J.Anne

I haven't been here for quite a while. guess I thought I was doing okay but I'm coming up on 6 mo. since I lost my significant other and it just seems to go on and on. I can't remember the last time anything was "fun". I go to work, I come home to an empty house and I work on projects that we had talked about doing. I've been making myself go out to dinner with friends but can't say it is any fun. People ask how I am doing and I feel like since I am functioning and it has been so long, they expect me to say things are fine. So I do say I'm okay and keep plugging along. When does it finally get better?

I can so relate to what you said in your letter. The routine stuff during the week like going to work and paying bills get done tho every morning it is a struggle just to make myself get out of bed. I get home from work and all I seem to want to do is lay down, cover my head, and sleep. If am not sleeping, I seem to be crying. It has only been 2 months and I am told this is normal and it will get better so I tie a knot in the end of my rope and hang on. I pray you can do the same. Hugs. J.Anne

Hello to all, This is my first time posting on this message board. I first of all want to recognize how wonderful the people of hospice are. Without them, the last few weeks would have been unbearable. I lost my significant other on New Year's Day after her 3 year battle with ovarian cancer. It was horrible to watch this vibrant mother of 2 suffer so much. As the primary caregiver, I was there thru the battles with chemo ( 4 different types in 30 months), I was there thru the extreme pain and tears, I was there thru the terrible naseau and swelling that took Shanda's life 2 mo. before her 41st b-day. This beautiful woman looked 70 yrs. old when she died. With all this misery she was going thru, it was still so hard to let her go. I thought I was ready because we knew from the start that her chances were not good. I thought I had my head around things and was ready to handle all tasks that come with death. I wasn't. I have awful memories of her last days when she didn't know who anybody was and couldn't get around. I keep thinking "what if I had insisted we try another doctor" sooner. In some ways it just seems to go on and on, dealing with cemetary, estate, bills. But then I realize it hasn't even been 2 months and it seems like forever. We were best of friends for almost 26 yrs. and made lots of memories. I didn't realize how many until every little thing seems to remind me of her or something we shared. I look forward to the day that I quit feeling like just half a person. In the meantime, I will keep moving on as it is my job to be a model for her 16 and 20 yr. old daughters who are dealing with much more than I. Thanks for having this message board.