SIR

Hello momsblueeyeboy, I just wanted to say that I know where you are coming from! I, too, lost my mom in 2004! I haven't been "normal" sense. I hate not having her around, being able to talk to her, hug her and tell her how much I love her! There are some days /i feel lije my life is over or I want to end my life so I can be with her because I hurt so much! With this being the first Christmas with out her it just compounds the pain. Sometimes, I don't think that people really understand what I am going through. I often feel all alone and I feel like I am the only one thats going through what I have to deal with. I've got 4 other brothers but all of them seem like they have coped with the situation, but I haven't. But then again, I was the one that was closest to her. On the day that we were making the funeral arrangements everyone was asking me what I wanted to do...because I was "mom's favorite". Well I wasn't really her favorite, she didn't have a favorite she loved us all the same. But I was the one that was closest to her and was the one that always called and went to see her. Unlike your situation I didn't have any real warning signs to perpare me for her passing. I had gone to see her 2 days before she passed away and she seemed fine. Well looking back there were some signs, but hignsight is ALWAYS 20/20. I often blame myself for that too! All I know is I want her back or I want to be with her. Call me selfish but I can't help it. I would gladly give up EVERYTHING I've got to be with her right now. Or have her back with me. Anyway, I know that this is very longwinded but I am going to go for now. Try to enjoy your Holiday Season and if you want to cry, go for it. I know that there are sometimes I just can't hold it in, so i don't bother to try anymore. I hope that you feel better. SIR

Hello everyone, I know exactly what you mean! As many of you already know, I lost my mom on September 29, 2004. This well be the first Christmas without her too. I am really taking it hard. I don't want to do anything, I don't want to buy anything. I just don't want to deal with it right now. I can't wait until it's over with and I can move on with the rest of the crappy year and hope that next is better. Thankfully I've got to work Christmas eve and Christmas day, so I'll be sleeping most of the day to be prepared from my nightshift. I know that I've upset a lot of people by working but I don't really care. I don't want to open gifts or celebrate, I feel like I don't have anything to celebrate or be thankful for. I know that I'm being mellodramatic but thats just the way I feel. I miss my mom more then anyone in my family. I was the closest one to her. I talked to her almost every day and enjoyed my time with her, but it just wasn't enough time for me. I want more! I, like many, just don't know how to deal with it anymore. "STOP the world, I want off!!!" I sometimes feel that I'm not going to make it through it! I've been told that I've aged alot this year and it doesn't surprise me. I've got more grey hair and wrinkles then I've ever seen on my face these days...but once again I don't care. I don't care if I gain weight or if my hair turns white it just doesn't matter to me anymore. Yesterday was very hard for me for some reason. I thought that I was doing okay but I guess not. I was at work and was talking to my friend and I had asked her if my mom knows how much I need her with me right now? It doesn't really matter what she says because I still feel all alone. I am a very selfish person I guess. My boss' mom passed away just about a week ago. He's just like he has always been. I know that he was close to her too, but he seems to be taking it just fine. I offered my condolences to him and he said that his mom lived a full life and did everything she wanted to do and he was happy that she didn't have to suffer long. I know that she was going to be 86 or something, but 86 or 63 it doesn't matter, I still can't get over it. Anyway, I don't know why I went off of this tangent but Thanks for listening.

Hello Terri, How are you doing? I am doing "OKAY", about as good as expected. I still think about my mom and cry sometimes, but it's getting a little better. Like everyone else, I have my good days and I've got my bad. You know the routeen... Anyway, email me back if you get the chance. Russ

Hello, I wanted to write and let you know that I know exactly what you are going through. Here is a little back ground about me. I am a 32 year old male. I lost my mom on September 29th, 2004. That was the worst day of my life. She passed away suddenly from a heart attack, at home, in her sleep. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't cry or think about her. At points I don't want to go on, in fact I often wonder why am I going on. I don't have any kids, I do have a mate, but I need my mom. I have all ways needed my mom. I enjoyed talking to her on the phone and visiting her on a semi-regular basis. I've got 4 older brothers but they don't really live that close to me and we aren't really that close. As sad as this sound I don't need them, I need her. Her passing has left a huge whole in my life. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I walk around in a daze all the time and don't feel like doing anything or even getting out of bed most of the time. Visiting my step-father is just weird anymore. I never really went to visit him I always went to see her. I never talked to him on the phone. But I still feel like I have to support him, I don't really like it. If I had the choice I probably wouldn't have much contact with him at this point. But I feel sorry for him. I feel like I'm the only contact that he's got to the outside world. He never gets any visitors or calls or anything. I feel really bad for him. To make matters worse on the same day that your mom passed away, my grandma, passed away (my favorite Grandma) one year earlier, October 6, 2003. I was just barely adjusting to that. This was my step-fathers mom. She was only 65! My mom was only 63! I feel all alone!!! Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you are NOT alone..... Thanks for listening.

Hi all, As in the title of this post, I am so depressed today. I miss my mom so much!!!! I don't know how much more I can handle. I just want to die and be with her! I don't have anymore life in me. The worse part for me is work. I'll give you a little back ground. I work night shift and 12 hours a day for 3 or 4 days a week. This is the hardest part for me because I used to call my mom everynight while I was at work. I loved the time that we got to spend together. But I need more. Like many others my mom was my best friend. I could tell her anything. She could tell me anything. In fact we talked about everything. I think that everyone has gotten on with their lifes but me. I'm still stuck in the past and can't seem to get over it. I've got 4 brothers that are all older and they are doing fine. I do have a boyfriend that I live with but it's just not the same. I need my mom. I miss her in the worse way! Why did she have to go? One month before she passed away all was good. She was happy. There was nothing wrong. She didn't seem of have any problems. In fact 2 days before she passed away she was fine. I seen her and once again she was happy. Two days later she had (what I believe was) a heart attack and she was gone. I still can't believe it. Why didn't I stay with her for a little bit longer. I need her to hug me again, tell me that she loves me again. I just need her in general. Oh well, I don't know what else to say. I guess I'll close for now. Thanks for listening. Russ

Well all, it's been a month today and it is hitting me hard. I can't believe that it's already been a whole month sense my mom has passed away. I miss her so much. I often wonder why my world hasn't stopped. It's almost like I don't want to go on anymore. I hate it. I know that I've got people that love me very much, but I just can't handle it anymore. Never in my life did I ever think that I'd lose my mom. I guess that I knew that she'd be gone before me, but I didn't think that it would have been this soon. My mom was my best friend, the one that I loved talking to and listening to. Just hearing her voice soothed me in so many ways! Now I will never hear it again. I'll never hear those famous words "I love you". I long for that again....even if it is just once. I've had a couple of dreams about her and I wake up in worse shape. It's usually the same dream but in a different setting. I always tell her the same thing. "I don't want you to go". In my dream I cry and I wake up crying. It's almost a double edge sword. I love seeing her even if it's in my imagination, but I can't handle the waking up part. If I could sleep all the time and stay with her, I would! I sometimes don't know if I am going to make it, or I don't want to go on. I guess it's just me being stupid. I just know that I want her back right now! I can't handle going into her house and her not be there. I hate the fact that I had to go and get rid of all of her clothing and go through all of her things. I don't want anything of hers, I want her! If I could have just one more month, week or even a day with her. I hope that she knows how much I loved her and I miss her!! Oh well, I guess I should close now! Thanks for listening Momma's baby boy! (32)

Sorry again, I meant to say that they've been together for 20 years.

sshort, I can totally understand where your coming from. I lost my mom on September 29, 2004 (about 2 weeks ago). Two days ago my "step-father" had told me that he was in "the friend zone" with this one woman. I didn't know how to take that. I asked him yesterday what he meant by that and the only thing that he told me was "I don't want anything serious". I asked him if he was going to try to pursue somethis sexual....he said that he'd like to try. This has made me VERY upset. His wife, my mom, hasn't even been gone for a month yet and he's on the prowl. I have VERY angry with him right now. But then again, I guess that it shouldn't surprise me, he's never really been a "father figure". He and my mom were together for about years. Thats a long time. I thought that my mom deserves more respect then that. I can tell you that if I find out that he is having sex with this woman, he's not going to be a part of my life anymore. My mother deserves more respect then that. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that your not alone. There are people out there that are worthless....unfortunately, my step-father is one of them. Talk to you soon, SIR

Hello, I can totally understand what you are going through. I lost my mom on September 29, 2004 (2 weeks ago). Your not alone. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her and cry. There also isn't a day that goes by that I don't want to be with her. I hurt all the time, I don't want to do anything. I don't want any visitors, but I don't want to be alone. I have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. I have a hard time eating and don't have any energy anymore. I too feel like I am alone, but I know that I'm not. My brother called me last Saturday and he can't understand why I am so depressed. After all, I was her baby and I was the closest one to her. I called her at least 4 times a week and seen her at least once a month. I have so many regets, like, why didn't I visit more. Why did I put her through hell when I was growing up. I was such a bad son. I did nothing my complain about everything. This one time I made her so mad that she pulled her own hair and pulled a bunch out. Now I wished that I would have never done that. I once told her that I hated her.....she knows that I didn't mean it but still I can't take it back now. I know that all 5 of us were a handfull. But it seems now that I am the one that suffering now. All I want is to have her back! I want to be able to hug her and tell her how much I love her. I know that she knows but I just want more time.....Time that I'll never have again. My mom passed away suddenly. She was only 63. We still don't the cause of death, but, I think that it was a heart attach. I wish that I would have seen the signs and taken her to the doctor, maybe she would have been here today. Mom was never the type to go to the doctor, EVER! I will forever miss her. There are times that I feel like there is no need for me to go on. I know that I don't sound like a real MAN but I don't care. I was a MOMMAS boy. I always have been and always will be. My mom could do nothing wrong. Just know that your not alone. I hope that this note didn't depress you even more.

I know what you are going through.....there is nothing i can say that will help you. I know that no matter what anyone says to me it doesn't matter. But I am sorry to hear about your mom.

Dear Group, I just signed up for this forum. I've never signed up for anything like this but I need to talk to someone. I am in need of some help. I am a 32 year old male. I also just lost my mom. She passed away on Wednesday September 29, 2004. Thats when my world ended. I know that it sound melodramatic, but I hurt so much!!!! I don't want to live anymore, I want to be with her. I know that it's only been a little over a week but it's not helping. I was a Mommas boy, I was there for her and called her all the time. After all she was only 63! I can tell you this past 2 years have been horrible for me. On October 6 of last year I lost my grandma (my stepfathers mom) she was my favorate grandma (the only grandma I really knew). This hit me as such a shock. I am barely getting over her, and now this. I know that I've got other family, but I feel all alone! I cry all the time and just dont want to do anything. My mom was my all....I don't think that I can get though this. Anyway, I'll write more later....thanks