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Nettan

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Everything posted by Nettan

  1. Drew thank you for your words and I'm sorry for Your loss! I'm trying my very best to take it one day at a time and to take care of myself. Somedays easier than others... babybrat07 your reply was very touching. I admire people who have faith in God and I wish I could too. Once upon a time I did believe now I'm not sure. My granny was a very strong believer so I want even more to believe now! On friday night I dreamt about my granny. She was dead in the dream but the phone rang I answered and it was her. Of course I don't remember the whole dream now but I told her I miss her and want to be with her and she said something like "oh no it's not your time yet" and I asked her how she was and she said "I'm ok". On saturday morning I woke up sooo happy and at peace after that dream because I (even though it sounds silly) took it as a sign that she is in heaven waiting for me! By the time evening came I had convinced myself otherwise and was all sad and upset again And last night i had terrible nightmares of her and her last days. How she suffered but even worse in the dream ...it was awful!!!! So today my whole day was ruined and i've been angry and cried and hurt all day... Thank you all for your support it really helps!
  2. Thank you Cindi, Shell & Rosanne and I’m so sorry for all your losses. Your words are all very soothing for me and yes you are right I have found much comfort on this board even before I managed to register. Just reading through and recognizing myself with many…. I am totally surprised at how many people are not at all by my side since the death of my granny. In the beginning people were calling, writing, sending flowers now it’s all quiet and I feel even more alone because of that. Not to mention angry. Me and my family (mum,dad and brothers) are not close so theres no support there either… Life feels even more lonely because of that. I’m scared of the future without granny….me all alone without family. I have my boyfriend but I mean a caring mum and dad. It’s just simply hard and sad to know that I don’t have anyone left whom I love so dearly… I hope I manage ok even though I'm alone in this... I am trying my best to take it one day at a time even though I’m the kind of person who wants it all to be over now. I’ve spent such a big part of my life depressed and angry I just want to feel happy again….patience is even more difficult because of that… I feel my feelings are like a rollercoaster one minute I feel a bit of happiness and the next so sad...then 5 minutes later a little happy and maybe the rest of the day sad....it's sooo unpredictable...worst is when the tears just come rushing down without warning at work. I that usually can control such things very well..
  3. Thank you for writing AnnieO and I'm so sorry for your loss of your parents! I long for the day when all the beautiful memories don't hurt this much. That seems a long way ahead and I guess it is too. Thanks for sharing about your daughter that gave me a bit of hope. So far I feel as though I am letting my granny down. I know she would not want me to be depressed, she would want me to live a happy life. That makes me feel even worse. I'm 25 and feel like I should be able to handle this more like an adult but on the inside I feel like a child who just wants to be hugged and comforted by her granny. I keep memories of her around me, little things like a book, her Bible, pictures of her...so far even those things just make me cry...should I put them away for a few years or keep them out ? Though looking at her pictures even makes me feel a lot of love ...at the moment love mixed with a lot of grief
  4. Thats so beautiful I say believe it too! I wish to God I could get a sign so you are really lucky
  5. Hello all! I have been trying to register here for a long time but just suceeded the other day. Anyhow..I don't know how to describe everything perfectly but I'll try. My granny suddenly got seriously ill on the 1:st of Jan 2008. On the 31 Dec she was just fine! Mum woke me up on New Years day with the call I've been dreading all my life. She was admitted the same day in the hospital and never came back. She held on till the 20:th of Jan and then she left us all. During this time we lost all contact with her with that I mean she couldn't speak or respond though I think she heard all we said. All this happened soooo suddenly!! She was so healthy and just woke up the next day completely gone!! She was the most energetic, lively 93 year old I've ever known! On friday we had her funeral. It was beautiful but so painful.. The thing is I'm not doing well with this at all. She was my everything from the time I was born untill now and I don't know how to live life without her! She was my soulmate! I don't feel like living! And it gets worse every day...am I healing wrong? When my brother called me and told me she had died at that moment I felt such peace and even happy that she was out of suffering because she suffered sooo much those last days but now I cant think like that I just miss her in a way thats driving me crazy!! Everyone says to be happy for all the years I have had with her but thats just about impossible right now when my heart is breaking and I miss her all the time.. Don't know what else to say....hope somebody will write to me....if you have any questions feel free to ask cause it' s hard for me to write about this so I understand if it's all a bit blurry... My main question is will I ever be able to love life again like I usually do? Can a person heal from loosing such an important person? I know you can heal loosing someone thats close but granny was MORE than close, we were one!! /Nettan
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