AllyNoble

okay probably a stupid question - but lately have found myself confronted by this quite a bit - its coming up to 3 years since my son was killed and some of the comments I get range from the completely hurtful to the not so thoughtful for example - have worked a long week I am tired - get invited out for dinner Friday evening - I reply no thanks I am a bit tired - reply received - you do know its nearly 3 years - he wouldnt want you hiding yourself away . o O ( well duh yes I know its nearly 3 years I live with it everyday - I don't wish to go out I am tired from work etc - why does everything get brought back to his death ) I now never respond because I am just so overwhelmed by this response another example when I had a bad day recently - granted it was a public forum but I didnt quite expect this response

oopsy waltc if that constitutes crazyness then i guess they better lock me up too - I guess we all find comfort in our own small ways - and talking to my sons star is also a great reliever for me hugs

STARKISS 2 years and 4 months ago marty gave me some information and like so many others told me things would get easier - at the time I was not so sure that they spoke the truth - now I can definitely say that time does heal and even though life as you knew it will no longer be the same you will grow into a different life and cherish those who have left your side

to all those who have shared their stories - hugs and strength I know its easy to say but time does heal the sharp pain that goes with losing a loved one In the early days of losing my son the pain was there on a daily occurrence now its there but not so acute, then when I lost my dad the pain became a little more acute but quickly respited - I kept telling myself I got through losing my son I can get through losing my dad, then a few more deaths within our family circle made me realise that I was to either begin to sink or swim - i decided to get me some floaties and just relax and go with the flow dont get me wrong there are some days when I sit and question the whole circle of life and I wonder what on God's green earth did I ever do to deserve all this - but at the end of the day I have realised that none of the deaths were my fault and nothing I could of changed would of made things different I too was with my father when he passed on and although the memory is still there it is now more peaceful and ambient if that makes sense. with my son I cannot say the same I often question the reasoning for losing him, although not as often now, but when I hear of people abusing their children I wonder why they couldn't of lost their child whom they obviously dont cherish - I know that sounds very unchristian but its how I feel. we had a woman who chopped her sons leg off with an axe here recently, this incident broke me down more so I think than when my son first went away - what ever did I do in my life that was so bad that God had to take my son away and yet this woman who doesnt want her child gets to keep hers - how unjust is that - how can a parent like that remain on earth when my father, who did nothing but good things through his life, had to be taken then I realised the saying God only takes the best is so very true, this is what helps me through - this is what keeps me sane knowing that he took my precious family members because they are the best. sorry for rambling so long but I hope it helps you through your darkest hours love and best wishes

huge hugs angel words cannot begin to help you through this tough period and I know its easy for me to say but it does get easier how does one begin to find their way through the mist, to fathom the whys and wherefores from one mother who has lost a child to another - I offer all the courage to help you get through this difficult time, be gentle on yourself

to lose a child is the most unimaginable pain to bear one can't begin to imagine unless one has been there the long road of grief is way beyond belief the weight of the ache bears down each day Have you ever woken hung over and confused and been able to sober up after a few hours imagine what its like to wake like that every day never to be able to sober up to know that your child breathes no more to know there will be no more smiles no more cuddles the nothingness is endless every waking hour guarded with threats of tears

I haven't lost a son - I have gained a network of appreciation for a life cut short I haven't lost a son - I have learnt he lives on in so many others I haven't lost a son - I have gained numerous friends Today his mates held a memorial for him - attended by about 182 people from all walks of life the topics of speeches ranged from his awesome ability to make people smile, to his ability to turn the tables on something bad. I guess I never realised how much of an impact he had on people, for one so young he certainly brightened an awful lot of lives I haven't lost a son I have gained an insight into how the world was turned by a cherub.

well here I am again like a bad penny have been waking in these early hours with nightmares - my son is all broken and I cannot fix him - my throat is dry from screaming and the sweat is cold - I am not sure I can keep doing this anymore have so many crazy thought of jumping on a train track and seeing how long it take for me to die

thankyou sis thats beaustiful

My dad passed away on the 13th September 2004 after being diagnosed with Cancer only weeks before - he was only on morphine for 1 day - so I guess I am blessed that he didnt suffer long - This is the eulogy I wrote and read for him The face I loved is missing; the voice I loved is still The hands that did so much for all, are resting at Gods will It breaks my heart to lose him, but he did not go alone For a part of me went with him, now God has called him home Born in Dowlais South Wales on the 6th May 1934 to Eva-May and William John. Dad had 2 younger brothers David and Bryan, who unfortunately are unable to be with us today, but are here in spirit. Dad grew up and was educated in Merthyr Tydfil South Wales, and at the tender age of 15 took on the father role of his brothers when his father passed away. He did an electrical apprenticeship with ICI in South Wales; in lieu of national service he joined Royal Naval Reserves. At 21 he did his national service with the Royal Navy. During which time he married Sheila Ann 4th June 1955. He was the father to 4 children Denise, Cheryl, Kelvin and myself. After the completion of his national service he resumed employment at ICI. After this he worked as a time study officer for the Merthyr Borough Council. During which time he became interested in the workings of Local Government. My earliest memory of dad was in the local baths when he would amaze us with his skill of holding his breath under water whilst we would walk on his back. In July 1971 he made the bold move of bringing us to Australia, to find a better life for us. Dad commenced working at BHP as an Electrician in the BOS, and enjoyed a full community life. Ensuring the needs of all were catered for. Dad was always out there for people in the community, always willing to open the door for anyone who needed help in anyway. And if he couldn’t help he went out of his way to find where they could get the help that they required. In 1973 Dad approached the local councillor of the time with an idea for organising a group for young teens and after being scoffed at, in his usual manner took matters into his own hands and ran for the seat at the local council. He door knocked every house in the electorate of Whyalla Stuart, spoke to every householder regarding the then issues of the area, including a school crossing for Flinders Avenue and more street lighting for the area. He was elected to council in July 1973. During the 28 years of his service to the Whyalla Community he served on many organisations ranging from President to committee member. Dads welsh heritage was one of the most important part of his life, the hiraeth was strong. And in the words of the song we’ll keep a welcome, his longing and yearning for Wales became instrumental in his actioning of a plan he hatched to organise a trip back to Wales which has been enjoyed by many people to travel home, this became an annual event with the airline organising a plane to Whyalla to pick up the passengers as the number was bigger than anyone had ever imagined. When Dad heard that Harry Secombe was coming to Australia Dad approached the owner of the Westland hotel to bring him here, the manager replied that there would not be enough support to render such a request feasible. Dad in his usual manner went round and rallied support for his idea and the place was booked to capacity. And the night was a resounding success with people travelling from Adelaide. Dad was instrumental in bringing the “Whyalla” home to rest during 1985. He enjoyed the challenge and the involvement of ensuring that the Whyalla was resting in her rightful place. For many years Dad enjoyed bringing joy to many children as Santa in the Whyalla Pageant. Dad had an awesome sense of humour, which we all have been privileged to gain from him. one of Denise’s suitors was the first to gain an insight to OUR Family when on their second date was sent off with a packed lunch so that he didn’t eat his daughter. To us kids Dad seemed extremely strict; the curfews we endured seemed inappropriate to us at the time. one friend once commented be thankful your parents actually care enough to give you a time to come home. And although we may not have felt them fair the care and loving from the family life we had has given us some values that we will carry through our lives proudly. Our poor mother had a lot to endure from dad, in his extremely caring way dad was always willing to bring home people who were in need of help, Christmas was a joyous time for us and often became a larger affair, as if we didn’t have enough family to enjoy the festivities with dad was often seen out and about looking for those who would be on their own for the day, he would pick them up and bring them home to join us. Do you recall the verse that says “someone else” will do it, well from a very early age I discovered that my father was that “someone else”. A person who was always there for others he instilled most of my life values. When someone needed a hand my father had two. When something needed doing Dad was willing to pitch in. Whether it was donating blood or organising things for the community Dad would of been there, whether pulling up his sleeves or making phone calls writing letters Dad was there. The face I loved is missing; the voice I loved is still The hands that did so much for all, are resting at Gods will It breaks my heart to lose him, but he did not go alone For a part of me went with him, now God has called him home

"A Letter From Heaven" To my dearest family. Somethings I like to say, but first of all, to let you know, that I arrived ok. I’m writing this from Heaven, here I dwell with God above. Here, there’s no more tears of sadness; Here is just eternal love. Please do not be unhappy just because I’m out of sight, Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night. That day I had to leave you when my life on Earth was through, God picked me up and huged me and he said, I welcome you. Its good to have you back again, you were missed while you were gone, as for your family, they’ll be here later on. I need you here badly, your part of my plan, there’s so much that we have to do to help our mortal man. God gave me a list of things that he wished for me to do, and formost on the list, was to watch and care for you. And I will be beside you every day, week and year and when your sad I’m standing there to wipe away your tears. And when you lie in bed at night the days chores put to flight, God and I are close to you in the middle of the night. When you think of my life on earth and all those loving years, because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears. But do not be afraid to cry, it does relieve the pain, remember there would be no flowers unless there was the rain. I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned, If I were to tell you, you would not understand. But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is over, I am closer to you now, than I ever was before. And to my very many friends trust God knows what is best, I’m still not far away from you I’m just beyond the crest. There are many rocky roads ahead of you, and many hills to climb, but together we can do it by taking one day at a time. It was always my philosophy and I’d like it for you to: that as give unto the world, the world will give to you. So if you can help someone who is in sarrow and in pain, then you can say to God ... my day was not in vain. And now I am contented... that my life was worth while, know as I passed along the way I made somebody smile. So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low, just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go. When your walking down the street and you’ve got me on your mind, I’m walking in your footsteps only half a step behind. And when it’s time for you to go... from that body to be free, remember your’re not going.... you’re comming here to me. And I will always love you from that land way up above. We will be in touch soon. P.S. God Sends His Love (KindHrtdMale) I was sent this by a friend and thought I would pass it on

remember when you were pregnant when you passed on your good news advice comes in from everywhere everyone has news for you well now your child has left you your child has gone away advice comes in from everywhere everyone has news for you they all know how your feeling they all know you are blue they also know you need to move on and get over this one too everywhere you go everywhere around everyone knows where your at and where you should be now advice abounds from everywhere and everyone is wise but just how much do they really know not much as i have found

sorry me again how do you tell your friends to back off today my daughter graduates high school tonight we have a dinner and a presentation I have spoken at length with her and she knows how awesomely proud I am of her but just am not strong enough to watch her graduate this seems so wrong and I feel so selfish for not being able to face it Daniel is meant to be here he is meant to be graduating too I cannot watch his friends graduate .. I have sat and thought and thought some more and am not sure I can stay strong through the whole night I spoke to my daughter about it and told her that I dont want to ruin the night for her - she is the most amazing person - I love her soo much she has given me soo much and yet I cannot do this all I have done is cry today - all I can do is think of the waste of a young life when I should be celebrating her achievement is this soo wrong I have soo many friends throwing advice at me - telling me how thoughtless I am being my father should be here celebrating all this with us .. I just wish people would back off - this is like - I dont know how to describe it grrrr this is soo frustrating

The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears. If you are really my friend, let me hear the beautiful music of his name. It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul.

Just how much can one person be expected to take just how many deaths in ones close family can one be expected to take Just when you think things have slowed back to some kind of normality wham it lands right back in your face landing like some unseen weight on your chest comments from well meaning people do not make it any easier well I do not particualrly find that amusing nor remotely caring do we as grieving people have to refrain from going near people for fear of putting them in unease I was told people won't come near me because they don't know what to say .. I do not know which is worse the being ignored as if I dont exist or the unthoughtful comments I am really getting to the stage where I really do not know where to turn or what to do with myself