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akhockeymom

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  1. I lost my oldest son on July 20th 2007 when a car hit him while he was out riding his 4 wheeler. He was out just having a good time and bam he was taken away from us. My 17 year old son was just gone. We were all together that day having a wonderful day and then the world came to a stop for us all. A car going 65-70 mph not paying attention to the road did not see my 6 foot 2 son on a red bike with his brother on a yellow bike and a friend on a red bike with dust coming out with them, she did not slow down.She hit so hard it crushed his whole left side. Lucky for us he had his helmet on and he looked great. No blood. He lived for awhile on that road side. His brother begging him to hold on. The boy that was with them raced to the cabin screaming that Brandon had been hit by a car and I fell to the ground, his dad got to him with in minutes. I just could not go. That was my baby. My best friend. My first born. I would have made things worse. Had I known I would have. I would have placed my son in the SUV and taken him to the hospital a few miles down the road, but hin site gets us no where. It took the ambulance 45 minutes to get there. They could not get it started.....When they finally got there, I was there with him at that time-he was pretty much gone-(brain dead?, they kept his heart going but there was not enough oxygen going in) they got him in the ambulance and the damn thing dead twice in route to the hospital only 35 miles out. My middle son, Jeremie, sitting with his oldest brother,Brandon, crying to have his brother "just hold on." What a memory that poor child will carry for the rest of his life. At 14 he will live with that. As a mother I carry that too. I lost a son, my other one carries the heavy heart that he could not "save" his brother and their youngest one, Codie, who is 10 carries the worry that it was his fault that mom and dad were not there for Brandon because we had to go back to the cabin early because he crashed he bike and we left the "pit" early to take him back to the cabin to take care of him and left the boys. Pretty messed up huh? It was a day...... It started out with such wonder. It was so happy and they were all getting along. I took so many photos that day. What a great day it was. I miss out on graduation. He was a senior. Honors. I am trying to get them to let him graduate. The school did not have a problem but the school board does. He took the exit exam. He has 18.5 credits. Honors classes. The school is letting me get his tassles, cap, honors ropes. But the school board will not let his name be read or let me have his diploma. But I will keep fighting it. He is dead what will it hurt. I just think he worked so damn hard just let me have it. Even if it is just a "honorary degree" for his family. I cry so much right now it is not funny. I miss my son. The holidays make it hurt more. He should be here. He was a good kid. There is so much evil in the world why do our good ones have to be taken away from us? It just does not seem fair. If everything happens for a reason, I would really like to know what the hell the reason for all of us having to lose our wonderful children is and the evil people who kill and rape that get to live is? Because that just does not seem to make a whole lot of sense to me or any of us. We work so hard to keep them safe and to teach them to be good people. It does not seem fair. This really hurts. I have lost my father, grandparents, and my cousin but nothing hurts as much as losing a child. The pain that burns inside so deep.
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