mduwyenie

I have not been on here for quite sometime, but I know that this was very useful help for me! I had been struggling with personal issues myself, but always had that urge to want to talk with my mom who has been gone for just under five years now. I didn't have anyone to talk with that wasn't going to be judgmental or could really be there for me as a mother figure. I just want to say that the pain doesn't ever go away not even with time. It's hard yes I agree but we will never have our mom, until we too cross over, but there are plenty of people in the same situation that can lend a listen ear and provide comfort when your feeling blue. Keep up the strength to continue living for your own family! We are all here if you need us, as you are here when we need you.

Hi Nicole, Just wanted to let you know that I and others all have gone through something similiar with what your dealing with in your range of emotions. I'm here also if you want to talk. Mary

Dear MartyT, I do appreciate your compassion and guidance. We might not always give thanks to others when they give us helpful advice, but know that I do and will always appreciate your words of wisdom!

Dear JLU, Yes, it is difficult. Especially, when you used to talk with your mom at least once a day. Now there is silence. I have my younger sister, but we live apart from each other. We are at least four hours away from each other. We do talk on the phone, but neither of us tells one another how we truly feel with our emotions about our mom. We talk but probably not to our deepest concerns. We are all we have. Our father is living in another state, where my sister is currently, but the strong connection we had long ago is not completely there today. My father remarried and that whole issue is another story onto its own. My mothers sisters are there for us, but sometimes it feels like we shouldn't bog them down with our problems. They have problems of their' own. I don't know what to do sometimes and wished I had my mom's advice to guide me. It is probably much tougher on my sister with the loss of our mom. My sister lived with my mom. I'm sure for her it is very lonely for her to be in the house. We have my mom's brother living with my sister, but that situation is not good either. It's comforting knowing that he is there for security within the house, but he lacks the responsibility of paying for bills on time. It's a burden to my sister worrying about paying for the rent and so forth. I guess that's what makes me worry for her. He is over 50yrs. old, has a job, but could care less of doing what is responsible. All he cares about is going out and have drinks at Hooters! I just don't understand that at all. As you may have read my sister has a visual impairment, and stays pretty much at home, I wish that she had something else that she could be doing. But I know that she feels like she is in a hole and can't get out. My sister is still young, she is 25, I know that she wants to go back to school but hasn't been able to get herself to go apply for graduate school. She just feels like a burden to everybody, but I keep telling her that she needs to go out and do what she wants to do. That what makes her happy. The biggest problem is transportation, since she is not able to drive, and dial a ride is not available currently where she lives. She just stays at home. I really think she needs to find a place that is cheaper in rent and closer to the school she wants to attend. I know that will be difficult because she is holding onto what memories are there of our mom.

As of yesterday, I was away a for awhile, having gone through some medical issues. Sometimes difficult, because now I am on meds until I get to the golden years so it seems. I guess I'm emotional right now due to the holidays, it just brings up so many memories of my mom. As with many of you it was a closeness that we as a family shared together during these times. Now it just doesn't feel the same without mom. Lately, she is all I think about. It is slowly getting better but I think the sadness will always be there.

Dear MartyT, Just returned back to the forum, after my surgery. Thanks for all your words of encouragement. Had my surgery on May 19th, everything went well. I was so scared when I had to travel to Tucson for the surgery. Found out that I had one of the best doctors I could ever have on my side. Very relieved that the surgery went so well. I still have pain now and then, but I'm sure I still need to heal. It's been just about 6 months since the surgery. I hope all continues well in my health now. Just don't know nowadays with all the cancer people are contracting and dying from, knock on wood for all of us.

Dear DawnG, Yes, there are many of us that can relate to what your feeling. I also I'm going through my second year without my mom. The emotions all start to flood over me starting with my mom's birthday on November 17th. Then it gets difficult during Thanksgiving time and now will continue through Christmas and into New Year's Day. All these hold special memories for me of my mom, and missing all that she did during these holidays. I miss her stuffing during Thanksgiving, her fudge, divinity, mexican wedding cookies during Christmas. The worst part is not being able to give a hug and tell her that I love her. I truly miss her, but I know she is in a better place, free from any pain and suffering. I know that she is watching over us - I and my sister. Be strong and know there are people here to help you.

Dear Josie038, The loss of a loved one will always tear your heart away. My mom passed away a year ago Monday(4/7/07) of ovarian cancer. I will never; hopefully in my life time, deal with what you had to deal with when you had to take your mom of life support. That must have been a very hard decision to decide. I think most of us what to believe that miracles happen to others, and why can't it work for you and your family. My mom went so fast that I didn't plan the the final moments of her life like I wanted. Sitting here right now with tears welling in my eyes, because I think about that everyday and I wish I could have known what was going to be the final outcome. The pain is still very fresh and am trying to deal with my grief still to this day. But I just wanted to let you know that others do care and will try to help you the best way that they can. Each individual will travel their unique journey through life, and thank the people that have been a part of your life. Each have brought a precious gift to you. Mary

Yes, Cindi it was kinda painful hearing others grief in the support group. But it was kinda good to know that people will listen to your feelings. The time went so fast during the session, and many were supportive of us being "new" to the group. Which gave us comfort that we felt welcomed. I attended the group with my sister. We both kinda didn't say to much after the introduction, but listened to others which brought about emotions about our mom. On Monday, April 7th it was the first year anniversary of our mom passing on. It was difficult of course to get through the day, but the first thing I did that morning was pray and looked for guidance from my mom. Sometimes the grief hits you all of a sudden, and all you want to do is cry. I try not to cry to much because I don't want to bring sickness to myself. I know that my mom wouldn't want me to be so worried all the time. That's all I have to say for now. Thanks for listening and thank you for your concern. It really does help when someone is there to talk with.

Attended a support group last week, it was good. Just barely touched the surface with my feelings. All I did was think of my mom and cry. I miss her so much!!! The people in the group were very supportive, but how can I heal when I live so far away from this great service. My area doesn't offer this where I live, and I don't think I would be comfortable to talk with others in my area. Very small community where everybody knows each other! I just need to let it all out. I feel lonely and lost.

Another day, another day missing my mom. It is truly hard for those of us left here on earth. How I long for a day where I could just have one chance to talk to my mom again(in person). Let her know that I'm doing alright, and let her know not to worry about us(my sister and I). Yes, are hearts ache every day without her, but I wouldn't want her to suffer one more day with having cancer. How that must have hurt her so much. All the pain, and the restless nights. She is in a much better place now, the physical gift of love in the real world is gone, but the memories will live on. I don't know what I'm trying to say but try to let my feelings out. I seen beautiful blue birds yesterday, and it's a sign of better days ahead. Life continues on with or without us, if we're ready or not, so I try to make the best of what I have. In a way as people say "live life to the fullest", because we are only here once, then we must move on to the next world. Where will our next journey be? That is yet to be determined not by us but our higher being.

As with many of you I'm sure, we had a difficult time getting through Valentine's Day. It's hard when you know that something is missing in your life, I guess to say that which makes us complete. The emptiness of not having your loved ones around in physical form is a true loss. I try my best to get what needs to be done, but when it comes down to it. I really haven't accomplished anything. For each of us we take a grieving road unique to only to ourselves, and yet we are lost as to where to find help. I do find solace in knowing that people care about each other, and try to offer their help to get through the pain. I hope that I too offer some little help to others. We have each other and now have a place to seek help when needed. Thanks for listening and thanks to the individuals who have offered this forum to help heal our pain.

Deb, I know that your pain is very real and unbearable. Most of us have heart strings attached to the greatest person in our life, and that is our mom! My mom passed on April 07. It will soon be one year, but it just seems like it happened only a few months ago. When I read these postings in the forum it makes me sad and I start to cry when it reminds me of my mom. I know that it will greatly help you if you continue to write out your emotions. Me, I just joined not long ago and have not expressed to much about myself. I find it difficult some days to write anything, but I do visit the site and read others advice on grieving. Do know that people do care about you and want the best for you.

MartyT Hope you can understand my reply. I must have been out of it yesterday. It makes sense to me, but don't know if it does to you? All, I was trying to say was that I agreed with you, when you said that minor surgery is never minor. That's how I feel when people from work are saying that it nothing to worry about, everything is going to be fine. Well gotta get going home for the day. Hope you had a good one, and thanks for the information I will do some research.

MartyT I totally agree with what you should have minor surgery nothing ever is minor. Even just a couple of weeks when I had to get a tooth pulled due to infection, that by no means was minor, when the dentist is tugging and pulling with all her might to get my tooth out. Man, my jaw was sure sore the next ten days. I'm just now able to open my mouth fully without having to smash my food down to in order to eat. I start my search with the information you provided, thanks. I know it's going to be hard though, just brings back to many emotions with my mom's surgery.