Caroline

Prayers for Wendy and just wanted to tell you the candle is such a wonderful expression of your compassion. Caroline

How beautiful and touching. And you are very talented. Thank you for sharing this tribute. Caroline

It has been quite a while since I was in here, but your music comments touched my very soul. It will be 9 years on February 12, when I lost the love of my life, my best friend, really my whole life. Then I lost my 2nd husband two years ago on February 23rd. At first, I couldn't stand to hear music then I started to listen to music at home, by myself. I find it to be of great comfort and at the same time, it always generates tears. I told my doctor I was thinking of trying to organize a group of widows who would be able to come to my home and we would just listen to music and let it take each one of us whereever we needed to go. But the important thing would be that we could cry and cry without judgement or comment, yet not be all alone. Yes, I think music is a great healer. Thank you for listening to my idea which, regretfully, I did not follow through with.

Hello Lilly, It has been quite some time since I posted and you answered. For whatever reason, I am thinking of you with prayers that you are doing better and have found some solutions to the loneliness. I haven't. It will be two years in February and I still feel the same. I pray and pray some more but I just cant' seen any answers at this age. Loneliness is so hard to accept. Again, just thinking of you and your thoughtful response. Sincerely, Caroline

Hi Rosemary, My name is Caroline. I live in AZ. Your post touches me deeply. Just wanted to tell you I do understand and I do care ( even though I know I can't be of much help). I'm much older than you and my husband died in February this year. I too feel like a flat line. I don't have any grandchildren, have a daughter about your age but her husband is very needy and takes all her time. That's ok, as long as they love each other, it's none of my business. But it leaves me very alone. My dog Lacy is the only living breathing being that cares about me on a daily basis so the only reason I don't just leave this planet is because she depends on me. I will keep you in my daily prayers and pray for your strength, comfort, and patience as you transition to the future. You are young and have many years of life left. Please keep the faith - life is for the living. Sounds like you are doing the very best you can and that is a lot to be proud of and all that you should expect of yourself at this time. I wish I had more wisdom to give - all I can say is I care and I do acknowledge your pain. I think all of life is a journey with many bumps and curves. I hope your road ahead will soon take a new turn and open the door to the happiness (we all want to love and be loved) that all of us deserve. Bless you, Caroline Grively

Dear Lily, You expressed my feelings and experiences so perfectly. Wish I could hug you for that. Just wanted to let you know I'm feeling exactly that way and yes, no one wants to really listen. I'm not blaming them (maybe a little) but it seems like everyone has a case of the "denials" that such sorrow even exists in this world. I'm afraid I can't help anyone and I don't post very often either but I do read the posts and care and pray for help for all of us. At least this is one avenue we have to express our feelings and know they will be accepted and understood and shared. Wishing peace soon, Caroline

Hi Wendy, Just wanted to tell you I understand the long weekend sadness. I'm retired but holidays are especially hard anyway. My husband died Feb.23rd. so yesterday was 3 months and our wedding anniversary is May 30th. and his birthday was May 13th. So this whole month I have been a mess. I just wish I had some answers or help or something to offer but I'm just a shell going through the routines of basic living. I will pray for you, me and all in pain. Being alone is just so hard. If I ever find an answer that works I'll be screaming it out. The tears come at any time and like you, I have to come home without accomplishing errands etc. that I really need to get done. The one thing we can hold on to is that we are not alone and that helps. Bless you and hope you will find some relief over this long weekend. Caroline

Oh, my dear Kim, Bless your heart. Your post just touched me to my toes And, I wish so much I had some words of wisdom and a magic wand to wave and take away your pain. I too found no comfort in the councelling etc. And I find that unless someone is in the throes of this pain, they can't begin to understand. Plus, I think that in general because the population is just so big and the media just cranks out the most awful of news and people have become numb to all the pain there is in the world. But I know the hurt, I know the pain and it doesn't seem to take a rest. I just don't think it is for us to understand. My Mother always told me that "hell" is here on earth and everything we go through is to prepare us for the future. Now that can be taken as a very pesimistic attitude i.e. maybe something in our future will be even worse but I look at it that life is a journey and we do learn from all our experiences. In that great day in the future you may meet someone wonderful who loves you and that you love. You will never love them in the same way as your lost love, but it is possible to find happiness again. And since you were lucky this first time around, it's for sure that experience will keep you from falling for any man who doesn't measure up. Hope I have made some sense to you. I'm just a fellow traveller on this scary seemingly never ending road back to some kind of living. Caroline

Dear Karen, Thank you so much for your reply. I had composed a more comprehensible post but couldn't figure out how to send it last week. I need to explain the "invisible" part. What I really mean is that as an older woman - I think it actually starts at around age 55 - I am used to being invisible when out and about doing errands etc. But as long as I had Ed, it didn't bother me. I still felt validated as a woman and person. Now, I seem to just not have any identity. Just another lost, lonely soul that no one quite knows what to do with. Now - that sounds whiny, but I don't mean it that way. There really isn't anything anyone can do. I notice seveal people have mentioned that family isn't much help but seems the people who are lucky enough to have grandchildren seen to be able to handle things better. I don't have any and never will. My two daughters never wanted children. Well- again, thanks for your kind words. I can tell you are a beautiful person inside and out. Caroline

Dear Joe, I read your post yesterday and re-read it today. You are very good at putting into words how I feel. Just wanted to let you know I understand. And it helped me to know someone else feels how I feel. I have found that for the first month, people are willing to listen but now it has been 2 months and no one wants to hear it. I am so glad I have our little dog, Lacy. She understands and still listens and searches for Ed, my husband. S0, I talk to her and she sits very still and listens. Thank you for your posting - venting is good. Caroline

My husband Ed died on February 23rd. That is all I know for sure. I am 69 years old and feel I should be capable of taking this in stride after all the years of living with the belief that if we are lucky enough to live this long that we will experience loss. I wish I could say being older makes it easier but it doesn't. Love has always been the greatest gift that gives all of life meaning. Sorry, I'm not making any sense but I just wanted to reach out and let each and every one of you know that I understand and care. I have no answers and not even any questions. I'm scared, feel very vunerable, unstable and not up to any challenges. I am lonely but prefer to be alone. I did receive one card with a verse I would like to share with you. Why? That's what we ask. The truth is, we may never be able to know for sure why. But we do know that there is no single "should have done" or "could have done" or "did" or "didn't do" that would have changed that why. All that love could do was done.