angie_w

Well, I've emailed the Gila River Pima website for advice, feels kinda strange to email for advice on correct traditional handling of possessions of someone who has died-guess that's my age showing.... In a semi-unrelated topic, I have done some google-research of the physical symptoms of imminent death. I wish his nurse could've explained more and told me what to expect; she stayed past her shift waiting for me and had to leave when I arrived, and she took excellent care of him-and me-so I don't blame her. And she told me to hold his hand and talk to him, which i did. But it would have been easier for me had I understood why he was making those strange facial expressions, changing color, etc. while I sat with him. Has anyone here had a similar situation?

--------------------------------------- I very much appreciate the thoughts of all who have replied. I will check out the contacts you've mentioned, he was a Gila River Pima but in my experience Indians aren't picky about tribal background (or lack thereof) when someone asks for help.... The family, well, to be fair most of them live hundreds of miles away and/or in Mexico. His brother who lives in the US did a lot to coordinate the whole "post-death" paperwork/procedural nightmare. My burden is still heavy, but I talk to my sweetie a lot (just at home, don't need people calling the nut-house.) I hope he hears me.

I'm grateful to have found this forum...my boyfriend (together since 2002) died Tuesday March 4th. He had been in the hospital for 3 weeks, I was there when his numbers all went south and helped the nurse unhook the machinery. He had cirrhosis because he used to drink and though he'd cut way down by the time I met him and finally stopped, he's Indian (Pima) and it caught up with him. He was 57, I'm 38. Some of his family drove/flew here from San Diego and Sonora (Mexico), and his son and grandbaby live nearby, but most speak little English and mi espanol no esta bien. We had a brief viewing at the crematorium, his daughter (by former marriage) started screaming at her aunt (his sister), I still have no idea about what so I just went out and sat on the steps and bummed a smoke from his ex-wife (who was very nice, considering it was the first time we/her kids had met) and watched the cars drive by. My side of the family lives on the east coast-I am in Sacramento-and there were three deaths on that side this week so nobody could make it here; now everyone has gone home and I no longer can keep my mind active by dining with/talking with/taking care of his family--just me here crying and sorting through his clothes to take to Goodwill or give to "our" homeless guys or have his son pick up, writing "deceased" on his mail, paying the hospital bills (it was my insurance) and waiting for my copy of the death certificate so I can tell his bill collectors to f*off. I've started back to work today, I'm grateful to have my days active; I can keep it together there but now that I'm home all I can think about is what if i'd gotten insurance before January/not taken Monday "off" from sleeping at hospital/taken better care of him/etc, etc. I know it's pointless to feel guilt, but it's there staring at me. I'm frustrated with his son, he caused his father loads of grief and it took some time to convince him that his dad was seriously ill. I'm pissed because some skank at "his" bar (I never drank when he was alive, not fair to say "you can't, but I can", but I wanted to let the staff/regulars know what had happened) hit on me Friday (already knowing what had happened) when I went in to tell them that my sweetie had passed. I very much appreciate you reading my rant. Since some of you are in Arizona, perhaps you can give me a Pima/other tribe POV on this whole thing...and what is the proper thing to do with his beautiful feathers and beads? Thank you all.