Dear Teny,
I don't get on here much anymore either. I check in and read sometimes to see if anyone has been able to find happiness because it feels like I will never ever be truly happy again. It's so hard when everything you had planned for your golden years is ripped away after nearly 43 years of marriage. I keep reaching out to other widows, I plan and take trips, I exercise, and then I come home to this empty house. I turn on the TV for noise, I sleep with the TV on because I'm afraid of noises I hear when I go to bed, and I wonder why I'm so afraid because if I died, it would get me to where I want to be...with Harry. You are not alone. I try to put on my happy face because when I don't have it on I get questioned and the people questioning me can't really help because there is no answer. Now you know why I don't post here because I'm crying as I read what I type so how in God's name could this post help anyone else? I've been told recently (by another widow no less) that I'm negative which really hurt my feelings...but in rereading this I have to face the fact that she is right.
On the anniversary of Harry's death last year (year one) I had a little ceremony in the yard where he died. I plan to repeat it again this Decembr 22nd (year two). It seems to give me something to focus on to prepare me for that terrible day. I don't know if you do anything like that as a memorial but it might help somewhat. I will be praying for you.
Love,
Sherry