My deepest sympathy goes out to you all. I lost my wife on 21 May 2004, after our more then five years of battling breast cancer. I would like to say that things get easier as time slips by but I have not found that to be true. Like you all, I was (and still am to some degree) very angry that my wife left me after 41 years of marriage. I blamed God for taking her and couldn’t understand why she had to leave. Additionally, what angered me is there is nothing I can do to bring her back. Like many of you, I am a person who feels he can get nearly anything done by just applying more time, effort, money, etc. With death, we all know that is not true – which makes it that much harder to accept. My wife knew she was dying and approximately 10 days before passing wrote our two children, six grandchildren, and me good-bye cards. On my card she apologized for leaving me and said God was calling her so she had to leave. When we lose our spouse and they can pass with that mind set, it is hard to remain angry. I control my anger and mitigate my loss by remaining busy – going back to work, taking grandchildren out to movies, dinner, trips to Disney Land, working around the house, helping neighbors, etc. Something we all need to remember is that we are only put on this earth for a short period of time, when we leave it is nice to leave a legacy of some sort – my wife’s was that she had no enemies and befriended all – her goodness and gratitude will be remembered by all. For you and I to be angry and complain about our spouse leaving us alone is SELFISH on our part. We were each blessed with that person for a specified time after which there services were required in a world beyond what we know her on earth. I will leave you all with a verse given to me by a local Hospice, the verse is called “Safely Home”. “I am home in heaven dear ones; Oh, so happy and bright! There is perfect joy and beauty in this everlasting light. All the pain and grief is over. Every restless tossing passed; I am now at peace forever, safely home in heaven at last. Did you wonder I so calmly Trod the valley of the shade? Oh! But Jesus’ love illuminated every dark and fearful grade. And He came himself to meet me in that way so hard to tread: And with Jesus’ arm to lean on, could I have one doubt or dread? Then you must not grieve so sorely. For I love you dearly still: Try to look beyond earth’s shadows, Pray to trust our Father’s Will. There is still work waiting for you’ so you must not idly stand; Do it now while life remaineth – you shall rest in Jesus’ land. When the work is completed, He will gently call you Home: Oh, the rapture of that meeting, Oh the joy to see you come!” To all of you, it is healthy to grieve, but don’t allow that grieving to be destructive – do you think that is what your loved one would have wanted? I know my wife wouldn’t. Thank You Joe --- Phoenix AZ
