piddly

Honey, I am so sorry for everything, I know exactly how you feel, I am 36 and this February was the 1st for me without my loving Mom. I was exactly the same, sitting around, waiting for her to call, I keep going "Mom" out of nowhere (we lived together) and no one's here, but my baby girl. It's a heartwrenching experience and people say it will get better, but I think maybe you get more used to it, but there is always that hole in your heart that doesn't ever fully heal. I miss her every second of every day and my soul hurts. I wish I could say something to ease your pain, but I'm not sure that anything can, or that anything will ever be the same again. Our lives are forever changed in a way that a lot of people thankfully cannot comprehend. As for signs, I truly believe we get so wrapped up in things that a lot of times we don't see them. I was driving the other night and started crying and pulled over, I was right by the funeral home she was in, (I didn't know the place because we never physically went there, they just shipped her back home) then I looked up and I saw Marshall's, a store she took me to when I was little. I caught those signs but I think we are so ovewhelmed with grief that a lot of the little ones slip by. She is with us, with my Mom and all the people she loves. And she knows how much you are hurting, just like each of us. She doesn't want you to cry, I know we do and she, like all our parents wants us to move on in a little way everyday. Feel free to email me as no one gets what I am going through over here. I am praying for you to find some solace and peace. Also, my Mom (who was my grandma) was 94, and just last night I was thinking to myself how I didn't think she'd pass, I know how it sounds, but she'd always make it through, and just before she passed she told me how she didn't want to die, because I had just had my daughter, to me that is the most heartbreaking thing of all. My mom should be here to teach me and talk to me and here I am, all alone. Sorry to focus on me....well let me know if there is anything I can do. Christine So sorry to hear of your loss, it's really a cross we each must bear and I think it's getting worse for me all the time, Mother's Day, Gosh, I can't bear to imagine, my first with my daughter named after my Mom and without my Mom. UGH. I can't think that far ahead. I just cope day to day and grieve deeply. I have been listening to I grieve by Peter Gabriel a lot. I am praying for you, please keep in touch. Christine