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mamacat

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Everything posted by mamacat

  1. How awful! So so sorry. Please keep searching for him if you can. Please do not loose hope for youself things can turn around for you. These are such hard times I'm so sorry you and Skipper have suffered. I hope things turn better for you . My best wishes. mamacat
  2. I am so so very sorry about your loss. It's bad enough to loose a loved companion but to feel one could have done something to save them and didn't....I know how hard that is. I was caught up in a project in my work and didn't pay the attention I should have for 2 or 3 months to my dear Rulin. I thought she'd be there when I finished, I didn't realize I was stressing her with my inattention, it never occured to me she would die! I was in serious denial about death. And so we are left loving these special companions, they are gone have suffered, and we think we have hurt them, betrayed them, and are not able to reverse it. Maybe we could have acted differently. Maybe it would have saved them, maybe not. Maybe they would have died anyway. Maybe we being human and not perfect did the best we were able to do at the time. Maybe we can learn from our tragic mistakes and change, do better in the future, reach out to others which you have been doing on this board. Maybe we can let their love and the lessons they have taught us , enable us to better relate to other creatures in need of our love. You did not purposly hurt her, you were stressed trying to care for your other cat. At some point hopefully you can forgive yourself. You might consider asking her for her forgivness, I'm sure she will give it. Please know that you are not alone in your feelings , may the love you shared outweigh all else. mamacat
  3. mamacat

    A Visit

    I am feeling very open these days thinking about Rulin. It is Holloween, in some traditions it is the most sacred night of the year, the new year, the time when the veils between the two worlds part and the dead can visit. A tradition is to have a mute supper, where you set the table and set out food for both the living and those who have crossed over that you love. They can then visit with you for this night. I will be setting out for my dear Rulin her bowl of food tonight. I’m feeling very close to her these days. I send my love and best energy to all of you on this board who suffer so with the loss of your dear companions. A wise woman advised me that on this, the turning of the year, you can review the year, and leave what you don’t want behind, and take what you do want into the new year. I will try to leave the pain hers and mine, and my guilt. I will take with me into the new year the immense love that Rulin and I shared, The love I have for her now, the sweet memories of that very special being. Love to all of you and may the pain of your loss diminish and the sweetness of your memories increase. mamacat
  4. I am so sorry for your losses. To have a cat like Street die so young! and then your other cat who was with you for so long and now contemplating the loss of your father. Your losses are great but it seems so is your love. Take care of yourself and remember there are people who understand your feelings and are sending you strength to get through these trying times.
  5. I am a little unsure as to what you are saying. I know you are talking about reincarnation. People hold religeous and spiritual beliefs that are quite different from each other, all religions are not the same. In the spirit of freedom of religion which in this country is part of our law , and in my opinion rightfully so, we should respect anyones right to believe whatever they choose. There are some organized religions as well as some spiritual beliefs that believe in reincarnation, it is as valid a belief as any other. You seem to be raising two points. The person wanting to be with their reincarnated companion and the person wanting to be with people of like mind. Both of these of course are very heartfelt, deep and understandable desires. I have questions I am unclear about what you are saying. Does the person have to be with people of like mind before they can get their animal? Is the persons family standing in the way because of their resistence to the reincarnation belief or just because they don't want a replacement. Could the person convince their family to get the animal while preparing to move out? I can see that this is a painful situation, my wish is for the best outcome and for reuniting. I wish you the very best. Mamacat
  6. I am terribly sorry for your loss. What a shock to have a healthy young dog die so suddenly.The loss is so great. I know how you feel. I am sorry this happened to your family. Allow yourself to grieve, continue loving him, and take care of yourselves. Mamacat
  7. Dear Crystal, I was deeply touched and sorrowed to hear of your troubles. Life has chosen to give you some serious tests. You have endured more than most people are asked to. But you have endured, and you are reaching out and that shows an inner strength that you may not be aware of. I have also had the feeling of wanting to follow Rulin, I realize that is dangerous for me and not what she would want me to do. Even though I have lost a vision of what a good future is for me right now, it is ok to be in that place, empty not knowing. Something good will fill up that space in time. Of course it still hurts. I know that I will always grieve and remember her but I can also go on living and hopefully contribute something to life while I am still here. I admit it is easier for me because I have two other cats who need my attention. Even though like you I have guilt over her passing I am determined to learn from my mistakes and do better with the other cats. Of course I still grieve Rulin but I have these two to who give me purpose till I can fully find myself again. I was so happy to read that you offered to take Rusty. That would be so great! If that does not happen I would suggest you consider rescuing another furry soul who needs you, there are so many. Aleutia left you with the gift of love. It is obvious that even with all the hurt that has been done to you, you are capable of great love. You love her. You reach out to help people on this list, you reached out to Rusty, You have so much to give. Crystal please give some of that love to yourself. You may or may not forgive yourself, I’m sure Aleutia will forgive you if you ask her, she can hear you, just ask. If you can’t forgive yourself infuse that feeling with the love that you have. Your best tribute of Aleutia is to incorporate her loving aspect for yourself and for others. You have so much to give. Aleutia gave you love, carry on her legacy. And when you finally meet her in the fullness of time you both will be trailed by other little souls that have benefitted by the love that you both shared. Mamacat
  8. Dear Marty T, Thank you so much for your compassionate and quick response. It has helped me a lot. As a result of your advice I think I was able to clear, or at least begin to clear the guilt. I want to be able to send Rulin light on her journey, and the guilt was in the way. I feel at this moment anyway that I can approach her in a clearer way. I want her to be able to go on her souls journey with light and love, but I still want to maintain the love connection I have with her. I will read some of your other articles. I can’t thank you enough for providing this wonderful help for people when they so need it , and to give people a safe place to express the depth of there feelings. You are a true healer. Thank you. Mamacat
  9. I’m asking for help. I can always handle my emotional stuff by myself but not now, I don’t know what to do I’m completely distraught. My dearest Rulin cat got sick and I had to put her down last Wed am. She died close to her birthday she would have been 7 years old. This extraordinary sweet and evolved soul left me much too soon. I apologize for this long post. Seven years ago 8 baby cats were left in our yard, I bottle fed them, found homes for 5 and kept 3. Rulin was sneezing when she came to us and always had a problem with her sinuses. She grew into a beautiful 7 1/2 lb girl , She was so very special , very beautiful with a little pink nose, dark gray with white flame on her face, white collar and boots. She would greet all guests. She loved to play, could always find toys hidden under things, loved to watch the birds out the window loved to have her belly rubbed. She was smart and although the smallest of my cats the bravest and an incredible jumper. She was totally loving to everybody. Very psychically aware, and sensitive, a real healer. When I had an accident she spent weeks sitting on my chest healing me as I was convalescing . She sometimes had problems with her nose and I cared for her, which made our bond even closer. She would lick my nose to tell me she loved me. She always gave a little vocal acknowledgment of the slightest interaction and was totally communicative and open. She would scratch at the bathroom door so I could groom her she was meticulous, then I would hold her while looking out the window it was our special time, sometimes I would do reiki on her then and she would go into the meditation with me. I love her deeply and completely and I believe she returned my love. I love my other cats but I was closest to her. Now I am trying to deal with grief at her loss, guilt , and feeling terrible that I caused her suffering at the end by her treatments. The last two months were very busy for me and my husband as we were handling a very big work load and deadline. During this time I did not pay as much attention to Rulin as I usually do. Oh if I could relive those months! She developed chest sounds, I brought her to the vet and he discovered a slight heart murmur, narrowing of the trachea and chest congestion, and gave her medication. That's when it started. The medication was bitter and she hated it. The bonds of trust that we always had began to be broken as I became a menace to her forcing this bitter stuff down her throat. It only worsened later when she could no longer eat or drink and on the vets advice I tried unsuccessfully to force food . In five days I took her to several vets who all told me how good she looked and to continue force feeding her, she had not been able to eat drink or defecate, that didn’t seem to bother the vets. She was getting worse I finally took her into the hospital just to get her to eat, be hydrated and get enemas. They put her in intensive care for three days then I took her home with a feeding tube in her nose and advice to put her down. During this time she had a battery of blood tests, ex-ray, and ultrasound. Everything came back negative or inclusive except her white blood cells were dropping finally to the point where she had no immune system left. I would not let her have a bone marrow test because she was too weak . The first day home I was so happy I could feed her through the tube without stressing her and she had a bowel movement on her own. That night we had to put her down. I waited until she could no longer focus her eyes and her breathing was rapid. She suffered during those last two weeks, I was holding out for any hope to save her. I’m trying to make sense of this. Obviously what was done to care for her was unsuccessful and stressed her. It seemed everyone had an agenda. Mine was I love her I want her to live, If I’m a good mommy I can save her and she’ll live a long life. Two of the doctors were defending their opposing philosophies, After she had been given the death sentence and I brought her in to have euthanasia the Dr. told me how good she looked and we should try some more! We ended up putting her down later that night. I need to know what I did wrong I know I should have paid more attention to her when we were busy but the vets care was wrong also. I need to know how to do better. I’m so sorry the mistakes were made with that sweet soul. She deserved only the best. I know you probably can’t answer these questions for me but I need to talk about it, I need something because I’m not making it right now. Thank you so much for providing this service
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