I hope this is the right place to post this message. I haven't posted here before but it's 3am here and I can't sleep so I thought I might as well give this a shot. I'm 18 years old and in my first year of university. My grandad died the day before I moved out to come to university. At the end of August he was diagnosed with lung cancer, which we soon discovered had spread to different parts of his body, and he was quickly moved to hospital and then to a hospice, where he remained for a day, before he died, 3 weeks after being diagnosed. The speed at which it all happened shocked me and my entire family...the shock seemed to get me through the first couple of weeks, particularly as I was building my new life in a new city, and enjoying the start of university. So it didn't really sink in I guess until after we buried his ashes. Then it hit me he was really gone. Recently I have been thinking about him a lot, and I have found myself just sitting and crying. I am having problems sleeping but I don't know if it's related...but I do find myself being afraid to go to sleep, and when I try and sleep I find myself remembering him, which makes me scared and sad. One of my flatmates suggested I talk to someone as I have been through a lot of changes these last couple of months, what with losing him, and coming to uni, but I don't really feel like it's important enough to burden anyone with (although here I am typing this!) Sometimes the pain scares me, and I just want it to go away. 2 other people in my family have died this year, and I have had trouble hanging on to my faith, although I still pray, sometimes just out of desperation and in need of someone to listen to me. It breaks my heart that he won't be here at Christmas, and that everything is so different...I think subconsciously I still can't believe he's gone, partly because I'm so far away from home anyway...I half-believe he's still in his house, just being there. If anyone has any thoughts or advice I'd be happy to receive them.
