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JeanetteD

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About JeanetteD

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  1. Marty, Thanks, you're the first person who has made me feel like there is a reason for my behavior. The PTSD does make sense. I can not go out of the house alone, I don't want to be with anyone. I reported the rape to my minister after having a panic attack at church and he told me I was emotionally a 12 year old child. The usher who raped me was taking the offering and I was sitting directly under him. My body started shaking uncontrollably and I couldn't breathe. I think that was the first time I felt anything. I was crying, my body was shaking and I guess I did behave inappropriately. Until I can be assured that I can behave well publicly, I prefer to stay in. I must get back to work and soon. I just get so tired and afraid. I am seeing a counselor, but he has never mentioned any of this. He also believes I am responding to all this "out of my child" and wants me to start acting like an adult. He feels I have a "dependency" disorder. I have lost so much of my self-esteem and drive that has made me a success. I visited the sites you recommended but found no one locally for support. I live in Phoenix. Is there anyone who can help me locally? A support group or a therapist would be helpful. I feel so foolish, I don't want to publically embarrass myself any more.
  2. I lost my mom, 2.5 years ago, 43 days later my dad remarried and disinherited me for his "new" son, 6 months later my business and personal partner of 5 years walked out with no notice leaving me several million dollars in debt with construction loans. That same year two of my clients committed suicide and I was called to take care of the property including the clean-up. Four months ago I was raped by an usher in my church. For the first 2 years I worked 16-18 hours a day trying to keep up with the financial debts that were over 10K monthly. The legal financial part was over in June. I survived that on my own. I decided to take July off just to regroup. The rape didn't even bother me until I stopped. I have no family or friends. I am a RE Broker and work out of my home. Since I stopped working around the clock, I cannot function. I have never experienced this kind of pain. I do not get dressed, I'm confused, overwhelmed, don't want to leave the house. I spoke with my minister and he told me I had the emotional maturity of a 12 year old. I am a 55 year old woman who has always run her own life and has been financially independant. Sometimes I sit home and cry for hours. I take naps in the morning and afternoon. Am I mentally ill? I've been told I am manic, a spoiled rotten brat and have dependant personality disorder. I quit going to church, I don't want to be around people, I don't trust anyone. This is totally out of the norm for me. Do I need to be committed, do I need medication? There is no where for me to turn. I have never felt this alone in my life. I'm not sure I care what happens anymore.
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