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tootie

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Everything posted by tootie

  1. Music has been a tremendous healer for me. My mom loved music & was singing all the time, no matter if happy or sad. There was always a tune in her heart. I try still to this day to share music with my children, from Grandma & let that help heal all of us together. My sisters & I also sing together a lot. I also do exactly as this article has implied, which put a smile on my face. ie.. sing with it, feel it, make it put me in a special place & time, OR( here comes the smile) YELL at it. Thank you, Tootie
  2. Lori, I have sent your mom a very happy birthday wish, I have also sent a balloon up to heaven for her. Her balloon had a warm wish note attached to it, I am sure it will put a smile on her face, as it sure did mine. Hugs, Tootie
  3. Thanks to all of you for your warm thoughts & wishes, they are appreciated very much. I however can not be the sole one to thank here, as it was my mom who truely taught me to be so giving & thoughtful of others. I just as Shell, look to my moms thoughts & feelings when I get down. I often times have felt like giving up & not celabrating the holidays, because mom was my holiday. But.............mom some how kicks me in the tail & says TOOTIE ANN that is selfish & you can not do that!!! SO go give to others what I have shared with you. Thank you all again, I know mom is smiling at us all right now. Love & hugs, Tootie
  4. It is the holiday season once again, & as this season comes each year my main thoughts are of my mom. When I think of how much I miss her & how I've made it through almost 5 years now, I think of all of you here. I stop by here often to read what you all have to share & my heart goes out to each & every one of you. Since it is the season of giving, I would like to take this time just to give aech & every one of you a BIG WARM HUG, & let you know you will all be in my heartfelt thoughts this holiday season. I know this is not much to give, but I know that all of the warm thoughts & hugs I have gotten for here over the past years have really helped. Happy Holidays to all, Love, Tootie
  5. I know all to well what you are all going through, & my deepest sympathies go out to all of you. Especially at this time of year. I lost my mom on March 30, 2003, & my dad on Nov. 21,2004. I now am nobodys child. I have been fighting depression since I admitted my mom to the hospital 3 days before she passed away. I have been going through some very trying times these past few months, & really needed mom to make it all better, as she always could. Just know that you are never alone, & the people here on this forum are the most wonderful, caring people you can find. I wish you the best, Tootie
  6. Charlie 1, The loss of a loved one is an emotional rollercoaster. All we can do is take one day at a time, & always try to look at the positive. For instance, when I miss my mom so much that all I can do all day is cry, I look at my children & see her in them. That makes me feel better. I wish you all the luck. I know it is not an easy ride to take, but you are strong. Tootie
  7. thank you all so much for all your help. the part that hit the nail on the head best for me was.....Do not expect me to get over my grief in 6 months. I will forever be going through it for the rest of my life. I will NEVER be the same person I was. Once again thank you ALL!!!! Tootie
  8. Quiltcat, I do not know how you move on with something like this, but I just want you to know you are not alone at feeling this way. I am the baby of 9 & I was daddy's girl. So when he begged my family & I to move in with him after mom passed away, I did not think twice about it, & packed up & moved in. He was ill too, so he needed lots of care, but my family & I never batted an eye to care for him, & give him everything he needed & wanted. Then after being there a few months he turned into the ugliest man I have ever seen in my life. He would beat me & my kids & say things that I NEVER thought he would about us. He finally kicked us out & made us live in our van for about a month, till we moved in with my sister for 6 months till we found a place to live. I have never been so confused in my life. He told me he hated me & he was glad I was homeless, & he never wanted to see me again. Well I granted his wishes, & he passed away about 8 months after I left. I feel quilty because I did not go back to see him, yet I have such feelings of hate for him, because of what he did to me & my kids. They were only 8 & 12 at the time. They do not remember the good times with Grandpa, they remember what a bastard he was. So I know what you feel about the mixed emotions, & I wish I could tell you it will all be over soon, but all I can say right now, is that you are not alone, so keep on talking her about how you feel & what is going on. They here have all helped me so very much & I am sure they will help you too. Tootie
  9. Dear Kim, I am so very glad you have found this site. I honestly do not know how I would have gotten through the passing of my mom without it. I have even met a woman that I can call a true friend on here, we email back & forth all the time, to help each other get through the rough spots. NORMAL......well Kim, it has been 3 1/2 years since my mom has passed away, & I still have no clue as to what normal is any more. I have days even weeks that I can not move or function at all, because everything I do reminds me of mom. But I know that she is here with me in spirit, & I know that she needs me to go on & take care of her grandchildren. So Kim, please take your time with all of your greiving, & do not let what others think or say interfear with that. If you ever need a shoulder to lean on please feel free to drop me a line, I will be happy to chat with you a while. It may sound funny to hear, but Faith (the friend I met here) & I have become personal confidons, & it really helps just to talk with someone who is in your shoes. I wish you all the best. Tootie
  10. Ten years ago my best friend lost her mom to cancer. It was & is still very hard for her to deal with. She was only 17 at the time, & the baby of the family. Now she just found out that her sister-in-law is dieing of cancer & it has brought back all those horrid memories of her mom's passing. She is so beside herself all she does is cry. On top of just finding all this out, she is about 5-6 hundred miles away from them. So it is not like she can just drop everything & go be with her for the day. I want to do my best to do all I can for her, but I am at a loss. I have told her I am here for her when ever she needs to talk, day or night. But I just do not feel that I am doing enough. If any of you have any suggestions, please let me know. Thank you, Tootie
  11. Ann B, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. There is not much to say to a person at this time to ,ake them feel better, but I would like to tell you that you have made one large step to healing by comming here & posting. Everyone here has helped me greatly, & one thing I have learned over the past 3 years, is to take one day at a time. Some days will be better than the rest, yet the pain will still be heavy on our hearts. Best wishes, Tootie
  12. Mary Beth, I just want you to know that I too took care of my mom for the last 12 years of her life. I did not live with her, but only 4 miles away & was with her every day. I am only 36 now, & Thursday the 30th of March 2006, will be the 3 year anniversary of her death. I miss her more than anyone could ever know & my family don't seem to understand either. I wish that I was with her wherever she is now, but then I think about my children & where they would be at 16, & 12 without me, & I know I can not go to be with her yet. I know now that mom does not have to suffer any more & she is no longer in all that pain, & that makes me feel a little better. Stay strong & know that your mom is always there with you no matter where you are or what you do. Tootie
  13. Awe MaryFran, I am so so sorry for your loss. I too have lost both of my parents. It is hard to go on with every day tasks, yet I too live for my children. Never say you are nobody's child. You are still & always will be their child. They may not be here for you to talk with, hug & hold, but they are with you & always will be. I wish you all the best, Tootie
  14. Shell, I too have had many of these type of dreams in the past 3 years. I like you believe that they are my moms way of letting me know she is with me & I am not ever alone. As strange as that may seem. My only advise to you would be never be afraid of having a dream of your mom, & never be scared to talk to her. Don't worry what others may thing or say. Talking to her will help you let out your anger, pain, & frustrations. It will also let you pronounce your love for her too. I hope you have a good night sleep tonight & many nights to come. Sleep tight & sweet dreams, Tootie
  15. Kelly, First off I would like to tell you how sorry I am to hear you have lost your parents at such a young age. That in it's self is a very hard thing to go through. Second, honey I would love to tell you how brave & wonderful you are for trying to raise your 15 year old sister. OMG I have a 16 year old daughter & it is tough being the mom, let alone being the big sis & sitting in as mom. Many many big hugs for that one. As far as having troubles & being "messed up" well honey I guess those cousins of yours need to walk a day in your shoes before they can judge. Hell I am 36 & Thursday it will be 3 years since I have lost my mom, & amost 2 since I lost my dad, I am one of the most messed up people there are. lol If I may I would suggest a counselor, a professional one. I think that it may help you to go to one 1st & let some of your pain & anger out & then have your sister go to some alone too, & then maybe together. I wish you all the best, & I commend you for being such a wonderful sister. Wonderful enough to take in your little sister & be will ing to go through all of this, so she has family that loves her. Hang in there Kelly, I know it is so very tough now, but rest assured it will get better. Tootie
  16. Funny how I come here to make myself feel better about the loss of my mom, & yet all I can do when I read all of your words that hit so close to home & hear that so many of us are going through the same emotions & motions is cry. Still in some strange way all of you make me feel better & I thank you ever so much for that. I am 36 now & it has been almost 3 years, since mom passed away, but still to this day when I am home all alone & missing her so much I stand up & scream to the top of my lungs WHY HER? WHY DID SHE HAVE TO LEAVE ME? I NEED MY MOMMY!!! I MISS MY MOM!!!! I feel so helpless & eventhough we all know everyone has to go sometime, it is so hard to have mommy gone. Mom was our (me, my kids,& my hubbys) life. We only lived 4 miles from her but I was with her EVERY day. To have to continue every day after her passing with out her has been the hardest journey of my life. Maylissa.................I do not know why you said that your mom did not love you unconditionally, but I am so sure she did. Some people have a strange way of showing love, but I can tell by your words that she loved you & misses you as much as you loved her & miss her. Paul S...................I did have this loss in the spring & no matter when it happens it hurts just as much for all of us. We find the strneght in their love to keep on going & do what we know we have to do. My mom passed just before her favorite holiday & also her BD. It is hard but so far I have made it through. I will share something that may bring a little smile to a few faces............when you all say you feel like a 6 year old again & just want your mommies............well there I sat only a week & a half or so after my mom passed away ......Easter was only a few days away & I with 2 children had to color eggs............I could not do it.....I had asked my sister if she would come from 150 miles away to color them with my kids for me.......she said "TOOTIE ANN, you are 33 years old you need to do this for your kids" I cried right out loud............I can't lol well at that time I did not think I could......my sister said "why" I cried.....cuz I am 33 & I have never colored eggs without my mommy I need her help, I don't know how to do it all alone. My sister then cried with me & said "oh Tootie you can do it mom will be there to help. The next day my sister & about 6 other family members came to my house & helped us color eggs. To sit back & think now that I was 33 & did not know how to color eggs is funny now, but at the time it was not so funny. Tootie
  17. Maylissa, I am so so sorry. OMG reading your words has brought so many bad memories back to me all I can do is sit here & cry for you. I do not know why people especially our own family members have to be this way, but I do know that what goes around will come back around to them. My heart goes out to you & I will keep up hope that one day soon you will be able to have this closure. Just remember this..............nothing we can ever do will make our moms come back to us, but they are with us every step we take. I can tell by the words you have spoken that you are a remarkable person, & your mom has made you that way. She is not only with you, but also she is in a sense you. She has made you strong & she will help you through. Tootie
  18. Funnyface, Thank you for your kind words. They mean much more to me than you will evr know. The worst part for me now, besides missing mom, is that I am the baby of 9 & yet I am still so all alone here. Noone talks, noone gets together at all, you would not even know now a days that I even have 5 brothers & 3 sisters. It is sad. Very sad. I am lucky to have a wonderful husband & 2 very special children, they keep me alive & wanting to go on. In the beginning all of this was so much for me I just wished every day that I could die too, so I could go be with my mom. I now know & understand that will not help anything & I need to be here for my children, & hubby too. They are my reasons to live & go on with life. I still cry evry day because I miss mom so much, but I know she is still here in mt heart & soul & always will be. Best wishes to you & I hope that you find ways to get through all of this with as little suffering & pain as possible. Thank you again, Tootie
  19. Wow, I know this may sound funny or even strange to all of you, but you all have talked about going to your parents graves for their BD's & the 1st thing I think is ........how lucky you all are. My mom passed away almost 3 years ago now, & I have yet to be able to go to her grave for her BD. No not because it is too hard for me to do, but because when she passed my aweful brother took her ashes & horded them to himself. My mom passed away on March 30th of 2003, & my dad died on Nov. 21st of 2004. With this all....my brother had the ashes & never would burry them. Well last Dec. my wishes finally came true. My parents were finally put to rest in a proper way. So I get to go to my mom's grave & share her BD with her next month. In a few short days I will mourn her 3rd year of passing, & then a few days later April 12th I will go to her grave & let balloons go for her BD. I live in MN & winters here are VERY cold, but I have been to see my mom often & I am so glad now that she has a final resting place. Those little things that some take for granted others only wish they could have. My thoughts & wishes go out to each & every one of you who are going through the sorrow of loss. I think of you all every day, & I thank you all for being here. Eventhough you have no idea you are helping others by sharing your grief, I would like to let you all know how much you have helped me over that past 3 years. With out all of you, I do not know where I would be. THANK YOU ALL, Tootie P.S. this year my family & I will be letting ballons go for mom at her grave & they will have family pics, & saying from the past year. Pics of the things we have done this year that she did not get to see here on earth. Then we will be sure to listen to some of her favorite music & have BD cake for her. We will cellabrate what a wonderful woman she is & how much we love her.
  20. Pandorasbox, I am so so sorry for your loss. I have only this to add..........I am glad that your children were able to remember your dad as the wonderful man he was & all of the kindness he showed them. Three years ago now I lost my mom, her & my dad were my sons best friends. He was only 8 at the time, & did not really understand why she had to go. But at least he still had grandpa..........he thought.......well the pain was so hard for my dad to bear that he turned all of his pain into major anger. He beat my son, myself & my daughter...we had moved in with him per his begging after mom passed away, & now that my dad had lost his mind & was ao angry & mean we had no place to go. My husband was woking out of town & we did not have any money saved up, we lived paycheck to paycheck, so we had to live in our car for about 6 months before we found a home to live in. A year ago my dad died & I was filled with a tremendous relief. I know this sounds cold, but what he had done to me & my family was so wrong. I know he was hurting, but so were we & with all his beatings & name calling & abuse I was finally glad it was over. My son now is filled with so much anger & pain, I can not controll him. I sit alone at night & cry, because I no longer know what to do, or how to handle it. I hope that you can get over the numbness, & carry on, I know it is hard, but I wish you all the best!!! Tootie
  21. Oh man do I know what you are all going through. 1st off let me tell you how sorry I am for all of your losses & pain. I lost my mom almost 3 years ago now, & my dad a year & a half ago. The family shattered when mom passed away, I (the baby of 9) am so all alone. I have one sister & one brother that talk to me, & one brother that thinks he is the king of everything & will not even let any of the rest of us into the house. Noone knows what is happening with the farm, & or anything there. Both my parents were creamated, & it was only a couple months ago that they were burried. That in it's self was so wonderful to me. I now have a place to go see mom & feel free to talk to her. My son who is now 12, has taken this all so hard, & he is having bad bad troubles in school now & I feel so bad. I have had him talk to a councelor, but to no avail. When things get so bad here that I feel I can not go on, I come to this site & talk to all of you. It is so nice to have you all here. ty for that. I too feel as if my life has no meaning any more, & I do not even get dresses unless I have to. My home is a mess & my life is even a bigger mess. How do I muster up the strength to get a new start, & where do I begin????????????? ty all again Tootie
  22. Walter, Thank you so much for your suggestion, although I fear it will never work here. You see my brother is a complete ass & noone can get through to him. I do not believe it is the fact that he wants them close, I believe it is a major power trip for him. He has them & everything else & don't want to share & as long as he procrastonates, he does not have to. Also as long as I am the only child that is persuing the whole matter he will not cave. So sorry to hear of your loss, my best to you & yours. I know how hard it is to lose someone you care so much for.
  23. My mom passed away 2 & 1/2 years ago, & my dad almost a year ago. When mom did she was creamated & one of my brothers soon took over. He took her ashes to his home & she was to be burried with my dad when he went, per my dad's wishes. Now almost a year after his death, my brother will not have services for them. There are 9 in my family, 2 have not been around for years, but the rest of us were a very close family till mom passed. There are 2 of us girls that have talked very often about all of this, but noone else will come with us to talk to our brother. We have talked to him to no avail. I have no clue as to what to do any more. All I want is to be able to go & visit my mom & have some place to be able to be all alone with her. But I am an out cast at my brothers, because I have had the nerve to speak up as to my wishes. I am lost I do not know what to do or where to even attempt to find help.
  24. Dear trying to go on, Hello my name is Tootie, & I have lost my mom 2 & 1/2 years ago. I am so sorry for your loss. I have read the post you made here, & the kind replies you have gotten. The pain & grief we share is so terrible, as I go through it I only wish that noone, will ever have to suffer this way. Eventhough it has bee over 2 years since I lost my mom, the pain is still here every day. I too helped my mom with everything. I did not live with er, but 4 miles away. She was in a wheel chair & there were many things she could not do for herself, but I would drop everything & do for her. My dad did not help her much, & has since died too. He died Nov. 21st of 2004. My whole family split up when mom passed away, & this left me feeling all alone, & feeling as if I were the only one going through this pain. I then found this group & now know I am not alone. The people here have been life savers for me & helped me through the last couple of years. I am so sorry you have all of this pain, but I am also very glad that you have come here to be among friends & are seeking help, to cope with it all. Feel free to email me if you like, at any time. I need you to know that you are not alone. The pain is hard to deal with, but we must be strong & keep going on. Wishing you all the best. Tootie
  25. Hello, My name is Patti, & I am the baby of nine children. We all used to be one BIG happy family till two years ago March 30th, when our mom passed away. When this happened it is like we do not even know each other any more. I have 9 brothers & sisters, 30 some nieces & nephews, & 40 some great meices & nephews. Since moms passing I have 2 sisters who talk to me when they want or need something, & 1 niece who talks to me almost every day. That is all. I do not know why this has happened, but I do know all about your feeling all alone. Please remember that your life is worth living to the fullest, & if the old friends do not want to be around you, it is their loss. I have learned over the last two years that I can make new friends, some who will love me for who I am & what I am not what others think I may be. You can do this too. It is not going to be an easy road, but you are strong, & remember your mom is right there beside you to help you along. I wish you all the best, & I would also like you to know that if you need someone to talk to I would like to be here for you. Patti
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