tootie

Music has been a tremendous healer for me. My mom loved music & was singing all the time, no matter if happy or sad. There was always a tune in her heart. I try still to this day to share music with my children, from Grandma & let that help heal all of us together. My sisters & I also sing together a lot. I also do exactly as this article has implied, which put a smile on my face. ie.. sing with it, feel it, make it put me in a special place & time, OR( here comes the smile) YELL at it. Thank you, Tootie

Lori, I have sent your mom a very happy birthday wish, I have also sent a balloon up to heaven for her. Her balloon had a warm wish note attached to it, I am sure it will put a smile on her face, as it sure did mine. Hugs, Tootie

Thanks to all of you for your warm thoughts & wishes, they are appreciated very much. I however can not be the sole one to thank here, as it was my mom who truely taught me to be so giving & thoughtful of others. I just as Shell, look to my moms thoughts & feelings when I get down. I often times have felt like giving up & not celabrating the holidays, because mom was my holiday. But.............mom some how kicks me in the tail & says TOOTIE ANN that is selfish & you can not do that!!! SO go give to others what I have shared with you. Thank you all again, I know mom is smiling at us all right now. Love & hugs, Tootie

It is the holiday season once again, & as this season comes each year my main thoughts are of my mom. When I think of how much I miss her & how I've made it through almost 5 years now, I think of all of you here. I stop by here often to read what you all have to share & my heart goes out to each & every one of you. Since it is the season of giving, I would like to take this time just to give aech & every one of you a BIG WARM HUG, & let you know you will all be in my heartfelt thoughts this holiday season. I know this is not much to give, but I know that all of the warm thoughts & hugs I have gotten for here over the past years have really helped. Happy Holidays to all, Love, Tootie

I know all to well what you are all going through, & my deepest sympathies go out to all of you. Especially at this time of year. I lost my mom on March 30, 2003, & my dad on Nov. 21,2004. I now am nobodys child. I have been fighting depression since I admitted my mom to the hospital 3 days before she passed away. I have been going through some very trying times these past few months, & really needed mom to make it all better, as she always could. Just know that you are never alone, & the people here on this forum are the most wonderful, caring people you can find. I wish you the best, Tootie

Charlie 1, The loss of a loved one is an emotional rollercoaster. All we can do is take one day at a time, & always try to look at the positive. For instance, when I miss my mom so much that all I can do all day is cry, I look at my children & see her in them. That makes me feel better. I wish you all the luck. I know it is not an easy ride to take, but you are strong. Tootie

thank you all so much for all your help. the part that hit the nail on the head best for me was.....Do not expect me to get over my grief in 6 months. I will forever be going through it for the rest of my life. I will NEVER be the same person I was. Once again thank you ALL!!!! Tootie

Quiltcat, I do not know how you move on with something like this, but I just want you to know you are not alone at feeling this way. I am the baby of 9 & I was daddy's girl. So when he begged my family & I to move in with him after mom passed away, I did not think twice about it, & packed up & moved in. He was ill too, so he needed lots of care, but my family & I never batted an eye to care for him, & give him everything he needed & wanted. Then after being there a few months he turned into the ugliest man I have ever seen in my life. He would beat me & my kids & say things that I NEVER thought he would about us. He finally kicked us out & made us live in our van for about a month, till we moved in with my sister for 6 months till we found a place to live. I have never been so confused in my life. He told me he hated me & he was glad I was homeless, & he never wanted to see me again. Well I granted his wishes, & he passed away about 8 months after I left. I feel quilty because I did not go back to see him, yet I have such feelings of hate for him, because of what he did to me & my kids. They were only 8 & 12 at the time. They do not remember the good times with Grandpa, they remember what a bastard he was. So I know what you feel about the mixed emotions, & I wish I could tell you it will all be over soon, but all I can say right now, is that you are not alone, so keep on talking her about how you feel & what is going on. They here have all helped me so very much & I am sure they will help you too. Tootie

Dear Kim, I am so very glad you have found this site. I honestly do not know how I would have gotten through the passing of my mom without it. I have even met a woman that I can call a true friend on here, we email back & forth all the time, to help each other get through the rough spots. NORMAL......well Kim, it has been 3 1/2 years since my mom has passed away, & I still have no clue as to what normal is any more. I have days even weeks that I can not move or function at all, because everything I do reminds me of mom. But I know that she is here with me in spirit, & I know that she needs me to go on & take care of her grandchildren. So Kim, please take your time with all of your greiving, & do not let what others think or say interfear with that. If you ever need a shoulder to lean on please feel free to drop me a line, I will be happy to chat with you a while. It may sound funny to hear, but Faith (the friend I met here) & I have become personal confidons, & it really helps just to talk with someone who is in your shoes. I wish you all the best. Tootie

Ten years ago my best friend lost her mom to cancer. It was & is still very hard for her to deal with. She was only 17 at the time, & the baby of the family. Now she just found out that her sister-in-law is dieing of cancer & it has brought back all those horrid memories of her mom's passing. She is so beside herself all she does is cry. On top of just finding all this out, she is about 5-6 hundred miles away from them. So it is not like she can just drop everything & go be with her for the day. I want to do my best to do all I can for her, but I am at a loss. I have told her I am here for her when ever she needs to talk, day or night. But I just do not feel that I am doing enough. If any of you have any suggestions, please let me know. Thank you, Tootie

Ann B, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. There is not much to say to a person at this time to ,ake them feel better, but I would like to tell you that you have made one large step to healing by comming here & posting. Everyone here has helped me greatly, & one thing I have learned over the past 3 years, is to take one day at a time. Some days will be better than the rest, yet the pain will still be heavy on our hearts. Best wishes, Tootie

Mary Beth, I just want you to know that I too took care of my mom for the last 12 years of her life. I did not live with her, but only 4 miles away & was with her every day. I am only 36 now, & Thursday the 30th of March 2006, will be the 3 year anniversary of her death. I miss her more than anyone could ever know & my family don't seem to understand either. I wish that I was with her wherever she is now, but then I think about my children & where they would be at 16, & 12 without me, & I know I can not go to be with her yet. I know now that mom does not have to suffer any more & she is no longer in all that pain, & that makes me feel a little better. Stay strong & know that your mom is always there with you no matter where you are or what you do. Tootie

Awe MaryFran, I am so so sorry for your loss. I too have lost both of my parents. It is hard to go on with every day tasks, yet I too live for my children. Never say you are nobody's child. You are still & always will be their child. They may not be here for you to talk with, hug & hold, but they are with you & always will be. I wish you all the best, Tootie

Shell, I too have had many of these type of dreams in the past 3 years. I like you believe that they are my moms way of letting me know she is with me & I am not ever alone. As strange as that may seem. My only advise to you would be never be afraid of having a dream of your mom, & never be scared to talk to her. Don't worry what others may thing or say. Talking to her will help you let out your anger, pain, & frustrations. It will also let you pronounce your love for her too. I hope you have a good night sleep tonight & many nights to come. Sleep tight & sweet dreams, Tootie

Kelly, First off I would like to tell you how sorry I am to hear you have lost your parents at such a young age. That in it's self is a very hard thing to go through. Second, honey I would love to tell you how brave & wonderful you are for trying to raise your 15 year old sister. OMG I have a 16 year old daughter & it is tough being the mom, let alone being the big sis & sitting in as mom. Many many big hugs for that one. As far as having troubles & being "messed up" well honey I guess those cousins of yours need to walk a day in your shoes before they can judge. Hell I am 36 & Thursday it will be 3 years since I have lost my mom, & amost 2 since I lost my dad, I am one of the most messed up people there are. lol If I may I would suggest a counselor, a professional one. I think that it may help you to go to one 1st & let some of your pain & anger out & then have your sister go to some alone too, & then maybe together. I wish you all the best, & I commend you for being such a wonderful sister. Wonderful enough to take in your little sister & be will ing to go through all of this, so she has family that loves her. Hang in there Kelly, I know it is so very tough now, but rest assured it will get better. Tootie