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Kim, Your sister in law sounds like a strong person and she has been taking every fight with no problem you just have to remember take care of yourself as your family struggles through this difficult time. If you feel it will be to much to handle to sit with her in the hospital don’t force yourself your sister in law will completely understand go when you feel your ready. I will keep you and your family in prayers. Please continue to keep us updated. Love, Marlene

Kay, I am so sorry you are having to deal with another problem in life and I know you might feel like it will never end, never go away but remember you are a very strong person and this is just another challenge in your life that you will jump through its obstacle it might not feel like it now but just what you have helped me with in the time I have known you these past 6 months I know you are strong and everyone else here knows that as well. Always know we are here with you in every challenge to back you up on whatever you decide. Best of luck to you and I will continue to keep you in my prayers for strength to get through this hard time. Love, Marlene

Jackie, I am sorry you are having a hard time you just have to remember you are strong and you just need to give yourself time life will eventually get easier for you and you have so many reasons to stay patient with yourself always think back to what you have been told one minute at a time. I have to remind myself that daily when the pain hits so hard I am 6 months into this ugly ride but honestly when I first got on I really did not believe I would make it this far but I did and though its not been easy I can say its got easier so just continue to stay on and always know you are not riding alone we are all sitting in the bumpy seats next to you. Take care of yourself today, tomorrow and always. Love, Marlene

Gail, Congratulations on your new grandson what a beautiful blessing. Brody will be your new strength and joy in life enjoy every moment of it. God Bless you and your family.

Kay, I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. Please stay strong for Virgie and for yourself just remember we are all here for the both of you. I will keep you both in my prayers. Love, Marlene

Kathy, That is such a wonderful idea for a group of people to help widows and single ladies with home repairs. God knows I sure can use help with so many things around my house and it seems like after Jack passed away everything started to go wrong. I am so clueless when it comes to maintenance around the house my only responsibility was to clean it I mean seriously the first time I ever changed a light bulb was after Jack passed away and when I did it without electrocuting myself I was so proud for an accomplishment I made such a big deal about lol. I love to do yard work but I can never get the lawnmower to start so I always end up going to my next door neighbors house and bother him to come start it for me but by the time I have to edge or blow off the driveway I don’t want to go and bother him again to come start those for me too so my yard is always halfway done with grass and leaves still in the driveway. I have a new project now which is to change my daughters crib into the toddler bed so I figured how difficult can this be right, so I pulled out the instructions and all the different screws I looked at the crib and then looked at Natalee and said to her maybe when you start kindergarten we will just buy you a new bed one that can be delivered and put together for us so until then just sleep here or with me lol. My husband was so good with his hands he loved to repair things he was always putting things together it was his passion and I was the opposite I just never had patience and of course now the patience is extremely low. I plan on putting my house up for sale at the end of the summer but the bathrooms need to be retiled and I don’t intend on hiring someone who will come in there look at me and think to them self oh she looks like a gullible person let me jack up the price a few more thousand so I have no idea what to do. That is one of the reasons I am selling my house I am just going to move to California and live with my parents and not have to deal with any of this anymore. I wish all of us widow’s luck with any challenges that come our way and strength to figure it out. If you find out anything more about the volunteer groups and their areas please keep us posted. Love, Marlene

Shhh65, I am so sorry to hear about your loss but I am glad you finally decided to post your feelings. I lost my husband 1 month prior to you loosing yours on November 22, 2007 Thanksgiving Day and like you I am new to this horrible journey but somehow everyday I am blessed with strength to get to the next day. I am told by so many that time will heal all wounds though I don’t believe mine will ever be healed I just hope in time the wound will be bearable to live with and I pray that for all of us here. Please take care of yourself and continue to come here as often as you need to we will always listen and help you even when you feel alone you will see here that you never are we all know exactly how you feel. Love, Marlene

Jackie, Sorry for the loss of your husband. Welcome to this wonderful group I am so sorry you had to join us but just know you came to the right place for support. I lost my husband 5 months ago he was only 33 and at that moment my world was turned upside down and I never believed I would be able to get through one day without him let alone 5 months but I am here to tell you that every new day starts whether we like it or not and somehow we all survive it even when we feel no strength to go on and once the shock wears off , the grief becomes a rollercoaster ride on minute you will be okay and then the next minute the pain is so overwhelming but always remember you will get through it just allow yourself to go through the grieving it will make you a stronger person. You’re going to experience all kinds of different pain from denial to anger but it’s all normal every feeling you have is normal even when you think it’s not just come here and you will always find someone that knows exactly what you are feeling. I too, wanted to turn to alcohol after my husband passed away though I was never a heavy drinker only a social drinker but after a couple of nights of drinking I realized it only made me worse off and I did not want my daughter to know me as the mom who always cried and was drunk besides that my husband hated it when I drank so I decided not to escape from my grief because it will always be there so I had to face it and got past the point of temptation to turn to alcohol. So please continue to fight your temptation for alcohol it will pass as well try to find something healthy to turn too. Take care of yourself and don’t try to do more than your body allows you too its okay if things don’t get done today there will always be tomorrow and remember we are all here for you we all understand your pain and we will help you through it. This place and all the wonderful people here have been my lifesaver. In time you will notice we are all family here none of us our judged on our feelings we all just love each other and are here to help one another through this journey of our life so welcome to our family. Love, Marlene

Kay, I am so sorry your friend is going through all this but she is very lucky to have you there to be her strength. I will definitely keep you all in my prayers. Please keep us updated and make sure you take good care of yourself. Love, Marlene

Teny, I hope you are feeling better just remember you have to take care of yourself no matter how hard and exhausting it may be. Take your antibiotics the entire time you are instructed by your doctor even if you feel better before. To answer your question if this gets easier I have been told it does but tomorrow will only be 5 months for me and it seems to get harder and harder every month but I have all my friends here that inspire me and show me motivation to continue to go on for tomorrow. Just keep clawing your way up and stay strong we are all here for you. Love, Marlene

Kayc, I think I read your post about 10 times already today and cried more and more each time. You have summed up everything we all lost the day we lost our loved one and to see how you are overcoming your journey through grief each day as a stronger person it really inspires me and I am sure everyone else here that one day we all will be able to build a new and different identity for ourselves we just need courage to fight our battlefield alone and eventually we all will be as strong as you have become. Thank you for your lovely words. Love, Marlene

Lyn, I know exactly what you mean even though its only been less than 5 months for me and to soon to focus on any kind of “drive” I think of my future and I feel all the goals I had in life involved Jack and the day he left I feel all my dreams left with him because it all seems so useless now. I know I had a drive before I met him but I can’t remember what I forgot all that the day I met him and now to try to focus on building a new goal in life without him just seems impossible. I feel my life is pretty much over now so I just try to focus on furthering my daughter’s goal and her future I really have no other desire for myself anymore just whatever accomplishment is best for her. Sorry to be no help but hopefully one day a door can open for all of us and we can all find strength to achieve our dreams. Love, Marlene

Wow how exciting that you all finally got to meet. I am jealous as well but I was thinking why doesn't everyone take a vacation and come to Florida in the summer LOL. Well I plan to be in California this time next year so if you guys continue to meet up then hopefully I will be able to join as well. I wish there was a widow/widower convention or something in that line where everyone can meet others that are/have experienced the same loss and to have motivating guest speakers that can give us all words of confidence. I would love to meet everyone on this site that has helped me so much the past 4 and half months and especially Mrs. Marty to thank her for introducing me to all my new friends here. Love you all Marlene

Teny, I am so sorry you’re having a difficult time just know that we are all here for you to help you through this. You are inspiration to me and to others who are new on this journey it has only been 4 months for me and to know that you have made it 17 months just gives me hope and as hard as it is right now and you might not feel it but you are a very strong person just keep pushing through the days and nights until happiness can one day find you again. We are here for you the entire month of April and as long as you need us. I am sending a lot of love your way. Love, Marlene

Kim, I am thinking of you today and keeping you in my prayers just remember that Dan is still with you no matter how far the distance is. Stay strong and we are all here for you with a lot of hugs and love today and everyday. Love, Marlene

Dusky, I was just on your website what a talented man you are all your words are so inspiring and uplifting and I cant wait to read your book. Congratulations on all your hard work and know that Jack is so proud of you just as we all are. Love, Marlene

Hey everyone, Thank you all for the wonderful advice and sorry it took so long to get back with all of you I don’t ever get on my computer at home so I had to wait to come back to work today to read and respond to all of you. So let me give you all an update of what happened and why well Friday after I called my bil and heard what he had to say from the reason why he should keep the car to even him insulting my marriage something he knows nothing about I spoke with my best friend Ula and she basically put it to me this way she said I can do this on my time and get the car back and live with the comfort of still having the car in my possession but I will have to deal with the headache from my in-laws including my bil and if I have time, patience and strength to fight with them which I don’t then to get it back and if I just let my bil keep it at first its going to hurt she used the analogy of pulling off a band-aid she said if you pull it off slowly it will hurt slowly and continuously but if you yank it off fast the pain is more painful but the shock of the pain will eventually ease up a little. Another point she made that stuck with me was even if my bil did bring the car back I would no longer look at the car as I once did as Jacks beauty I would look at the car and always have the image of my argument with his brother and after the conversation I had with him he basically ruined all my comfort in the car. That night I was all a mess weighing my options out as far as what do I do I was so depressed all I did was cry and think and cry so then I get a visitor at my door it was my priest and his mother they came over for some coffee and I confide a lot in my priest so I start to tell him the situation and what he said to me was what ultimately let me decide he said "Marlene what is gone is gone and there's nothing we can do to bring them back and everything Jack once loved here the treasure, the value and the meaning of it died with him and he left you with the most precious part of his love which is his daughter and nobody can ever take that away from you" he was so right so I decided to be the bigger person I called my bil and of course he did not answer I left him a message to just keep the car it was not worth fighting over and hopefully there is no hard feelings I told him to give me a call back which I never heard back from him but I did my part. As for my in-laws there were short with me but I am not going to allow them or anyone else to bring me down and make me a bitter person I will always respect all of them for the fact that they are still my husbands family. I will say the experience with my bil and the car did teach me a lessen which is no matter how much I hold on to something nothing will bring Jack back to me and even though I have an empty spot in my garage now, I will never have an empty spot in my heart because he filled it with so much love for his daughter and me which is something that nobody can ever take away. I also learned that its okay to let go of “things” sometimes because the “things” are not want makes us happy it’s the person that once touched the “things” that made us happy and that can never be brought back or replaced and just because we let go of “things” we are not letting that person go they will always and forever be in our hearts. I want to thank you all again so much for all your wonderful words that always help me so much I am so blessed to have such amazing friends here. I know I can always come here for all of my problems and I hope that I can help all of you one day the way you have helped me. I love you all. Love, Marlene

Suzanne, Corrine & Kayc, You all are so wonderful and are so right on my own time and they rushed me I dont have control of Jack being gone but I do have control of when its time for some of his things to go and I know only 4 months into this the car especially the car it is to soon for me to let go. I am going to call my brother in law and explain it to him that I just need more time it is to soon for me and hopefully he will think with his heart and agree to give it back. If not it looks like I have friends here willing to take a vacation to Florida lol. Seriously, I hope it does not get that ugly because if it does I think that would hurt more than taking the car away just the fact that he can not be sympothetic. I love you guys and thank you so much for making me smile today. Okay I just called my bil what a A**HOLE he agreed to bring the car back but argued the whole time with for about 15 minutes saying I need to move on and I am holding on to it for the wrong reasons and he has nothing left of his brother I have his house, his clothes all of his stuff and he is left with nothing of his and that car means so much to him because they use to work on it together on the weekends and if it was not for him Jack would have never got the car. He said "you have only been with Jack for 5 years I have been with him all of my life" he said you are never going to let it go if you dont now and you lost your husband but I lost my brother you still have brothers and you will move on with your life my brother can never be replaced. He agreed to bring the car back but said he is going to be pissed off so I told him no just keep it then I dont want you to be pissed he then said no if your not going to understand my point then I will bring it to you it wont be today but I will bring it. I mean I understand his point then he said I was selfish and kept saying I, I, I like I am the only one going through this and know one else is dealing with the loss. I am so pissed off right now and of course this is going to get back to my in laws.

Hey Corrine, Thank you for your reply yes the car is in Jack's name only and now I have it listed in the estate to be put in my name but I think his brother took it because I told him he can have it but that was a couple of weeks after Jack passed away and I have agreed with them since the beginning we need to keep it in the family but when I told him he can have it I did not mean only after 4 months I was thinking somewhere down the future when I was ready to let go of it. You are exactly right I have every right to that car by law but unfortunately I don’t want it to go that far because I am only planning on being in Jacksonville until November but I wanted to keep the car until then and I am sure if I ask my bil for it he might give it back but I don’t know if he will I did not think he would take it after he saw my emotional break down last night but he did and said its hard for him too because he has to drive it. I just want him to bring it back but I don’t want him to think I want it to "sell” I just want it back for the emotional purpose right now. I mean do you hold on to something because it was there before or do you let go of something because its not there anymore. I am sorry to you as well and you are right death can bring out the worst side of people and all they care about are the materialistic stuff not the emotional pain of loosing that special person and that can never be replaced. Love, Marlene

Hello everybody, What coincidence I was just about to start a topic about letting go of meaningful belongings but then decided to see when the last time this subject was brought up and noticed just yesterday which is perfect timing. I am having the worst time of my life again I feel back at day one when I lost Jack let me just start from the beginning. So Jack has this mustang I mean that was the love of his life of course it was his family first but the mustang is there in the same category. He did not drive it on a daily basis he said it was going to be a collector car one day because the engine in it was the last made for that model, something like that I don’t know much about cars. Jack would only crank it up from time to time to drive it in the neighborhood he did not want to put miles on it he washed it, waxed it and cleaned it often. It was and always will be his baby. When Jack and I first started dating I begged him to let me drive the mustang he agreed and I wanted to drive it to the beach which was about 15 miles away he was so nervous he couldn't wait to get to the beach he was so paranoid with me driving, the whole time I remember hearing slow down, turn the music down, both hands on the steering wheel. Well I use to bring up that night often to him after we got married and I would beg him to let me drive the mustang and he would say no I would say to him you let me drive it when were dating why wont you let me drive it now when we are married he said when we were dating I was crazy in love for you and would do anything for you now we are married I would do anything for you but I have you and you wont go anywhere if I say no. Well now that I have brought you up to speed on how much this car was a huge part of our life or should I say his life I did not care to much for it if we ever had to get rid of it I would of got over it I mean it was loud, heavy and hard to drive but jack would probably had to get on depression pills if that ever happened. It was a part of him before I met him so it only meant so much to me because he loved it so much and everyone that knew Jack knew he loved his car his friends wanted to drive the mustang behind him at the funeral line but they thought it would have been extra emotional for everybody that knew Jack and the mustang. Well the subject came up a few weeks after Jack passed away about the car his brother and dad told me they are going to keep it in the "family" I told them of course we will never get rid of the mustang I even told his brother he can have it to take care of. So this past Sunday my brother in law asked me if it was okay one night this week if he came over to crank up the car and drive it around I agreed and told him that is fine I have not done it in a couple of months so it was time. Well last night I was at my in-laws and my bil (brother-in-law) told me he was coming over to crank up the car so I met him at my house and my father in law came too which should have been the red flag why would it take 2 people to come over and crank a car I just assumed my father in law would follow my bil around the neighborhood because there is no insurance on it (I cancelled it after Jack passed away). My bil starts to clean the car out and starts to say how a friend of his works on mustangs and they are going to do this and that to the car so on and so on. I asked my bil what time he was bringing it back he said to me “what do you mean what time I said to him I am going to give Natalee a bath so I don't want you to come back and the garage be closed he said” Marlene I am keeping it” I told him “for how long” he said “forever” I said to him I am not ready to let it go forever it has only been 4 months I told him I have seen that car for the past 5 years in the garage and to pull up and see an empty spot in the garage I am not ready and I was in tears. All he said to me was “Jack would want me to take care of it for him and we are going to keep it in the family”. What does that mean I still am family right, I could not say this to him but this is what I am thinking. My bil and father in law do not understand what they just did to me its not just a car I really hate the car but I love it because it was part of Jack I am not ready to let go of it, letting go of it is like I am letting go of Jack and I am not ready for that. I see the car very often every day in the garage, for me my garage is my get away place my peaceful spot and now to go in my garage is just a constant reminder Jack is not coming home and them taking the car away from me is just to final for me now and I cant handle it I have been non stop w/tears since that car pulled away from my driveway. I mean honestly I don’t know if I will ever be ready to get rid of his stuff I just thought when I move to my parents in California I will have my emotional break down at once getting rid of the house, the car and packing up 5 years of memories but I know when I let go at that time it wont be a daily reminder that it was once there and now its gone. Its hard to explain and I hope everyone is understanding what I am trying to say another way I can explain it is I feel like taking that car away from me, from the garage is like me packing up all of Jacks clothes in the closet that we share, I go in there now and his clothes are still on his side of the closet but if the clothes were gone and the side is empty I feel it will hurt more because then its for real that he will never come home and I know he is not but I just cant accept it like that right now I mean some days I am past the denial stage but some days I feel he will be back. I have not moved anything since Jack has passed away everything is still in the same spot as he left it I believe because if I move anything then its going to be to final and like I said I am not ready for that and with the mustang I was forced into it and now I don’t know if I should take it as a good thing as a step forward but it really feels like a step backward and I want the car back. What should I do please help me? Should I get it back or just let it go? Now with the car being gone the knife that is stabbed in my heart has been twisted and turned and every time I think of the empty spot I feel the knife is getting stabbed deeper and deeper. Where do I park my car now when I pull into the garage in the same spot I have been for 5 years or in the middle? I just need all the help I can get today please. I am sorry this is so long I just feel so very emotional today and I don’t know how to stop crying. Love, Marlene

Kayc, Well I went to say bye to my best friend last night and honestly I thought it was going to be a lot harder but we told each other we are going to say bye real quick a hug and I love you but no tears and we did just that. The tears started when she looked at my 2 year old daughter and said “you take care of your mom you are all she has left now” it really hit home because it is so true she is all I have left. As hard as it is going to be to not have Ula in my daily life for the next few months it gives me something to look forward to in the near future which is her coming back in 4 months. Well Kayc, we are going to try to plan a trip to meet in California in June or July her husband has training there and I am going to visit my parents so we are going to try to set it up to where we are there together. Thank you so much for your respond and I am sorry for everything you have lost as well the past few years we still have to be grateful for the things we have our health, the roof over our heads and the people in our lives. I am very thankful for this website I don’t even want to imagine where I would be if I did not have everyone here. Thank you Love, Marlene

Suzanne, Thank you so much for the support it’s going to be so hard tonight and every night and weekend I know for sure I will be here crying a lot more. My best friend Ula is always the one I call when I have lonely nights and weekends to come around and keep me company I can always count on her to be there for my daughter and I. Life has always been hard but I was always able to control it now that everything is not in my hands and out of my control I feel life is spinning around me in circles and I am trying to grab a grip on it I just don't know how anymore. I know if Jack was here it would be hard to loose my friend my right arm but he would be able to still make me smile now loosing both my arms I feel there is nothing left in this world to smile about. Thank you again Suzanne I hope we all can eventually get a grip of life again. Love, Marlene

My best friend just found out about 15 minutes ago she will be leaving tomorrow morning to go to Alaska her husband is stationed there she will be gone until August. I have known her since I was 2 years old and we have been best friends since, she has always been there for me through every obstacle in my life. Her husband left for Alaska on November 5, 2007 and then my husband passed away on November 22, 2007 and after that her husband found out he was getting deployed to Iraq he thought it would be within weeks so he rushed her out to Alaska so she left on December 18, 2007. We always knew she would have to leave to Alaska when her husband got stationed there and I asked Jack what am I supposed to do when she leaves my husband said "don’t worry you will still have me" which made me a little reassured. Shortly after that he left the world then my best friend left to Alaska and then when my mom went back home to California I was left alone. I use to cry so much to my best friend she decided to come back until they were placed into permanent housing so she came back on January 24 and now their housing is available and the military just informed her she will be leaving tomorrow morning with no further notice less than 24 hours. My husband was always my left arm and my best friend was my right arm and now I have lost both of them. I feel so lonely in this world it seems like everybody close to me always leave first my parents left me when they moved to California then my husband and now my best friend. I really don’t know how much more I can take of this. I know this is so selfish of me to feel this way because my best friend is going through so much she is going to be with her husband but only until August then he will be deployed to Iraq and they have 2 beautiful children together and I know she is so scared. For now she is so happy about going to see her husband and I can’t blame her I wish I can go see my husband too and I really want to be happy for her but I don’t know how. I am just so tired it seems every time I get somewhat adjusted to the way my life is something changes and I don’t deal well with change. I just wish things can be the way they used to be when I had my husband and my best friend life was so perfect then. Tonight I have to go and say bye to her I just am not ready too. Marlene

Tori, I am sorry for the loss of your husband and your sister in law. Your brother in law is very lucky to have you there for him as he faces this tragic time in his life. Good job on the strength you have gained as a person you give hope to others such as myself that are new in this. Thank you. Love, Marlene

"Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions as if they were books written in a foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them, and the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday you will gradually, without ever noticing it, live your way into the answer." WOW that is so beautiful and so true we spend so much time and effort looking for answers to questions rather than just accepting our destiny and being patient and like the quote says we might eventually live our way into the answer. What a wonderful way to look at the perspective of life. Thank you Bob you are such an amazing person. Love, Marlene