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Rosemary T

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About Rosemary T

  • Birthday 03/11/1962

Previous Fields

  • Date of Death
    January 28, 2008
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    NA

Contact Methods

  • Website URL
    http://
  • ICQ
    0

Profile Information

  • Your gender
    Female
  • Location (city, state)
    Orlando, Florida
  • Interests
    Reading, Movies, Animals, Nature, Live Theater
  1. Thinking of you and wondering how you are.

  2. Hi Walt and everyone, I am only at 410 days today (not near 47 months) but it was about a year ago that I came here and met many of you. You seemed so far advanced and further along. I kept hoping that I could get to where you were. Well, now I am there and you are that much further. What has changed is I now know that the "progress" is really not what I would have hoped for. Maybe it is like having a baby.....you forget. The pain I felt those first few months were horrible and I know I am doing better because I am eating, sleeping, and going about my daily routine without falling apart. But I don't know if I am feeling any better. I just exist. Now I read Walt's post and realize that he is feeling lost and without that much more purpose even 4 years later!!! Sometimes I wonder if we all lived close by one another if it would make it any easier? I feel like I have so much in common with the people here but I had stopped posting because it did not seem to be making enough of a difference. So.....who is further than 4 years along? Are those folks just not here anymore? Have they gotten so far beyond their grief that they don't need this forum so that is why they aren't here? How did they do that? Or.......are they like me and just drifted off because they were feeling hopeless again? I want to hear from people like me (and Walt) because it makes me feel less alone but I also want to hear from people who have "moved on". How did they do it? When did they know it was time? What did they do to "get there"? Best to all of you. Rosemary
  3. Thanks for posting this Marsha. I also am hitting another wall but am right at the 1 year mark. I just can't seem to muster and feeling for anything either. I just do "stuff" because...... just because...... I am so apathetic. If I do have something to do, great...I do it. If I don't..fine; I can sit and do nothing. It is no way to live but maybe it is what I need right now. I also don't open up much. I mean really...why? People are well meaning and say they care and that they understand but really....they have their own lives and no, they don't understand. What I try to make sure of right now is not to think about the future. Living like this for another 10, 20, 30, or 40 years?????????????????? As the kids say...OMG.
  4. Ok, I hate to be a "party pooper" here but at first I thought how great it would be to have that hour and Mike's idea of an hour of just being together would be great. Now,.........I would turn down the hour. Why? Because to lose Lou all over again would just be too much to bear. I would only want the hour if it could have been added to the time before he ever had that heart attack. My year anniversary is coming up on Wednesday. Maybe that is why I just can't seem to think of anything positive to say! Sorry everyone! Rosemary
  5. Hi leda, I cannot go by the place that my husband worked for 50 years because it is the place that I believe caused his death. Even though he loved that place and that is where we met and even where we got married, I do my best to try and not even drive by it. So I know how you feel. My home that I had with Lou is different. I like to be there with the memories of him. His colonge and bathrobe are still in the bathroom and my bedroom is a shrine to his memory. I have his urn and all of his pictures there as well. It will be one year for me on January 28th. I am reading what others have to say about never having any real happiness or joy anymore but at least some peace. I guess we have to be grateful for anything we can get! I hope this site will help you make some progress on your grief journey. This is the only place (and a few PM from people I met here) that I get any real sense of peace from.
  6. Hi Leda, I found this site a few weeks after my Lou died in January of 2008. I am close to the 1 year mark and it does not surprise me that you are not "back the way you used to be". I don't expect to EVER be the way I used to be before Lou's death. What I am hoping for is that eventually I will feel as though I have a new purpose in life and am able to accept my husbands untimely death in a more positive light. Right now this is not where I am at! I am glad you found us. I hope this site will be of some comfort to you. I can tell you now that you (without even knowing it at first) will contribute to our healing. We all get strength from each other. Sometimes it is from encouraging words but often it is simply getting affirmation of our own feelings and knowing that we are not crazy or alone in the way we grieve and/or choose to cope.
  7. Teny, Thank you so much for sharing the customs and traditions of your country with us. I love the idea of the good luck coin even though it is not special to you now. Did you ever think that maybe something really bad might have happened to your loved one and that God might have spared him this hardship by taking him home to heaven early? I hope I don't upset you by saying that. I am just wondering. I found out the other day that all the people in my husband's family got Altzheimers between the ages of 65 and 70 and it was a very long, painful, slow death for them and their families. Now I am wondering if maybe God was doing my husband a favor by taking him home with him early (he was almost 67 when he died of a massive heart attack). I know that my husband was so full of life and independent. The worst thing that could happen to him would be for him to not be able to take care of himself or be productive. I, of course, would have loved to have him with me even if he were sick and suffering. But that would be very selfish of me and he used to tell me that this was the worst thing he could imagine. So maybe this terrible thing that happened to me is actually something "good" for my dear departed Lou. I hope you find peace in the new year and can forgive God for taking your Yanni away from you. I am trying to do the same!
  8. I want to start a list of the couples here...I could name many of them but don't want to leave anyone out, so please add your name and the name of the spouse you lost...I want to pray for each of you in this new year. Kay and George Erica and Walter Scott and Kate Tom and Mary Linda Janet and Mike Corinne and Jimmy Jeanne and Alex Derek and Karen Rosemary and Lou
  9. Hi Melanie, This will be my first New Year's Eve without my Lou as well. In the beginning Lou and I would do the whole "big party" thing on New Year's Eve but later we found much more enjoyment having a nice dinner out (an early one) and then playing some cards with friends. We always made sure we were home before midnight, in fact, I was yawning and trying hard to keep my eyes open long enough to watch the "ball drop" on TV. Spooning with Lou and falling into a wonderful, restful sleep, knowing we had spent another year together was all the excitement I needed. It will be very strange to start the new year without him. The "firsts" of everything are so hard. I already did the first Valentines, the first birthdays, the first anniversary's, etc. All that is left now is the first New Year's Eve and the first anniversary of my dear Lou's death. Come here often and continue to rely on this forum and your "cyber friends" when needed. I am told that "in person support groups" are also helpful but have not found it to be so in my case. Believe me when I say I know where you are coming from. I never knew that this pain would come so soon, be so horrific, and last so long. I'll be thinking of you! Take care!
  10. Hi Vickie, I want to echo both Fred and Mike. I talk about Lou all the time. I don't care who likes it or who doesn't. I will remember him and will tell anyone who is listening (and even those who don't) as much about him as possible. I have one dear friend who talks about Lou every time we are together. She loved him so much and thought he was so special and is not afraid to tell me over and over again. I just love her for it. You know, my family members rarely bring up Lou's name either. They try so hard to include me in things and to be kind but I really think they are afraid of brining up his name. You know which family member is the least shy about it? My 6 year old grandson! (Well, he is really not blood related but as far and he and I are concerned I am his Mee Maw). He mentions his Paa Paw all the time and I am amazed at some of the things he says. Children have a special way of thinking about death even though it seems as though they can't really comprehend it. He is never afraid to say, "Mee Maw, I sure do miss Paa Paw!". He told me once, "Its ok to be sad that Paa Paw is gone Mee Maw! You can talk to him; he will hear you but you won't be able to hear what he says back; he is too far away. But he sees you and he knows you love him and miss him." Out of the mouth of babes! Fred, I am not Catholic but a co-worker who is a very devout Catholic and one of the kindest souls I know did something very special for me. On the Sunday after what would have been my husband's 67th birthday, he arranged for a special Mass offered for the repose of my dear Lou's soul. To hear his name spoken by the Father and to have him honored in such a special way meant so much to me. Speak as often as you wish of your loved one. Keep their memory alive! God Bless!
  11. And Happy Birthday to everyone who is having one! Wendy, although I have not posted to you specifically in awhile, I have been keeping up with some of your postings in other forums and think you are a wonderful person the way you find the time and energy to lift up others during your own hurting. Take care!
  12. Well, I guess I will join the "abnormal" crowd then. I hate being away from home any longer than I have to. When I go to work it is different because I am a middle school assistant principal. Believe me, I don't have time to think about anything but what I am doing during the time I am there. But I cannot stay away from home at night. I have had some family and friends invite me out of town but if it is not close enough to get back into the bed I shared with Lou I am just not interested. And if I am just "visiting" with friends or family (I don't have many) after a few hours I get a bit restless and want to head home. I feel most comfortable in the room where Lou and I spend each night together. I have his urn and his pictures there. I also love our family room where I can sit on the couch, pet the cats and watch TV. I will look over at Lou's chair and imagine him there with his leg thrown over one side. Each afternoon I feed the birds and raccoons out back. Sometimes I'll sit on the screened in patio and listen to my water fountain and watch the "critters" eat the treats I have left them or smell the Gardinias blooming on the bush. Some of the best years of my life with Lou were spent in this house, each room and each spot around this house holds wonderful memories. I have nothing but those memories to live off of so I can't imagine being anywhere else. I keep an open mind though. God will let me know when it is time for me to do something. He always has in the past. In the meantime I will "wait" and find comfort in what I can. Marsha, you are not abnormal! And it is ok to be a little selfish right now. Take care of your self!
  13. Wow! What a great idea Mike had about providing the links to the photos! It makes me feel as though I know him and his family that much better! I have also seen people put out place settings for their departed ones on special occasions and never thought it was weird or strange. I had a great dinner last night and ate way too much but after hearing (and seeing) what Mike prepared I think I could have eaten again! Glad we all made it through!
  14. Hi Mike, Thanks for noticing! Lou loved bowling and that is a picture of him at one of the national tournaments. We were even married on a pair of bowling lanes! Marsha, What a joy that must have been. Even though I live here in Florida and even lived on the ocean for awhile, I never saw a dolphin here except at Sea World. I did see a whole bunch of them next to a boat I was in while on the water off the coast of Spain one year! They are remarkable! Thanks for sharing. It was a decent day. I photoshoped a picture of Lou into a photograph of the lady I went to see today. She loved Lou very much and carries a picture of his newspaper obit in her wallet. She takes it out to look at every once in a while. So I gave her a wallet size one and a 4 by 6 in a frame. It took me awhile to get the picture right so that it really looked like it had been taken of the two of them together. I think she really appreciated it! Hope everyone has a great night tonight. I am sad without my Lou but will go to sleep remembering some of the good times.
  15. Fred, Thanks so much for posting. It is good to hear from others who are in the same boat and you expressed what all of us feel so well! I am one of those who chose to be by myself for most of the Holiday and don't regret it at all! I am also amused at the number of people that seem concerned by this "aloneness". I have been alone for 331 days now; today is no different to me. I thought it would be but it is not. I realize this is not the case for others in our group whose grief is newer and "fresher". We are all different yet so much alike! I wish the best to everyone on this site and appreciate all the sharing that brings us closer.
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