H.A.B.

I wish u luck in pulling certain people up when they try to forget that in your heart u are and always will be married. Some people are afraid of death (the mere word sends them running) other ignore it (like it will never come to their door) and the only people who will really understand how u feel are those who have gone thru it. This web site has given me great comfort in the early morning hours when I needed to connect with others out there who have and are still in the throse of grief. It helps to keep me focused and realize I am not alone. TC

Good morning billyanne. It's nice to hear that some1 else out there feels exactly the same as I do. As far as I'm concerned I will always be "Mrs" and I frankly don't care what the rest of the world thinks. In my heart I am still married. When we were married, as the JP said "til death do u part", we looked at each other and mouthed "for all eternity" and that's the way it is. I still wear my wedding rings and I wear his too, tho I've noticed that some people find this extremely odd. My husband may not be here physically but he lives on in my heart. Yes, the next 30 or 40 years are gonna be lonely with only memories of the love we once shared but, I had real love and it shall keep me until we meet again. Take care.

I am so tired of people telling me that because I am young, I will find someone else. Have any of them ever thought that maybe I don't want to? Maybe just maybe I really loved my husband and getting rid of his memory like an old pair of socks is something I won't do. He was my second marriage and I counted my blessings to have him for the short time I did, but I wish these people would just button their lips and leave me alone. I have my children to look after, a new life to build, the last thing on my mind is finding someone else. What is wrong with these insensitive people. I loved John and I still do, for goodness sakes he's only been gone for 13 weeks and 2 days. (Sorry, I just had to rant and rave for a bit. Is there any1 else out there who has gone thru this?)

Thank-you MartyT for those poems. For once something finally made sense in describing how I feel.

Hello gerigp. My heart goes out to u in your time of grief. Tomorrow my husband will have been gone for 12 weeks/3 months. Yes I am still counting. I feel your pain and I know your pain all too well. I have my children to keep me going but somedays it is so difficult. Time helps but it will not take away the emptiness nor will it stop the tears. The month of February was special for us...we met on the 3rd, started dating on the 27th and were married on the 27th also...this month hurts. But somehow u keep going, don't ask me how, I don't know...u just keep getting up every morning and going. It took us 6 weeks before we quit crying. Every one is different, every grief undescribable...My thoughts are with u and I shall pray for u too.

Hello Karen. I know what u'r talking about; I was up last night bringing in the new year like we always did. I remembered last year and how much joy we had in each other's company...how was I to know that now I would be alone? Today I found pictures on my computer and I would blow them up just to look at his face again, see his hands, watch as he worked. That's the hard thing about pictures, u swear u could jump into them and everything would be alright again but it won't. At times like this, I just sit and cry and oh how I miss that man. He was my life; all my hopes and dreams were around him and they all died the night he did. How on earth can I ever be happy again...he was my happy. So it's day by day and go thru the motions and paint a smile on your face so the rest of the world doesn't know how much u hurt...I want to scream "Why!" but I know that won't change anything. I find myself watching people now and envying their ignorance; they do not know the pain nor the sorrow, they still have hope and love in their hearts...mine feels as heavy as a rock. A part of me wonders if he feels the same sorrow as me. They say in Heaven our loved ones feel no more pain and are finally happy but do they miss us as much as we miss them? Do they cry also or are they lucky enough to just let go and finally have peace? If this is all true, why must I be the only one left behind lost in memories and crying? I have no answers only questions and I pray that one day God will show me the way.

Hey GrammyBear, my heart goes out to u. I was not lucky enough to have the years u had with your love (I had only 71/2yrs) but I understand about the adoration he put upon u, how u were his world, how it was love at first sight for him...How do u start? Well, maybe with each morning u get up. How does 1 begin alone when it was always the 2 of you...2 peas in a pod. But we are the ones that are left behind and we must keep going even if we don't want to; I think it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I have at least 40 more years of it. I hope my words let u know that u are not alone out there and hopefully with time and the good Lord's help we both shall get thru this.

gbee817; i've learned that every1 here seems to go thru the same stages: some take longer and some go down different paths. All I know is that I have to keep myself very very busy...if I slow down, I think and then I get sad. Weekends are the worse but we are now packing up everything and so it keeps me and the children busy and hoping for a brighter tomorrow. My children are my world now and I thank the Lord for them every day! I'm going to survive and carry on for them and for me; John wouldn't want me to quit. There are days I don't want to move but I make myself because I am still living and there is a reason I am here and one day I will be an old woman and it will be my turn and I will finally be with John again. I have great faith in God and this helps more than you can imagine.

I just found this place and I have read your stories. I am not alone. You see I lost my John on Nov. 18/04: I found him and I tried to bring him back and so did the ambulance but it didn't help. He was only 38. I truely believe he was my soulmate, my other half. I know my heart will only love him and I am ok with that, but it sure is hard. I miss him so very much.