rainbowbridge

i didn't realize my last few post have answered so many questions people had about their pets that you are no longer in need of the forum. goodbye my friends i have found my answers.

it is not my intention to offend anyone or their religious beliefs. this is a catch 22 with an animal. i cant reveal a lot of information about this animal because it is no longer of this earth. a lot of you will not believe that when animals pass on they are sometimes ready to come back. This particular animal is ready to come back to the owner. the owner has requested permission to have another dog for their birthday so that this animal may return "home", which to the animal is to the owner. the owner however has not been given that permission because the family doesn't want the animal "replaced" by another. the owner is finacially unable to leave their current establishment at this time. In a few months this will be possible. if the animal decides to return in that time what is the owner to do? This owner desperately wishes to be with other people of like mind as theirself, And be with the beloved pet as well. What should the owner do until the time comes when they can be with people who are of the same belief as theirself? Unfortunately, the owner lives in a part of the country where beliefs other than strict moral character, and the idea that "once something is dead, its dead, and thats that" takes front and center stage. It may take longer than a few months for the owner to leave the current residence because they are on disability, not physical disablity. this owner wants nothing more than to be with the cherished animal, thats all, to be with their pet. what would you do? Please be kind in your response because the owner and pet are in a delicate situation. think real hard before replying; what would you do presented with this situation in your own life?

i was supposed to talk to a woman who can speak to deceased animals. due to an emergency with someone else i lost my spot. so i went and sat by aleutias grave and cried until i fell asleep. i had a dream that i was in a big meadow and there were animals of all kinds everywhere and therewas a wonderful peace over everyone. i just woke up outside and its 4 a.m. I know things know that i didnt know before. its like looking at your hands for the fisrt time and realizing you can see right through them. i dont know what happened and i cant truly explain it. all i know for sure is that is the way i want to live, with that kind of peace. not like the life all around us now. You wont believe this either and i really dont mind, but i sense aleutia all over me, like someone is changing my thoughts or ideas or something. i dont know how to explain it but she "talked" to me. more like she changed my thoughts or something. she always has been here with me, she "said" when i cried she put her nose to my cheek, and most of the time she lays at my feet, she said the car that hit her was the car i helped that flipped in the ditch in front of the house". she also "said" "(that so many of them die and no one ever lights a candle(white) so they can find their way)". Either i have lost my mind or something happened that i can't explain. I can "sense" so many of them now i'm exhausted and exhilerated at the same time. Animals understand and forgive us no matter what. i want to live with that peace now, not like this world around us; not like this.

it worked again marty using anything but aol. for everyone else be sure to log out and then log back in without using aol this is cool , i'm sneaking in the back door!!!

now i was able to go in using the same thing as my other name rainbowbridge using the internet explorer instead of aol so if you are trying to click on the address after you have saved it from aol it wont work. i guess you can only get in this way now which is wierd because it worked for me all along until yesterday.

I am terribly sorry to hear about your loss. I'm not sure what to say other than I am very sorry this happened to you and yours. I will think of you tonight . I know the shock and devestation is a lot at this moment and that this sounds like the understatment of all time. My heart goes out to you at this time. I am so very sorry for your loss. Love Christy

If it matters any, my boyfriend in NY was a homicide detective. just for fun he taught Aleutia a lot of search and rescue techniques in our living room. As a result, when 911 happened, larry and i decided to see if Aleutia was qualified to help. She was, so Larry got her certified and in to the city we three went. As Larry worked different areas, Aleutia pulled many shoes and (her favorite!) wallets and purses from the rubble. We called it quits when she came upon the partial corpse of a victim. She showed strange signs for a while until we took her to the vet. He said he was treating a lot of the dogs for depression. I now know animals have something of feelings. If you have any pictures of 911, she was 1 of three border collies she is the solid black one with white feet. You might even see larry and i with her. It took 2 weeks to wash all the smell and residue from her feet and fur. She did more than any dog should have been burdened with in a lifetime. I failed her only to let her get hit and the killed on a lonely country road in the backwoods of mississippi. Now you understand fully why i miss her so much, she was an angel on earth, not just a dog. Christy

Dear Aleitia, I had another nightmare tonight. I was dreaming that i had actually flipped out and was outside digging up your grave, i was distraught and crying wildly as dirt flew from the hole. i knew i would find nothing but your remains but i wanted you back so bad i was hoping that you were still alive and it was just my imagination and you would somehow be okayand i could bring you back inside and clean you up and everything. Somehow i also knew you would be nothing but remains and the harder i cried and flung dirt it just wouldn't matter that you were gone from me forever. I just can't wrap my brain around the fact that you will never be with me here again. I'm all alone no matter what happens and no one even knows that i long for you so much inside that i am willing to take any chance of being with you. All the see is me, not you and that is what hurts the most. It's like you were my identity here and know your not and i am just me -nothing. Why should it matter now how i want to get to you as long as i have myself back. I just cant understand why i cant be with you like we were. You were a legend in the family and they saw that i was someone with you, now they just see nothing but me--no one. I woke up in another panic attack and its just not easy trying to cope with this without you. Please i beg you let us be together again, i don't know if i can keep doing this on my own. I love you Aleutia, please help to be with you somehow. Christy

Since everyone in this forum knows how suffering feels one way or another, I think ultimately you did the right thing, your only human remember. Suffering, i hate and its definitely not the answer in my opinion. im not belittleing you one bit! You've watched my struggle so far, I think you did the right thing. Thank you for trying to help me. I will keep writing about aleutia and i until im dead or over this or dealt with it and come to grips. i dont mind holding hands with you as this progresses. Christy

Dear Aleutia, Mom and Dad told me the preacher put me on the prayer list today. I haven't been to church since you were killed. i found out he has cancer so i took him a painting of the crucifiction. he liked ot so much he cried. i told him about my troubles over grieving for you and my thoughts about it. Unfortunately, i think about it a lot but but it hasn't done much to quell my desire to be with you. I love you so much everytime i reach out for you my hand gets slapped back. I know that it can be taken more than one way, but my anger over "who did it " jumps up and feeling the failure i feel of not being able to protect you covers my entire world. Ive joined this pet grieving forum to help get over you leaving me. I like it a lot and the people are really helpful and friendly but the pain i feel is so intense i just dont know how to put it into words. Everytime something bad happened, you were there and i think i got addicted to you in that way. I have to admit your the best addiction i ever had! I still want to hold you badly and tell you all thats happened since you were killed. I dont know what to say or do to stop this overwhelming pain to be with you. Ive reached out in every direction i know of but it seems like the pain is getting bigger. i wonder if this is like taking a band-aid off of a wound and im just now feeling just how strong i really do love you. I guess only time will tell if i can overcome your loss or not. Im not really sure if i want to. All i know is that i pray every night that God will take my life and give it to the preacher and then i can be with you. Either way i will find you and only hell and all its demons can stop me. Until i know more, know that i love you with every atom i have and i will meet you at the bridge. I love you so much, you'll always be " mamas little girl!" Love, Christy

I recieve professional help regularly. Aleutia was with me when i was abducted, raped, beaten and shot in the mouth and left for dead for 4 days in NY. The bullet that should have killed me, went through my mouth at an angle taking most of my teeth with it and passed across my shoulder ( taking most of it as well) entering Aleutia's shoulder. We were both thrown in a van, (the perps thought Aleutia was dead and wish to leave no evidence in the parking lot) and left to the heat and rot for four days. We were discovered when the impound lot came to collect the unknown van and noticed flies and blood seeping out the back door.

Does anyone feel as strongly as I do ? Am I All alone in my extreme grief for Aleutia? Is it wrong to pray and beg for your life to be taken so you can be with your beloved Pet? Am i the only person on earth who is Grieving so hard as to make myself sick over the loss of my dog Aleutia?

Crystal, Hang in there, we don' t call you " the battle axe" for nothing. Your caring friend Dr. Loftin

Dear aleutia, I know you remember becky. Well she's gone today. I thought there was no more damage that could be done to my heart and soul. I was wrong. God how i wish you were here at least i could hold you and watch your fur as my tears rolled down. I miss you so much. every time i think i have a grip on things some kind of tragedy strikes like today and another piece of me is torn apart and thrown away. I just want to be with you right now. I dont want riches or fancy things or anything else, i just want to be with you and to feel only peace with you, the peace we found together when we went walking in the woods on our property. I want to feel your fur , kiss your face, and hold you to me so tightly. i knew you if no one else understood and i felt hope and peace and caring from you; just like we did when Jessica died. I still love you so much it hurts, i loved Becky too, now she is dead. every since you left people just die as soon as i start to feel like i can love again. I'm going to close my heart and soul off from everyone and everything from now on except you. At least i new you loved and cared about me as well. Please be there at the bridge and know I am comming. One way or the other I am comming and its only you I want to be with. Love Christy

Yesterday i went to see my psych. aleutia. i have been put on additional medicine for the nightmares. i still miss you. everyday i look at the spot where you were killed, yesterday i saw a ruby-throated humming bird there. i wondered if birds could carry messages. so i took a chance and sent you one. no one every talks to me on this virtual forum, they dont even send replies but i know you are there listening at least i hope you are. i was remembering the first day i brought you home. Remember, i was trying to get you to follow me on a small leash i got at the vet clinic. you were so small, as we walked down the sidewalk you couldn't stay with me because you were so tiny. i picked you up and carried you around until you were to big to carry. you were so cute it was hard to hand you over to people when they wanted to hold you, they used to say " she looks just like a little babby!" At that time our lives were sealed together forever. You were my baby border collie and i was your momma. i made a promise to myself and to you that i would do everything within my power to keep you safe and with as long as there was breath in my body. What a failure i turned out to be! Your dead. i failed you in every letter of that promise. im so sorry. the least i could do, and i failed. You were so beautiful. your hair was jet black with with one white blaze down your face and 4 beautiful white socks with the tip of your tail white as winter snow, so i named you Aleutia after the Aleutian chain islands of alaska where we lived. It was so funny when you would romp and jump trying to catch snowflakes as we walked to the lab at the university. I'll be joining you soon; i hope. I love you baby girl.