Sharon

that's sad........plus I find these boards very confusing.thanks anyway.........hope you all find the support and comfort you are seeking. God Bless Sharon

Hi all........I just wanted to add that I can so identify with all of these feelings I have been reading about. I lost my dear mother on 9/20. She had never been sick a day in her life until a year and a helf ago when she "accidentally" found out she had lung cancer. She had a lung removed, radiation, refused chemo and had a fairly good prognosis until 5 months later when it returned in her brain. She had surgery again, more radation and it returned again. Rather then out her through any more as she was rapidly getting weaker and weaker, they suggested a nursing home as she was having neurological problems and needed constant care. They gave her 6 months which was devestating.......it turned out to be 3 weeks. The differences I see is that my Mom was never strong.......as the oldest it was always me that cared for her. We were very close, but 3 years ago I moved away. During her illness I returned home to care for her 3 times. I was due to return for a visit on 9/28 when I got a call on the 19th that iut was bad and I needed to come sooner. I changed my plane tickets for the next day, the 20th. She died during the night and I didn't make it. I talked on the phone to her every day until she couldn't even use the phone any longer. She knew I was coming, and I didn't. I feel such loss and hury and guilt. I long to hear her voice. I actually say to myself, "gee I gotta call Mom and tell her that" and then remember I can't. It is all so surreal. I try to picture her face and already it is hard and that is very upsetting. Other times I can and that is upsetting too. I feel as though I am losing my mind. It has been about 6 weeks and it still is like it is not real. If you would like to share or if I can help even though I am a basket case myself, I am here. You are not alone. I don't know whst else to say........thanks for listening.....