him because I need the help. Please stay with us here. I have spent many sleepless, tearful nights on here reading other people's posts. Somehow it truly helps to know you are not alone on this journey. The load is heavy and way is rough, but there are loving and caring people here willing to help you carry this pain. Art

Hi Scotty, I'm sorry to hear that you're having a rough time. I agree with the others that it is very normal what you're experiencing. I'm at 14 months since losing my wife of 34 years and I'm still having a hard time. I think there are some good days and I begin to think I'm really making progress and then it hits, in waves, sometimes like a tsunami, almost completely overwhelming, and I feel like I'm back at square one. If there is a formula or system for dealing with this thing called grief I haven't found it. I think the counselling is a good idea. I have been reluctant, but have now given in and plan to set up sessions this week. My situation has gotten so diffficult that my boss has made it mandatory for me. I know he's right. I also agree that friends and family mean well and they do care, but I think they are usually more harm than help. Stay with us here and let us know how it goes with the counselling and I will do the same. All of us here are here because we know the road you're on and it is long and rough. We need you to travel with us. It is a lonely journey and we don't have to go alone. Art

Hi Jackie, Welcome to this site. I am truly sorry for your loss and I also know the pain. I lost my wife in an auto accident almost 14 months ago. It has been the most difficult, painful and loneliest time of my life. Pattie is right on point about the physical as well as emotional aspect of grief. I wish I could tell you there was an easy way to get through it, but I think most if not all of us here would tell you that it is a slow and difficult road. I am doing better, at this point, but there are days that I still question whether I want to go on. I spend my darkest hours with my Bible and the wonderful friends I have met right here who also know the hurt and the tears first hand. I encourage you to stay with us and open up your heart to us. I think it helps me most to know that others are here who will help me carry the load when it is just too much to bear alone. Art

Hi Teny, You have my thoughts and prayers for a speedy recovery. Take your medicine, take care and most of all take heart for there is a better tomorrow ahead.

Thank you Kay you said it so well. That honestly sums it up as well as I've ever seen it done.

Hi Lyn, I don't know the answer, but if anyone finds it I would certainly appreciate them letting me in on it. I have tried to get back into my work and it is an interesting profession. I loved it up until I lost my wife. Now I can barely stand to face it. Every day is just another battle to try and care. I think I have lost that fight and I am taking early retirement. I am reluctant to say it but I think I have come to the point I have to change my life or end my life and I'm taking the only way out I can. I am not the same person I was before and at present I'm not sure what I want to do with the rest of my life. I have simply got to have some time to figure out who I am and where I"m going.

Hi Suzanne, It has now been just over thirteen months for me and every item of my wife's belongings is still just where she left it. I know I someday have to deal with it and I wish I could, but right now I can hardly deal with living without her. Every where I look there is something to remind me of her and I wonder if it would be better in the long run to just go ahead and do something with her things. It is really hard to think of throwing away her clothes and I keep telling myself I'll deal with it when I feel better with it. I just don't know if I'm ever going to feel up to it. I admire your strength for I know it is not easy. I cry just looking at my wifes belongings. All the things that were special to her are now precious to me.

Hi Stallyn, It is good to hear from you. I know the pain and the loneliness you feel. February 28 made a year for me . It has been the hardest time I have ever experienced. I can't seem to get beyond the tears. I can't build a new life because the old one won't let me go. It is impossible to concentrate or focus on anything except the memories, the hurt and the love that I'll never feel again. I don't know what I would do without all the wonderful people on this site. They have become my family and my friends and I lean so heavily on them for strength and guidance. I continue to try and have hope and courage. I know it is not easy, but try to do the same. We are all here and travelling the same road. We all need a ride from time to time.

Hi Patty, It has been a lonley Easter here also. I totally agree we who are alone are left alone. It seems that my friends just don't want anything to do with me now that I need them more than ever. some almost seem to run when I get near. I am sure that I am not the same person I used to be so maybe I should expect my friends to also be different, but I swear I don't know who I am anymore so I don't know where or how to begin to make new friends.

Hi Lilly and all the rest of my friends here, Lilly your post didn't make me feel worse, but it sure did describe exactly the way I feel. I just passed the one year mark last month and I still ache with this lonely life. I have tried to get back to living, but its like the world has simply left me behind. I want so much to feel that warm and comforting feeling of being special to someone but that person no longer exists and as a result I think that in a sense I no longer exist. If there are any answers I haven't found them. This forum provides the only comfort I have found. I don't post often any more because I don't think I'm doing anything to help anyone, but I do read the posts sometimes several times a day. Thanks to all for being here. Just try to keep on going and hope for a better tomorrow.

Hi Rosemary, First let me say how sincerely sorry I am for your loss. I know you have heard those words many times since your husband's death. I heard them so much after my wife died in an auto accident that they began to just seem so hollow, tough I'm sure everyone meant them from the heart. I am nearing the first anniversay and I can tell you that time does seem to help. I think there is a period of denial, although it may be a subconscious denial, and then reality sets in. It is at this point that it feels like you're starting the process all over again. At least that is the way it has been for me. At this point I have learned to take one day at a time and I have also had to just back away from some people I used to feel close to. It just is not the same anymore. This site and the wonderful people here have meant more to my progress than anything else. They have become like another family. They truly care and someone is always here. Please come back here and share your grief with us. We will try to help and we will all gain strength from the care and comfort.

Hi Teny, It is good to hear from you. I too have had a really tough time lately. I got through the holidays and that was not easy, but now I am approaching the first anniversary and it is really getting to me. I try to take one day at a time but just can't help looking ahead, and back, to that awful day. I too have not posted because I feel that I would cause others more sadness or pain. I am not sure that is the right way though because I honestly want to hear from you and others and I hope they want to hear from us. I know that absolutely no one on this forum has ever said anything that made me feel worse than I already do. I can honestly say this forum has been the best thing I've found in my journey and I believe others feel the same. So please don't hesitate to post. When you're down is when you need help and it may just be when someone else needs the same help. As we have all said before we are truly in this together. God bless and keep believing for a better tomorrow. Thanks, Art

Hi Sagie, I don't post too often here as I feel I probably hurt more than I help sometimes. However, I must say I am coming up on the first anniversary of my wife's death and this year has been made up mostly of downs. There have been some ups so I am hopeful for the coming year to be better. I believe most on this forum will tell you that time will help and I believe they are right. It has not been an easy time for me and I doubt it will be for you. Just try to take it a day at a time and stay with this forum. It has been the single most helpful thing for me. The people here are truly wonderful and caring folk who are here for the same reason you are. Stay with us and let us know when you need us. We do care. Thanks, Art

I had a really hard time, but made it through the holidays. I really tried to enjoy it and I think I at least put on a good show for my daughters sake. Most nights I simply cried all or most of the nights. I really thought the anniversary of my wife's death wouldn't be any different than any other day, but as it approaches I can't help but realize it has been a whole year since I saw her, or talked to her, or heard her say I love you. And yet, it seems like only yesterday. How did I get here and how do I go on? Life just seems to be one blind step after another. I never did anything without her help and advice. She was a wiser person than I am. We made a promise years ago that which ever of us went first we would try to contact the other if it was possible. I have always believed there was a world beyond this life, but I am now wondering if it is so as I have not seen or heard anything that I could attribute to her. I would like to hear from any of you who have tried the mediums. I know that they are not for everyone, and I am not asking in order to criticize anyone for their view. I would simply like to know more about it. Thanks, Art

Hi Kathy, Thank you for this most wonderful post. If there is more that you can tell me about this lecture please do. I am coming up on the first anniversary of my wife's death and I'm having a really tough time. I have prayed for some word or message from her and so far nothing. Also, if you could tell me more about this lady I would very much like to try and attend one of these programs. Thanks, Art

Hi walt, I know you posted it for others, but I have to tell you that it really meant a lot to me. I loved it and I thank you for posting it. Art

Hi Kim, I don't know anything to say that will make this time any easier for you except to assure you that we are all here with you and for you. We all genuinely feel your pain and the emptiness in your life. I don't think there are words to heal a broken heart we can only pray that time will. Til then we are all here alone together. Art

Hi Gail, I'm coming up on my first year and I know it will be tough. I got through the holidays even though it was reallly lonely and I know I can get by the one year mark also. I feel sure there will be good days ahead for us all and I know there will be some really bad ones. I have resolved to just take one day at a time and try to become more positive and more hopeful every day. I know that the new additions to your family will bring you great joy and many blessings. Life still offers much to be thankful for. Art

Hi Lily, The others have already said it, but let me also tell you that you are not crazy. I have experienced most of the same thoughts, pains and tears that you talk about. I have so many times wished that it could have been me instead of my beautiful Charlene. I have wished I could just join her or at least be out of this awful, lonely, dismal state I've been in for almost eleven months now. I have been so emotionally devastated that I find it difficult to do even the simplest things. My circle of friends seems to be shrinking and I don't much care. I have so little in common with them any more. This forum is the only place I feel comfortable talking about my feelings. People around me seem so cold and uncaring that every day brings another hurt of some kind. I have simply had to withdraw from as many people as I can and I plan to stay that way until I feel I'm able to cope with it. I just try to take survival a day at a time and hope I can heal. I think this approach and the help of those who also know the pain is the only reason I've made it this far. I don't mean to discourage or burden you, or others, but only want you to know that you are not alone. That realization has meant so much to me. The great people here will never know how many tear-filled nights they have brought me through. I am so thankful for them each and every one. So give us your hand and lets all walk together on this trail of tears. Art

Hi PattyAnn, I think you said it so well I have to thank you for it. It is for me, such a struggle between my heart denying what my mind tells it that it must accept that my world is falling apart before my eyes. My heart is broken in so many places I suppose what is left of my mind will eventually win out. I don't know how much of my mind will survive the battle though. Thank you and all for being here. It is sometimes the only comfort I can find.

Hi suzanne, I don't know any simple answers Suzanne and I realize now that there just aren't any. I have been, and remain, completely devastated. Sometimes I just don't want to go on yet somehow I do. This forum has been the most positive force for me so far. I think it is simply the ability to talk to and hear from people who are travelling the same road that has given me the will to keep going. I have good friends and family whom I love and who love me, but they just seem to think it is a matter of choice that I am still where I am. Of course all of us on this forum know it is not something that we can just let go of. I have come to believe that if I can have the care and counsel of people who share my pain I will gradually get back to a point where life can at least have meaning. Please try to just take one day at a time, stay in touch with us here and try to ease up on yourself. Cry if you need to,and stay away from people who don't understand what you're dealing with if you can. I have had to simply avoid some people because however well meaning they may be they were making my journey more difficult. Please hang in there and talk to us often. I promise we are all in this together and we need to all help each other along the way. Art