ana

Hi there, I am so sorry for you loss. My only sibling and big brother passed away 6 months ago and yes, it is really hard. He was 30 years old and I'm in my 20s and I really miss him. And people our age - at least in my mind - are preoccupied with partying and going to bars, and starting new relationships etc. People our age - at least in my mind and well, at least before my brother passed away it was how it was for me - didn't really think about death and dying and the impact it could have on our lives. So yes, we are pretty much alone in our grief. Have you tried speaking to someone? A doctor? A therapist? Someone you feel comfortable that you can really reach out to? I know now that grief is really hard to deal with. Sometimes I don't want to be here either, but I still have both my parents and I couldn't leave them behind. I remember for me how great and awesome and amazing life was before my brother died and I suppose it may be one day again - even if right now it seems impossible. Please reach out to those around you that you can really really talk to. Your life is precious. Ana

Hi Theresa I am so sorry for your loss. Although I am not a parent (too soon for me), I am watching my parents go through their grief after my brother and only sibling and their only son passed away 6 months ago. It saddens to me to know that both my parents are hurting so much and there's nothing that I can do. It was horrible hearing my dad cry for the first time in my entire life and hearing him say 'he was too young and this is wrong, it's not suppose to be like this'. Theresa, the pain is horrible. Although the grief of a parent and a grief of losing a sibling is probably different, I feel for you. Take care of yourself and the kids. Ana

Hi Spela I think I reply to almost every post because I really don't know what to do with myself sometimes. I think what you are feeling is normal. It's been 6 months now for me since my only sibling and older brother passed away at the age of 30. Everything that I had wished for in the future I don't even think about or care about anymore. Like you, travelling, my career, and spending time with friends - I just don't care. And being mean. I remember an outburst I had the first week after my brother had passed away. It was unlike me. A girl almost hit my car with hers (she wasn't paying attention while driving) and when we had to stop our cars for a train, I got out of my car and just freaked out on her. So unlike me because never in my life would I have ever done that. My understanding is that grief forever will change you. I mean, our lives have been turned upside down and this one time, we can't fix it like before. The person that was always in our life is now gone and a piece of us has been taken away that use to make us whole. And I think alot of us wait...we wait for someting...maybe wait for everything to be the same again. It's still very fresh for you. It's still very fresh in my mind for me. Take care of yourself, Ana

Hi Spela / Marty T Thanks so much. Today is the day after my brother's 6 month anniversary and I called in sick today - just didn't feel like going and have slept the day away. I believe I do have unresolved grief and that maybe I am blocking out the fact that he's gone now - I just couldn't imagine a world without him. And I thought about it, but as a family only my mom would really cry openly. My dad did break down at the funeral and days afterwards (first time in my life ever seeing him cry). My brother would cry to me when him and his girlfriend would break up and during other 'trying' times, but that's about it. Now that I think about it, everyone would come crying to me. I was the one who would cry hidden in the room. Or for the most part, go running to my brother when things got tough. Thanks again. This is hard. Ana

My only sibling and big brother passed away 6 months ago - he was 30 years old. I use to be able to cry. I mean, I use to cry at work when things got stressful and I would cry after fighting with friends or cry if I were purely frustrated. My brother passes away and no tears. No tears at the funeral home. No tears at the hospital. No tears at the funeral. And no tears...6 months later. I have gotten teary eyed but all of a sudden has the ability to shut it off. I just feel numb. I always thought that if someone were to die in my family I would go insane and weep like a banshee. My brother dies suddenly and no tears. I do feel really bad and miss him so much, but I think I'm blocking out the fact that he's gone - but not sure about that. I just find it strange that I won't cry - ... I'm thinking that down the road when I'm older I'll end up having a nervous breakdown.

Hi There Am back, and now am at the 6th month mark. The anger that I had before has somewhat lifted now I think I'm going through denial. I must say though, that I am having better days at times, but at the same time, having days that aren't as great. I can't believe that 6 months has passed, it still feelsl like it just happened, not like yesterday anymore, but more like a few weeks ago. As the days go by I feel like I'm getting farther and farther away from my brother. Spela, take care of yourself and take the time you need. Ana

Hi Spela I found some comfort in reading your post about your friend - my brother passed away almost 6 months ago and he was 30 years old. He was my only sibling and big brother and well, I always wondered if his friends missed him etc. - I feel like I'm the only one feeling my pain, next to both my mom and dad. Does your friend have any brothers or sisters that you can speak to? I'm sure they would love to hear from you...it's comforting on both sides to talk about the person that has passed away. I spoke to a few of my brothers girlfriends and it was nice to know what they thought of him and how much they missed him. Take care, Ana

Thank you so much.

That was great - they should hand those out at funeral homes - kidding. There should be a course at school on death and dying.

I feel as though I'm 'losing' it at times, but I guess I'm not. I'm probably overly tired and just plain sick of the whole OMG MY BROTHER IS DEAD. Work thought I was losing my mind when I told someone in the office that I sit at home and wait in my brother's room for him to come home - this was a couple of weeks after he passed away - like hello - a couple of weeks is such a short time to actually grasp the concept that someone you love and who was in your life for years is not coming home. And yes, people can be insensitive.

My older brother and only sibling passed away suddenly at the age of 30 on Sept 21/04. This is selfish, but what i hated most during the funeral and days to follow were people telling me to: -take care of my parents -be there for my parents -watch out for my parents It was weird, it was like my grief didn't/does not exist. I hate the fact that sibling grief is something that is usually not acknowledged. I mean you can usually find more information on parents losing children or children losing parents or even when you lose a pet - but hardly any information on the feelings of siblings losing siblings.

I lost my brother on Sept 21/04, he was my only sibling and my big brother - he was 30 years old. His death was sudden and unexpected in my mind - he had been sick for about a year and a half and had an emergency liver transplant the day he passed away. He died 2 times on the operating table, the first time they had his heart working again, the second time, they coudln't revive him. I feel the same way. It's been about 3 months since my brother passed away, but I'm not sure what to do. I snap at people and freak out every chance I get, but all I want is my brother to come home and be with me again. And yes, it's like a bad dream that you can't wake up from. All I do is sleep. I just want people to leave me alone, but at the same time I don't. I'm not sure what we're suppose to do. Stay strong.