My name is Catherine and I am a 28 year old mother of 3 young boys. Austin is 7 and severely ADHD and Christian and Aaron are fraternal twin boys and are 5 Aaron is ADHD and Christian is Autistic. I am married to Bart. I lost my father on August 30, 2004. That is the day my world ended. I live in Texas and he lived in Louisiana. I flew home the day after he passed away alone. My husband promised he would come to be there with me for the funeral and never came....his excuse was that it was too far to drive.(5hrs away) Since I came home from the funeral I have been in a fog...My husband is not sympathetic. He said that I should be over this by now and when I asked him if I could purchase a book on grief he told me that I didn't need a book that I would get over it on my own. When he came in today and saw that I was upset(today has been a particularly rough day) he actually yelled at me..told me that I needed to start pulling my weight around here with the housework and laundry and cooking..How could he be so cruel? I hate him. He is robbing me of my grief. I need to grieve for my father but he is not allowing it. I started cutting myself yesterday. FOr some reason the physical pain is soothing compared to the craziness in my head. I had a dream last night about dying. Being with my daddy again. What it would be like when my husband found me. I think I am going crazy..part of me wants to get in the car and never look back...Someone please tell me I am not losing it..I have no outlets...I cannot write in my journal..TV does no good, I have gained 13 pounds from eating nothing but junk food, I can't sleep, I have nobody to talk to...I am even starting to not like my own kids!! All they do is take take take until I have nothing left to give....I feel so utterly alone...empty....left behind....despair.This morning he took all of the pictures I had of my father and me and made me stand there and watch him put them through the shredder..why is he being so cruel?? Does he not realize he is killing me?? Does he even care?? Cat
