I too lost my Mom to cancer. It will be 1 year next month on Oct 13, 2004. From the moment she died, each day has gotten worse for me, not better. It has been a twilight zone experience that started back when my Mom first told me she had uterine cancer. She was scheduled to have a total hysterectomy and told the cancer was contained to her uterus. We were given the 99.9% range that all would be OK....because uterine cancer is very slow growing. It wasn't until after the surgery that we were told that the cancer had spread...and what they previously thought was a stage I cancer, was now a stage IV. We took the news shockingly but with hope that chemo would save her.....and it did for awhile and she was in remission with all her hair back....and free of cancer she was told. During and after chemo, every 3 months, she would have a CA-125 test...a blood test...that is a tumor marker for cancer. If she was in the normal range of 1-35...all was good. Then one day the number jumped out of the normal range. They did a CAT scan on her and no sign or cancer...so wait another 3 months and so on. Well, after some time, her CA-125 starting going up, and up, and up. And because of that, each and evertime now they would perform a CAT scan on her. The CAT scan NEVER showed any cancer. So she was told "all is OK" because nothing on scan, and not having any problems etc. THEN, exactly at her 1 year mark for being off chemo (I remember the date because it's my daughter's birthday...she was turning 3) her right leg started to swell....and she was having back pain. Being very concerned, she made an appointment with her Oncologist....where he did all the usual testing...CA-125 blood test, CAT scan......and this time he ordered a bone scan. The CA-125 was now up dangerly high...BUT NEITHER SCAN SHOWED ANY SIGNS OF CANCER. ...so again it was ruled out. She was then referred to an Orthapedic back specialist and a MRI of her spine was performed. The MRI findings showed some signs of concern...so this doctor sent my Mom back to her Oncologist to look at these findings on her spine. HE AGAIN RULED OUT CANCER. To get to the point...she was prescribed therapy and Chiropractic care for her back pain. WHILE ALL ALONG THE CANCER WAS IN HER SPINE. All this high-dollar, high-tech cancer detecting equipment...and the only test that was accurate was the CA-125 blood test...that doctors say isn't reliable. We were told over and over that she didn't have cancer...even after we took her to the hospital in so much pain...in a wheel chair becasue she couldn't walk....after an all-nighter of high-dollar and high-tech tests again...we were told "good news an bad new"...the good news was that she didn't have cancer...the bad news, was that they didn't know what was wrong with her.....this went on a month in the hospital....then a month home with hospice....and she was gone. She was only barely 64. I feel so deceived by doctors...the ones we trust with our lives. I feel so cheated not to have a Mom. I have 2 daughters that are cheated out of their Grandma....not to mention to experience a loss so young. My Dad was cheated out of his wife after 40 years of marriage. I miss my Mom sooooo much. My precious daughters are now 4 and 1. My youngest was only two months old when my Mom started with the symptoms of the recurring cancer. I'm sooo thankful my Mom was here to see her be born (she was in the room with my husband and I when I had her cesarian). My Mom would hold the baby and just sob....knowing she wasn't going to be here to see her grow up. My 4 year old still remembers her...they were sooo close....with being with each other everyday. It's just sooo sad for me to know that she will one day maybe not really remember her....it crushes me!!!!! From the moment my Mom was put in the hospital...I was there everyday....and once, home with hospice...I couldn't leave her for breaks to go home anymore. I slept in my parent's bed with a baby monitor to hear her....my Dad in a chair next to her.....my husband and 2 babies in the guest room...and my Mom's 87 year old Mom in the other guest room. It was so difficult to watch her dying bit by bit...and still take care of her, my babies, my dad and my grandma. Since her death, each day, I hurt and miss her more....it will be a year on Oct 13th. I am crying so much here lately....and having a tough time going to sleep at night. I 've read that the grief peaks at the 1 year mark...I guess that is what I am doing. I am still so lost and feel so alone. My husband doesn't understand what I am going through. I am just a mess. I am trying so hard to go on and be happy...and I am going through the motions on the outside...but inside I am in so much pain. *Within 2 years....MyGrandma (Dad's Mom) had a stroke and died at 89...and my Grandpa (Mom's Dad) died at 92...and my Mom's dog all died in one month (Dec)...which is also the month my Mom learned of her cancer. My Mom's surgery was Jan. 8, 2002...and my Mom died on Oct. 13, 2003 which just happens to be my Mother-in-laws birthday.
