Lynette

KayC, I will keep you and you're family in my prayers. Love, Lynette

Welcome to this site Kathy, I'm finding out that in time you learn to cope, but you never stop missing you're loved one. It's been six months for me and with the help from friends and family, I have good days and then I have really bad days. I believe all the "First" (vacations, holidays, etc.) without my prince charming has to be the hardest. I agree that people that are around us try to not mention our spouses who have passed and I think that is because they think it will upset us again. I know my co-workers tippie toe around the subject of their spouses until one day recently I came out and told them it's alright. I'm very happy they have not had to go through what I have gone through and pray to God they never do. Until people have experienced what we all have experienced, they will never understand but you have to love them for trying. Girl, just take one day at a time, don't think of the future right now, it will only put an ache in you're heart. I believe one day we will all find happiness! Stay active and keep posting on this website, it really helps to read what others have experienced. Love, Lynette

Hi Wendy, I sure wish you lived in Texas, we'd go and have a nice dinner and maybe catch a movie. I've done nothing but cry since I left work. I was really looking forward to these (3) days off. Lay by the pool, read and relax. As I was coming home, I probably saw 3 to 4 campers heading out to go camping with their families. Then the tears started and just wouldn't stop. My sons are grown, married and have their own families, so they are all out of town this weekend. My husband & I would take our 5th wheel to the river just about every holiday and on vacations around this time. Today, when I got home, I changed, got a drink and went to get into the pool but that didn't last long. Every evening when we would get home from work in the summer, we'd put our suits on and jump in the pool and just talk about our day and what our plans would be for the upcoming weekend. Is it going to be like this every time you want to do something you and you're loved one use to do? Just the other day, I was thinking that I was doing a lot better than I was just 2 months ago and then I have days like today. Everyone at work was talking about what their families were doing this weekend and I just wanted to yell at them and shut up! I hate being like this. I feel like all the fun and love that was once in me is totally gone. I just want to be me again. I hope you all have the best weekend that you possibly can, Love, Lynn

SingleDad2, The girl’s biological dad must me a very insensitive, uncaring individual to be putting those girls through this ordeal after losing their mom. If he were any kind of person, and truly wanted to be a part of their lives, he would not go this route. I have two sons that are mine from a previous marriage also. Their stepdad, my late husband, was more of a father to them than their biological dad. Six months ago, I saw how much my husband’s death hurt my sons. Mike played an important role in their lives and the love they had for him and he had for them, couldn’t be any stronger if he would have been their biological dad. He was only in our lives for 14 years, but in those 14 years, he earned that title “DAD” hands down. You need to do what you feel in your heart is right. From reading your posts, it sounds like the girls know who they want as a father. Remember, whatever happens, you will always be their “DAD”. You’ve earned it and there nothing he can do to take that away. Hang in there, as I have realized, even with the lost of my soulmate, between family and friends, we will get through this! You and you’re family are in my thoughts and prayers, Lynn

Jackie, I'm glad you found this site. I think it will help you alot hearing how others are surviving. I too lost my love on Nov. 15th, 2007 to cancer. I can totally understand how you're feeling. I was my husbands caregiver for over a year and when he first passed away, I was relieved that he was not in anymore pain but at the same time, I felt so lost because I had no one to care for. I do have an outside job and that helps me but when I come home, it's like what do I do? I found staying busy with what I enjoy really helps. I enjoy sports, so I joined a bowling league for Friday and joined a racket ball team for Thursday nights. I adore my grandkids so I pick one of them up on the weekends and we just do whatever they want. I depend a lot on the love from my family and friends. You can get through this with all of us, we are here to listen and talk to you. We are all in this together. Take care of yourself... Love, Lynette

Hi Teny, I'm sorry to hear that you've been very sick. Hope you have a very speedy recovery and you will be in my thoughts and prayers. Love, Lynette

Deborah, I know about feeling overwhelmed. A couple of months ago I was wishing I would have been the one that died instead of my husband. Trying to work, take care of a house, dogs, yard, pool, 2 cars and I finally went to a grief counselor and she told me, “I know it easy for me to say but you are going to put yourself in a early grave if you don’t stop driving yourself crazy trying to take care of everything just like you and your husband did. The house cleaning and yard work will be there next week, you need to take a break at least 1 day of the week and relax. That was hard for me; I wanted everything to look as good as it did when my husband was alive. I know now, I just can’t do it all. So I do a little at a time during the week and it still all gets done. I also realized when I need help, there’s nothing wrong with letting friends or family know, and I’m not superwomen! As far as my 1 day a week break, I joined a bowling league on Friday nights. That night out, really helps me get a new handle of my life. This is what my counselor gave me about normal grieving, it helps me understand that all these feelings I am having are very normal and it will get better. Hope this helps.. Lynn MANIFESTATIONS OF NORMAL GRIEF FEELINGS COGNITIONS * Shock * Disbelief * Numbness * Confusion * Relief * Inability to concentrate * Emancipation * Preoccupation with thoughts of deceased * Sadness * Sense of Presence * Yearning * Visual and auditory hallucinations * Anxiety (fear) * Dreams of deceased * Anger * Sense of going crazy * Guilt & Self-reproach * Loneliness * Helplessness COMPLEX BEHAVIORS * Abandonment * Sleep disturbances * Feeling out of control * Appetite disturbance * Searching and calling out PHYSICAL SENSATIONS * Crying * Hollowness in stomach * Sighing * Tightness in chest * Absent-minded behavior * Tightness in throat * Restless overactivity * Heart palpitations * Visiting places or carrying objects that * Over sensitivity to noise remind one of deceased * Sense of depersonalization (nothing * Avoidance of reminders of deceased seems real, including self) * Social withdrawal * Breathlessness * Lack of capacity to intitate and maintain * Lack of energy patterns of activities * Dry mouth * Identification with the deceased * Gastrointestinal disturbances * Lack of sexual desire adapted from Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy by J.J. Worden, Ph.D.

I have to agree with Mrcelloboy, we have to take charge of our lives. We are all very loving and caring people, and I know this because if we weren’t, we wouldn’t be grieving for our lost soulmate. This evening I went to dinner with my daughter-n-law and granddaughter, which she is 3 years old. As we were setting at the restaurant, Cadence looked up at me and said, “Grammy, have the doctors made Pawpaw better yet?” I responded to her, “No baby, remember I told you Pawpaw was in Heaven and he wasn’t sick anymore. I told her she can talk to him anytime she wants and he can hear her”. She looked up at me and said, “No Grammy, see “Pawpaw, do you hear me?” See Grammy he isn’t answering me”. Well that broke my heart… I hugged her and told her that he can hear her and she will always feel his presence in her heart. She will always be his little angel. I’ve done a lot of soul searching for the last couple of weeks and I don’t want to give up. Yes, I have my very bad days where I don’t want to go to work, I don’t want to get out of bed, I want to hide in my house and cry my eyes out, but I know I have to force myself to go on living. Last year I would go with my husband to MD Anderson Cancer Center and I’d be sitting in the waiting rooms and even in Mike’s hospital room and I’d watch some of the volunteers that would come around doing whatever they needed to do to cheer families or patients up. Some were some dressed as clowns, Santa, etc. and I would see the smiles on the families and patients faces. Anyway, today I made a call to the Medical Center in Houston and told them I’d like to volunteer to work a few hours a weekend as a volunteer at one of the hospitals, and that I’d really love spending time with the children. I explained my situation and they agreed that I don’t need to be with cancer or terminally ill patients, but working with the kids would not only help me, but help them. I’m not telling any of you to do something like this, but I am trying to tell you, that there is someone either family, friends or someone you don’t even know yet that needs your compassion. All my love, Lynette

Welcome to this site and I hope it helps you as much as it helps me. I understand what you mean about music. My "Soulmate" wasn't a musician but he loved music. I can't think of one song that he didn't know the words by heart. Infact, I wasn't much of a music person until I met Mike. The first 3 months I never listened to any music. If I was in a car with someone and they had the radio on, I'd tell them please turn it off. After 5 months, it's getting easier listening to some of his CD's. Infact, there are days I do nothing but listen to his favorite CD's (Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Chicago, Journey, etc.) and for some reason when I play these, I feel as though he is still in our home right beside me doing his crazy dancing and singing as loud as he can. Those days I have the biggest smile on my face and get a burst of energy that I have no idea where it came from. Give it time and one day you will be able enjoy the music that you and you're husband once enjoyed. There is no rush! One day at a time and one foot in front of the other. (I think that is how it goes?) Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. Love, Lynn

Glad to see you back William. I haven't posted very much but I get online everyday to see how everyone is doing. Tomorrow, 15th will be 5 months for me and actually I think I was doing better at 3 months than I am now. I know that makes no sense at all. I think I'm getting over being so mad at Mike for leaving me and our family, now I just want him back. I can tell by your post that you've had some really rough times and I hate to hear that. People can be so mean, the ones that have never dealt with loosing a love one like you're spouse. You just need to be you and don't let anyone try to rush you into anything you are not ready for. If you want to shave, then shave, if you don't, well don't. I have learned one thing through all of this, everyone is different when it comes to grieving. Haven't learned much of anything else but I do know that. lol I've had just the opposite of what you are going through, everyone at work is trying to baby me and I hate that. Like I told my boss last week, Please don't tippy toe around me, I need to stay very busy at work so my mind doesn't think about my loss. Anyway.. wanted to tell you hi and glad to read you're post again. At least now you have some very sweet and loving people to talk to that know exactly what you are going through. Love, Lynn

Kim I can relate to how you are feeling. It's only been 4 1/2 months for me since my Soulmate passed and I think the only thing that gets me by is remembering how much pain and suffering he endured for over a year with cancer. I talk to him daily telling him how I much I miss him and love him but I am very happy and relieved that he is in no more pain and enjoying his new life. Our 14th yr. Anniversary will be in July and I still plan on getting my family together and going on a camping trip just like he and I did for many many years. It might help you if you did something special for you're anniversary. I know your husband will be there with you in spirit. Take care girl and I'll be thinking about you. Love, Lynn

All of your responses are so greatly appreciated and after reading them over and over, I know you all really understand what I’m going through. I know in my heart that I don’t’ want to be alone forever, and I know I probably will never love again the same way that I loved Mike. But I pray that one day I’ll find someone as loving and caring as he. I also know that I need to find myself before I can even have a relationship with anyone else. You see I’ve been married before (10 years) and went through a rather ugly divorce. When Mike came into my life I had been single for about 8 years, very independent and raising two boys on my own. I had actually given up on finding someone that would make my life complete. Then one day out of no where, Mike walked into my life and I knew on our first date that he was the man of my dreams. He was the prince charming that not only took care of me but treated my sons like they were his very own. I just get so mad at myself because some days I feel like my body is just going through the motions and my mind is in another world. I miss the days where I could sit in front of the TV and really watch a good movie. Now I just have the TV on to have some noise in the house. I hate this feeling. This is not me! I know that now is not the time for me to get into a committed relationship, I’m just really missing the holding hands, arm around my shoulder, a kiss on the check, someone to drink coffee with me in the mornings. My poor husband wasn’t able to even do that all of 2007. I think that is what I’m missing the most. Sorry.. didn’t mean to get all mushy, this is actually the first time I’ve cried in several months. Thank you & all my love, Lynn [attachmentid=281]

How do you start a new life after losing you’re soulmate? It’s been 4 ½ months since I lost my love and I’m trying to keep myself busy with work, friends and family but it’s just not the same as it once was. I hate being alone and I’m so afraid that this is the way it will be the rest of my life. Even though it’s only been 4 ½ months, it feels like it’s been a lot longer due to my husband suffering with surgeries and chemo due to the bladder cancer. I even signed up on a bowling league with some friends from work and all I see is happily married couples. I hate it because I once was just like them. I feel like I have a lot of anger built up inside and I hate myself for that. I’ve always been a very happy, friendly person who got along with everyone. I’ve been to counseling and have been told that what I am going through is normal after losing a loved one. What do you need to do get your life back on the right track? Is it wrong that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone, and should I just be content that I was one of the lucky ones that did find true love? When I’m in front of people I put on a real good act, they all think I’m just fine. I don’t’ want my family and friends to see me cry, they had to deal with my tears over a year before Mike actually passed. Do any of you have these same feelings? Please share with me if you do. Thank you, Lynn

William, I think your move shows a lot of courage. My son and I have been looking for 15 acres where we can build two houses, (1) for his family and (1) house for me and by dogs. I find that when I'm not in this house for long periods of time, I do a lot better as far as being depressed. The house I live in now was mine & my husband’s pride & joy. We had it built and in every room I can still see & feel him all around. I hope when the time arrives for me to sale our home and move into my home, I'm 1/2 as strong as you are. As far as you starting to getting rid of some of your wife’s belongings, you and only you will know when that time is right. The only things that I have given away of Mike’s is a few hats & shirts and they went to our sons. I still have his toothbrush in the holder just like he left it. I just am not ready to give his belongings away. In my heart I don’t believe that I have to empty out my husband’s dresser in order for me to move on. I’m like you, I feel like my life has been very fulfilled with love from my husband that will last for a very long time. I wish you the best of luck! Love, Lynette

Dawn, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I know you will find comfort from this group as I have. It's only been 2-1/2 months for me and I think the reason I am beginning to start having somewhat of a new normal life is because of the friendship I have found from this group. Here you can scream and cry and everyone understands what you are going through. I think everyone here has experienced the same emotions as you have or will be experiencing. Again, welcome to our family, Love, Lynette