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Lynette

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Everything posted by Lynette

  1. KayC, I will keep you and you're family in my prayers. Love, Lynette
  2. Welcome to this site Kathy, I'm finding out that in time you learn to cope, but you never stop missing you're loved one. It's been six months for me and with the help from friends and family, I have good days and then I have really bad days. I believe all the "First" (vacations, holidays, etc.) without my prince charming has to be the hardest. I agree that people that are around us try to not mention our spouses who have passed and I think that is because they think it will upset us again. I know my co-workers tippie toe around the subject of their spouses until one day recently I came out and told them it's alright. I'm very happy they have not had to go through what I have gone through and pray to God they never do. Until people have experienced what we all have experienced, they will never understand but you have to love them for trying. Girl, just take one day at a time, don't think of the future right now, it will only put an ache in you're heart. I believe one day we will all find happiness! Stay active and keep posting on this website, it really helps to read what others have experienced. Love, Lynette
  3. Hi Wendy, I sure wish you lived in Texas, we'd go and have a nice dinner and maybe catch a movie. I've done nothing but cry since I left work. I was really looking forward to these (3) days off. Lay by the pool, read and relax. As I was coming home, I probably saw 3 to 4 campers heading out to go camping with their families. Then the tears started and just wouldn't stop. My sons are grown, married and have their own families, so they are all out of town this weekend. My husband & I would take our 5th wheel to the river just about every holiday and on vacations around this time. Today, when I got home, I changed, got a drink and went to get into the pool but that didn't last long. Every evening when we would get home from work in the summer, we'd put our suits on and jump in the pool and just talk about our day and what our plans would be for the upcoming weekend. Is it going to be like this every time you want to do something you and you're loved one use to do? Just the other day, I was thinking that I was doing a lot better than I was just 2 months ago and then I have days like today. Everyone at work was talking about what their families were doing this weekend and I just wanted to yell at them and shut up! I hate being like this. I feel like all the fun and love that was once in me is totally gone. I just want to be me again. I hope you all have the best weekend that you possibly can, Love, Lynn
  4. SingleDad2, The girl’s biological dad must me a very insensitive, uncaring individual to be putting those girls through this ordeal after losing their mom. If he were any kind of person, and truly wanted to be a part of their lives, he would not go this route. I have two sons that are mine from a previous marriage also. Their stepdad, my late husband, was more of a father to them than their biological dad. Six months ago, I saw how much my husband’s death hurt my sons. Mike played an important role in their lives and the love they had for him and he had for them, couldn’t be any stronger if he would have been their biological dad. He was only in our lives for 14 years, but in those 14 years, he earned that title “DAD” hands down. You need to do what you feel in your heart is right. From reading your posts, it sounds like the girls know who they want as a father. Remember, whatever happens, you will always be their “DAD”. You’ve earned it and there nothing he can do to take that away. Hang in there, as I have realized, even with the lost of my soulmate, between family and friends, we will get through this! You and you’re family are in my thoughts and prayers, Lynn
  5. Jackie, I'm glad you found this site. I think it will help you alot hearing how others are surviving. I too lost my love on Nov. 15th, 2007 to cancer. I can totally understand how you're feeling. I was my husbands caregiver for over a year and when he first passed away, I was relieved that he was not in anymore pain but at the same time, I felt so lost because I had no one to care for. I do have an outside job and that helps me but when I come home, it's like what do I do? I found staying busy with what I enjoy really helps. I enjoy sports, so I joined a bowling league for Friday and joined a racket ball team for Thursday nights. I adore my grandkids so I pick one of them up on the weekends and we just do whatever they want. I depend a lot on the love from my family and friends. You can get through this with all of us, we are here to listen and talk to you. We are all in this together. Take care of yourself... Love, Lynette
  6. Hi Teny, I'm sorry to hear that you've been very sick. Hope you have a very speedy recovery and you will be in my thoughts and prayers. Love, Lynette
  7. Deborah, I know about feeling overwhelmed. A couple of months ago I was wishing I would have been the one that died instead of my husband. Trying to work, take care of a house, dogs, yard, pool, 2 cars and I finally went to a grief counselor and she told me, “I know it easy for me to say but you are going to put yourself in a early grave if you don’t stop driving yourself crazy trying to take care of everything just like you and your husband did. The house cleaning and yard work will be there next week, you need to take a break at least 1 day of the week and relax. That was hard for me; I wanted everything to look as good as it did when my husband was alive. I know now, I just can’t do it all. So I do a little at a time during the week and it still all gets done. I also realized when I need help, there’s nothing wrong with letting friends or family know, and I’m not superwomen! As far as my 1 day a week break, I joined a bowling league on Friday nights. That night out, really helps me get a new handle of my life. This is what my counselor gave me about normal grieving, it helps me understand that all these feelings I am having are very normal and it will get better. Hope this helps.. Lynn MANIFESTATIONS OF NORMAL GRIEF FEELINGS COGNITIONS * Shock * Disbelief * Numbness * Confusion * Relief * Inability to concentrate * Emancipation * Preoccupation with thoughts of deceased * Sadness * Sense of Presence * Yearning * Visual and auditory hallucinations * Anxiety (fear) * Dreams of deceased * Anger * Sense of going crazy * Guilt & Self-reproach * Loneliness * Helplessness COMPLEX BEHAVIORS * Abandonment * Sleep disturbances * Feeling out of control * Appetite disturbance * Searching and calling out PHYSICAL SENSATIONS * Crying * Hollowness in stomach * Sighing * Tightness in chest * Absent-minded behavior * Tightness in throat * Restless overactivity * Heart palpitations * Visiting places or carrying objects that * Over sensitivity to noise remind one of deceased * Sense of depersonalization (nothing * Avoidance of reminders of deceased seems real, including self) * Social withdrawal * Breathlessness * Lack of capacity to intitate and maintain * Lack of energy patterns of activities * Dry mouth * Identification with the deceased * Gastrointestinal disturbances * Lack of sexual desire adapted from Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy by J.J. Worden, Ph.D.
  8. I have to agree with Mrcelloboy, we have to take charge of our lives. We are all very loving and caring people, and I know this because if we weren’t, we wouldn’t be grieving for our lost soulmate. This evening I went to dinner with my daughter-n-law and granddaughter, which she is 3 years old. As we were setting at the restaurant, Cadence looked up at me and said, “Grammy, have the doctors made Pawpaw better yet?” I responded to her, “No baby, remember I told you Pawpaw was in Heaven and he wasn’t sick anymore. I told her she can talk to him anytime she wants and he can hear her”. She looked up at me and said, “No Grammy, see “Pawpaw, do you hear me?” See Grammy he isn’t answering me”. Well that broke my heart… I hugged her and told her that he can hear her and she will always feel his presence in her heart. She will always be his little angel. I’ve done a lot of soul searching for the last couple of weeks and I don’t want to give up. Yes, I have my very bad days where I don’t want to go to work, I don’t want to get out of bed, I want to hide in my house and cry my eyes out, but I know I have to force myself to go on living. Last year I would go with my husband to MD Anderson Cancer Center and I’d be sitting in the waiting rooms and even in Mike’s hospital room and I’d watch some of the volunteers that would come around doing whatever they needed to do to cheer families or patients up. Some were some dressed as clowns, Santa, etc. and I would see the smiles on the families and patients faces. Anyway, today I made a call to the Medical Center in Houston and told them I’d like to volunteer to work a few hours a weekend as a volunteer at one of the hospitals, and that I’d really love spending time with the children. I explained my situation and they agreed that I don’t need to be with cancer or terminally ill patients, but working with the kids would not only help me, but help them. I’m not telling any of you to do something like this, but I am trying to tell you, that there is someone either family, friends or someone you don’t even know yet that needs your compassion. All my love, Lynette
  9. Welcome to this site and I hope it helps you as much as it helps me. I understand what you mean about music. My "Soulmate" wasn't a musician but he loved music. I can't think of one song that he didn't know the words by heart. Infact, I wasn't much of a music person until I met Mike. The first 3 months I never listened to any music. If I was in a car with someone and they had the radio on, I'd tell them please turn it off. After 5 months, it's getting easier listening to some of his CD's. Infact, there are days I do nothing but listen to his favorite CD's (Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Chicago, Journey, etc.) and for some reason when I play these, I feel as though he is still in our home right beside me doing his crazy dancing and singing as loud as he can. Those days I have the biggest smile on my face and get a burst of energy that I have no idea where it came from. Give it time and one day you will be able enjoy the music that you and you're husband once enjoyed. There is no rush! One day at a time and one foot in front of the other. (I think that is how it goes?) Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. Love, Lynn
  10. Glad to see you back William. I haven't posted very much but I get online everyday to see how everyone is doing. Tomorrow, 15th will be 5 months for me and actually I think I was doing better at 3 months than I am now. I know that makes no sense at all. I think I'm getting over being so mad at Mike for leaving me and our family, now I just want him back. I can tell by your post that you've had some really rough times and I hate to hear that. People can be so mean, the ones that have never dealt with loosing a love one like you're spouse. You just need to be you and don't let anyone try to rush you into anything you are not ready for. If you want to shave, then shave, if you don't, well don't. I have learned one thing through all of this, everyone is different when it comes to grieving. Haven't learned much of anything else but I do know that. lol I've had just the opposite of what you are going through, everyone at work is trying to baby me and I hate that. Like I told my boss last week, Please don't tippy toe around me, I need to stay very busy at work so my mind doesn't think about my loss. Anyway.. wanted to tell you hi and glad to read you're post again. At least now you have some very sweet and loving people to talk to that know exactly what you are going through. Love, Lynn
  11. Kim I can relate to how you are feeling. It's only been 4 1/2 months for me since my Soulmate passed and I think the only thing that gets me by is remembering how much pain and suffering he endured for over a year with cancer. I talk to him daily telling him how I much I miss him and love him but I am very happy and relieved that he is in no more pain and enjoying his new life. Our 14th yr. Anniversary will be in July and I still plan on getting my family together and going on a camping trip just like he and I did for many many years. It might help you if you did something special for you're anniversary. I know your husband will be there with you in spirit. Take care girl and I'll be thinking about you. Love, Lynn
  12. All of your responses are so greatly appreciated and after reading them over and over, I know you all really understand what I’m going through. I know in my heart that I don’t’ want to be alone forever, and I know I probably will never love again the same way that I loved Mike. But I pray that one day I’ll find someone as loving and caring as he. I also know that I need to find myself before I can even have a relationship with anyone else. You see I’ve been married before (10 years) and went through a rather ugly divorce. When Mike came into my life I had been single for about 8 years, very independent and raising two boys on my own. I had actually given up on finding someone that would make my life complete. Then one day out of no where, Mike walked into my life and I knew on our first date that he was the man of my dreams. He was the prince charming that not only took care of me but treated my sons like they were his very own. I just get so mad at myself because some days I feel like my body is just going through the motions and my mind is in another world. I miss the days where I could sit in front of the TV and really watch a good movie. Now I just have the TV on to have some noise in the house. I hate this feeling. This is not me! I know that now is not the time for me to get into a committed relationship, I’m just really missing the holding hands, arm around my shoulder, a kiss on the check, someone to drink coffee with me in the mornings. My poor husband wasn’t able to even do that all of 2007. I think that is what I’m missing the most. Sorry.. didn’t mean to get all mushy, this is actually the first time I’ve cried in several months. Thank you & all my love, Lynn [attachmentid=281]
  13. How do you start a new life after losing you’re soulmate? It’s been 4 ½ months since I lost my love and I’m trying to keep myself busy with work, friends and family but it’s just not the same as it once was. I hate being alone and I’m so afraid that this is the way it will be the rest of my life. Even though it’s only been 4 ½ months, it feels like it’s been a lot longer due to my husband suffering with surgeries and chemo due to the bladder cancer. I even signed up on a bowling league with some friends from work and all I see is happily married couples. I hate it because I once was just like them. I feel like I have a lot of anger built up inside and I hate myself for that. I’ve always been a very happy, friendly person who got along with everyone. I’ve been to counseling and have been told that what I am going through is normal after losing a loved one. What do you need to do get your life back on the right track? Is it wrong that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone, and should I just be content that I was one of the lucky ones that did find true love? When I’m in front of people I put on a real good act, they all think I’m just fine. I don’t’ want my family and friends to see me cry, they had to deal with my tears over a year before Mike actually passed. Do any of you have these same feelings? Please share with me if you do. Thank you, Lynn
  14. William, I think your move shows a lot of courage. My son and I have been looking for 15 acres where we can build two houses, (1) for his family and (1) house for me and by dogs. I find that when I'm not in this house for long periods of time, I do a lot better as far as being depressed. The house I live in now was mine & my husband’s pride & joy. We had it built and in every room I can still see & feel him all around. I hope when the time arrives for me to sale our home and move into my home, I'm 1/2 as strong as you are. As far as you starting to getting rid of some of your wife’s belongings, you and only you will know when that time is right. The only things that I have given away of Mike’s is a few hats & shirts and they went to our sons. I still have his toothbrush in the holder just like he left it. I just am not ready to give his belongings away. In my heart I don’t believe that I have to empty out my husband’s dresser in order for me to move on. I’m like you, I feel like my life has been very fulfilled with love from my husband that will last for a very long time. I wish you the best of luck! Love, Lynette
  15. Dawn, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I know you will find comfort from this group as I have. It's only been 2-1/2 months for me and I think the reason I am beginning to start having somewhat of a new normal life is because of the friendship I have found from this group. Here you can scream and cry and everyone understands what you are going through. I think everyone here has experienced the same emotions as you have or will be experiencing. Again, welcome to our family, Love, Lynette
  16. Kathy, you may think that starting to exercise again is a small step, but girl it’s a very large step for someone who has lost a love one. Any thing you do to make yourself feel good again is a huge step in my mind. You go Girl! Take Care, Lynette
  17. Karen, I would like to know how you came up with 2 1/5 years. Love always Derek Great catch Derek.. I'm in the accounting field and read Karen's post and didn't even notice it was 2-1/5 yrs. Lynette
  18. Scotty, I want to welcome you to this very compassionate website. I know the people here will help you as they have helped me get through some pretty rough times. My husband, Mike has only been gone from my life for 2 months now and I'm still trying to take care of the 1000 things that have to be taken care of. It keeps me very busy for the most part. Mike was diagnosed with bladder Cancer and we dealt with his illnes for over a year so I know how much pain you and your wife had to endure with the chemo and radiation. What keeps me going and I'm finally starting to smile, is just knowing that my husband is in no pain and no more doctors or nurses are stabbing him daily to get blood or connect him to IV's. Just remember, your wife is in no more pain and she will always love you and be with you in spirit. Take care, Lynette
  19. I can agree with everyone, this Valentines Day will be a struggle for me. I lost my love; Mike on Nov. 15th and these first Holidays without him are very hard. On Valentines Day, my Soul mate always treated it like it was the most special Holiday of the entire year besides our Anniversary. There hasn't been a Valentine's Day that I didn't get red roses delivered to me here at work. When we'd get home in the evening, we'd go out for a steak dinner and he'd give me some kind of jewelry. I felt like the luckiest women in the world. All these people around me that are talking about "What am I going to get my husband for Valentines Day?" I just want to scream, "Shut Up"! I know it's not their fault, just months ago I was feeling the same happiness. I refuse to even go down the aisles at the stores that have their Valentines Day merchandise out. All those hearts, candy, etc. I never want to see again. I keep telling myself over and over, I will survive! We all will get through this and be much stronger individuals. Happy "Friends" Valentines to all, Lynette
  20. Walt, I know the poem was meant for Gail, but I wanted to tell you that, that Poem was beautiful! It reminded me of some of my husband's poems he use to send me in emails. Thank you! Take care, Lynette
  21. Hi Lily, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone! We all have had or having the exact emotions that you are experiencing right now. My “Soulmate” has been gone from my life for only two months and I can honestly tell you that it does get easier each month. You will always miss him and love him, and you will have days that you feel that you no longer want to go on living without him. Then you will have good days where you realize that your love would want you to go on living not only for yourself but for him too. There will be days where you feel him real close to you and then days that you don’t feel him close but remember he is always with you. The two things that help me get through the hours, days, weeks is staying very busy, and reading, posting on this website. It helps me knowing that I am not alone and knowing the feelings I am having, others have experienced the same. You are defiantly not crazy; please get that out of your mind. After Mike passed, there were times that I tried to think of ways I could take my own life to be with him. The only reason I could not go through with it was realizing what it would do to my family. My sons and grandkids just lost their Dad and Paw-Paw, what would it do to them if they lost their Mom & Grammy too? I had to stop thinking about just my feelings and take in consideration their feelings too. When you are feeling all alone and need someone to talk to, get on this website, the people here are awesome and will help you in any way they can. You will never be alone; we are all here for you. Your friend, Love Lynette
  22. Kathy, I can relate to how you are feeling. Wednesday the 15th will be 2 months since my husband passed away. I find it easier to handle a lot of the personal matters when I'm at work and there are people around me. I've tried doing these things at home but I always get distracted when I either run across a picture or something else that reminds me of our life together or what we may have been planning to do in the future. We were avid campers also and had all these plans when we retire to take our Rv and go camping for months at a time. Also, what has helped me a lot is doing just a little bit at a time instead of handling everything in one day. When you start feeling sad, get up and go do something that will take you're mind off what made you sad. I'm not sure if this helps, everyone is so different as far as grieving, but I wanted to share with you what helps me get things accomplished and not be so overwhelmed. Take care, Lynn
  23. Congratulation Gail, Grand babies can bring a lot of joy to your life. During the time my husband was suffering from cancer, my granddaughter Cadence would see me crying and she would put her little hand on my arm and tell me "Grammy, don't be sad, Paw Paw will be alright". She always knew how to comfort me in her own lovable way. You're new grandkids will bring a lot of joy in your life. Your husband will always be there watching over them and you will enough love to give them for the both of you. Again, Congratulations and spoil them rotten, that’s what grandparents are for, Lynn
  24. Terry, You don’t need to feel guilty. I’m sure you’re husband knew you would be there for him; he just didn’t want to put his family through so much pain. I too have also felt guilty, I’ve asked myself so many times, what if I would of told Mike I didn’t want him to go through another Chemo treatment, then he wouldn’t of gotten a staph infection, he wouldn’t had been taken to the emergency room and he wouldn’t of died. Then I realize that I just didn’t want to give up, I didn’t want to lose my love without a fight. He did it because he loved his family. Sometimes I feel very selfish because I wouldn’t just give up. Even when the doctors at MD Anderson told us that the chemo would only give him 6 months instead of 3 months. I still was holding on to that hope and possibly a miracle. Terry, I’m sure you’re husband didn’t take his own life because he didn’t think you’d be there for him. I bet in his mind he did it because he didn’t want to see the pain in your eyes. He didn’t want to hurt you anymore. Right after my husband died, his best friend & I were talking and he told me that when he talked to Mike on the phone one day, Mike told him that the cancer wasn’t killing him, but seeing the pain and sadness in my eyes was. I thought I was hiding the tears, but apparently he knew how it was killing me. I just thought he was starting to give up, and it wasn’t that, he saw what it was doing to me and our children. Please hang in there and we’re here for you, Love, Lynn
  25. I am very glad Christmas is over. Out of the 4 days off from work, I think I didn’t cry 1 of those days. I realize it’s all still very new to me. Mike has only been gone for a little over a month, but the pain feels like a lifetime. All of you sound like you are doing so well, I’ll be glad when I can get to that point. I still question God’s reasons for taking such a good husband, father & grandfather. I’m hoping one day soon I’ll get to the point you are all at. I’m hoping the New Year will bring all of us that have lost a loved one, laughter and happiness. Derek, it is very hard to do everything alone, but hang in there. I’m sure it will get easier. At least I keep telling myself that. I even surprised myself tonight; I have no idea how to grill meat, which was totally my husband’s job while I did the veggies. One the way home from work today I told myself that it was time that I learned to grill so I could eat a steak. And I did it. It was a baby step, but the steak was very good and I ate the whole thing. (lol) I wish all of you a very Happy and Safe New Year, Lynn
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