My dad was working overseas. After a nice Christmas and New Years at home, he flew back to work. Just a few weeks later, robbers attempted to take his life while trying to silence him in his sleeping quarters. He died in the hospital that tried to save him. My mother never made it to the airport to go and see him (nor did the rest of us). That was January 26, 2004. He was only 48. The very last time I saw him was on Christmas Day 2003. Our means of communicating was through internet chatting. The last time I chatted with him was January 19, 2004. I still look for him online. He should have visited me by now. He should have called by now. I, too, am a daddy's girl. The last thing he ever said (chatting) was "Good Night, I wish I could be there to tuck you in just like when you were little." I have been sad since January, but it seems that this week has been AWFUL. I have had absolutely no desire to do anything. I have a tendency to take my feelings and squash them down and hope they go away. But it's not working!!! I've been seeing a counselor for a few months, but I haven't 'seen the benefits' of it yet. My husband is starting to worry about me and has asked how he can help. But I don't know what to tell him. I don't have a clue. My 4 yr old tells me that "papa" still loves me and my 2 yr old asks me why I'm crying. I think I've tried too hard to hide my emotions from them and now they are a little confused. Needless to say, there is an air of tension in our household. I'm posting this hoping that this constitutes "talking" about it. I hope it works.
