DebFromLodi

My daughter has dreams about my mom, her grandmother. In a dream they talk and my daughter knows that my mom is dead. But they have conversations and my mom always tells my daughter how much she loves her. I wish I could dream about my mom. To see her in a dream and actually remember that dream would be wonderful. I NEVER remember any of my dreams. In my daughter's dreams, she is sitting and talking with my mom when her mind says "Grandma is dead and we are talking."

Thank you so much, Kay. Feels good when others understand

Today is my first birthday without the phone call from my brother

I watched my brother, John, suffer through colon cancer, liver cancer about 3 times, bone cancer and brain cancer. He went through hell. I am so very sorry he had to go through all of this but it was best for him that he passed away. I miss him so much and talk to him at night but the pain and surgeries he went through were terrible. He never complained. The will to live is so strong. Thank God, the night he died, was in his sleep.

kayc: you are so right. I go along thinking how well I am doing, and it hits me that he is no longer here. And I start hurting all over again. But this is not about me, I keep telling myself that he is better off now. it is like a roller coaster ride, up and down and I cannot control these feelings.

Well the viewing was last night. He was so small, lying there. He had been through so much that he did not really look like "John." I told him I love him and asked God to watch over him. Today I felt a sort of freedom, if that makes sense. It was like seeing him no longer in pain and with no bags or tubes coming out of his body gave me a sense of peace. I KNOW now that he is no longer in pain. Yes I do believe in Heaven and I DO believe he is there right now. I have always believed this, but seeing him last night made it all seem more real. It is really hard to put into words. The service this Saturday morning will probably be tough, but only on us. He is forever free.

He was only 67 and fighting cancer since 11/08. First it was colon cancer and he had radical surgery. Then it went to his liver 2 or 3 times. His doctors got it under control every time, but infections kept happening and he ended up with so many tubes to drain the infections. Plus the original "bag." He went through chemo and radiation. Then it went to his brain, he had rads again. Then to his back and was going through more rads when he had to be hospitalized with an infection. They got that under control and he was back home. He woke up with a fever again and this time developed MRSA while in the hospital. He was there about a week and a half, then yesterday at 1:25 am he let go and passed away. I don't know how to feel, what to feel, where to turn for help. My sister and other brother are going through a really tough time as well. I am not trying to make this about "me". I just need guidance. I know he is out of pain and I did pray that God take him before it got so bad. I tell myself he is in Heaven with my mom and that helps, kind of. I just needed to write about it I guess. So many nice people here who are willing to help out and I thank you all in advance.

Thank you, your words mean more than you know.

Just to let you know that my brother passed away peacefully at 1:25 am this morning. Thank you for all the kind words and your help.

My brother is 67 years old. He is currently in the hospital with brain cancer, past colon cancer, bone cancer and MRSA. I don't know how to feel, what to pray for. I just feel lost. And yet my life is going on while his is soon to be over. I don't go see him like I should, I hate seeing him like that. I just don't know what to do anymore.

What a beautiful story. Thanks for sharing it.

Thanks for the big hugs, Niamh. This was an old post, it is actually 6 years as of Feb 2 (last Sunday).

Thank you so much Marty. You are always there for me.

Thanks for your kind words. I survived it, of course.

It is me again. It has been 6 years today since she is gone. I miss her as much today as the day it happened, maybe more. I love you, Mom.