Some people don't know when they are going to die. Others do. How do you prepare yourself for death? Everyone knows that one day their journey will end. Life is not forever, not for any of us. But, having death right there in your face...How do you handle that? My mother started having extreme pains in her stomache. They were so extreme that she would roll around on the floor crying. She kept going to the emergency room and they kept sending her home. Finally, one doctor did exploratory surgery and found the cancer. She didn't know she had cancer until the next day. So my dad, my sister, and myself had to visit her that night knowing she had 6 months to live and pretend that everyhting was ok. My mom really surprised me when she found out. She was very optimistic and ready to fight the disease. She did not want to die. She was only 50 years old and she had a lot to live for. So, she began her fight. My mom always had a smile on her face. Despite the situation. She could not eat, she had no hair, she could barely move, but she COULD smile. and she did. Sometimes I even forgot she was sick. We shared a lot of good times and spent everyday together. My mom was at home with the family for the first four months. Then she got really sick. She had to stay in the hospital. Even after hearing that my mom had 6 months to live, i began to believe that she would make it. This was the first time since then that I knew she was going to die. My mom lived everyday since then knowing the same awful truth that I had just discovered. She still continued being a mom. worrying about us and my dad. She never acted afraid and always stayed strong. How do you do that? She was the most amazing person. She lived everyday knowing that it could be her last, and not once did I hear "it's not fair." Not once did I hear her complain. My mom was the bravest person that I know. I miss her so much that my heart actually hurts. I am, however, so grateful that she was my mom. I'm grateful she didn't die earlier. I'm grateful for all of the years I did get to spend with her. I'm grateful for all that she has taught me. I'm grateful for her memory. My memories of her are what keep me going. Through her, I am able to live my life and hope that I can be even half the person she was. I am all alone in this world without her, but I have to be brave for her. I have to do things that she never got a chance to do. I have to teach others everyhting that I learned from her. I have days that are absolutely horrible. I have days that are ok. I wouldn't say that i'm at the point where I can have a good day yet. But I am trying. I am still so crushed. I hope that one day, though, I will be at a point where I won't think about my mothers death.....I'll think about her Life. My mom taught me that being brave does not mean that you are not afraid. Being brave is knowing that something will be hard, knowing that your scared, but doing it anyway. Thank you mom. I will always remember you and love you more then anyone could possibly imagine.
