Josie038

My heart goes out to you Shauna, sounds like you experienced something similar! Unfortunately we knew what had taken mom from us, not that it made it any better or easier at all, but at least we have a name for it. I always thought if the doctors informed us of what was going to happen I could be better prepared, but you know truth be told, nothing could’ve prepared us for that, it was horrible! Especially seeing a loved one in that condition. I am like you I relive that day over and over again wishing it was a bad dream and that she is going to come home to us! That day is always there and will always be there! I’ve been told it gets easier and that the good memories surface, which I want, I don’t like seeing that day! You are completely right about that day, things we had to decide on that should’ve never had to be decided, my best friend and confidant now gone and so much more that I’m only discovering as time goes on. What I don’t’ understand about her family is, how can you ignore the fact she died? She was your sister, daughter. Trust me I know it’s painful, but come on! I told my dad, if it’s continues I can’t be around people who don’t want to talk about her, she was a wonderful person and not to talk about her is a disgrace to her memory. You got that right about it being an adventure as you are the only one who can work through the jungle of pain and frustration. How long ago since your mom passed? Today is my birthday and the first one without mom, so far it’s been very sad and painful day.

Thanks for your kind words and support, this has definitely been a long hard road to get through! Everyone keeps telling me it will get better! Somedays are definitely better than others!

July of last year, I lost my mom (59) after a two week battle with a very fierce strain of bacterial meningitis; she never ever gained consciousness, so we never got to have a final goodbye with her. The doctor told us the meningitis she had ravaged her brain to the point where there was very little brain activity, she was put on life support and after many heartbreaking visits with the doctor, it came down the fact she was never ever going to come out of this state, there was no hope of recovery! That is when my world collapsed around me! We were left to make a heartbreaking decision my dad, brother and myself and that was do we take her off life support? We knew that it was the right decision, but still a horrible heartbreaking decision none the less, I never ever in my life want to go through that again. The day that came to take her off the support was such an agonizing painful day, as we knew that this was the end! I’m quite angry with the doctors and the nurses because they never ever warned us of things we might see that could be completely upsetting as when they took the tubes out it appeared that mom had woken up and was wild looking, like what the hell had we done to her! I completely freaked out thinking that we had made the worst decision. I later found out that it is common for patients on life support to react that way! Six hours after the life support had been removed, mom passed away! Eight months have passed and I relive that day everyday like it was yesterday, somedays the pain is just so unbearable, it just seems like my brain doesn't want to comprehend the fact that she is truly gone. I miss her so much! We are forever left with questions like how did she get did and why? the doctor has told us we will never know those answers! I feel that my mom's family has totally abandoned me, as I never hear from them and if I see them, they never want to talk about her and what happened.