Anna, my mother died of COPD too. January 3 this year. And she wanted to die at home with her dogs (her favorite was at her feet, although mom probably didn't know it). Letting her die was the hardest thing in the world. I lived with her my entire life, but she was only seriously ill for the last four years. Were you able to say everything you needed to her? That's the only good thing about COPD. You get some time to prepare. Otherwise it is a horrible way to die. I feel lost too, although work is helping. I find that routines help. I don't get why other people try to rush us. I guess they're uncomfortable with death. Well, tough! I'm not letting them rush me. And don't let your husband rush you. If you can't be selfish right now, when can you be? I do try to spread my grief around a bit. I don't call the same friend crying every day. Each of my friends gets hit about once a week. And if people ask me how I'm doing at work, I'm blunt. It sucks, I say. And that makes me feel good. When my older sister died and I called one of my best friends and told her the first thing out of her mouth was, "That sucks!" I still remember it. It wasn't especially "mature" or articulate, but really captured how I felt. Death sucks. Loss sucks. It sucks energy out of us. The good thing, it will get better. Because our moms would want us to be happy, right? And you can have the wonderful satisfaction of knowing you helped her leave this world surrounded by love and attention. So many people die alone or in fear. She died with you by her side. That was a lovely gift you gave to her. You time and attention and love. Be proud of yourself.