delphyne

I CAN'T SAY I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL CAUSE I WAS CLOSE TO MY DAD WHEN HE PASSED AWAY, BUT I CAN TELL YOU THIS, I GREW UP HATING MY GRANDMOM SHE WAS NOT GOOD WITH ME OR MY SISTER.SHE PASSED AWAY IN DECEMBER. I LIVE ABOUT 15 HOURS AWAY FROM ALL MY FAMILY. AN I DEBATED ON WEATHER I SHOULD GO OR NOT, BUT THEN I CAME TO THE RELIZATION THAT I HAD TO GO FOR ME. IT WAS THE BEST THING I COULD HAVE DONE. WE WERE ALOWD ALONE TIME WITH HER AN I TOLD HER ALL OF WHAT I HAD FELT AS A CHILD GROWING UP. THINGS THAT I WAS NOT ABLE TO TELL HER WHEN SHE WAS ALIVE. IT WAS THE BEST THING I COULD HAVE DONE FOR MYSELF. I LEFT THE FUNERAL FELLING BETTER THAN I HAVE IN A LONG TIME. YES I WAS SAD CAUSE SHE WAS GONE AN I WOULD NEVER GET TO KNOW HER AS A PERSON, BUT I NO LONGER FELT THAT I HATED HER. I NO LONGER RESENTED THE WAY SHE TREATED ME GROWING UP. I HOPE THAT THIS WILL HELP YOU IN SOME WAY AN WISH YOU THE BEST DELPHYNE

an that is what everyone is telling me that i need to get over this an move on an i don't know how or if i can.

some days i sit an all i want to do is cry. it seems so unfair. i know everyone has loss, but it seems that i have had more than my shair of it in the past 2 years. as of yesterday we layed to rest my aunt. so this makes 7 people that i have lost. an to make matters worse i have lost myself. i don't even know who i am anymore. all the people i have talked to says that the death gets easyer as time goes on but i don't see it. an i am so tired of people telling me they know how i feel cause nobody knows what i am going threw, yes people can sympathize, but they don't know how i feel. an i am not saying nobody dose cause i know there are people that are going therw things like mine, but the people that are telling me this have no idea. like my hubby, he has never lost someone close to him until last october, an he lost a aunt, yes i konw he loved her but thats not the same as loosing a parent or a sister. an i know it was hard on him when i lost the baby, but he wasn't even there for me he was at work, he couldn't even take off to be with me when it happend. an i know thats how some people deal with death is to go on with there life cause thats what i have done for the past 2 years but i want TO TALK!! an when i try to talk to him he changes the subject. i know it would help me to talk to him, but i guess that want ever happen

hi my name is delphyne an this is my story: it has been two years ago on febuary 17 since we found out my dad was dead. i was 7 months along with my daughter. i had just gotten home from alabama an got a call from my sister asking me if i knew daddys cell phone number, i told her not buy heart but i had it on speed dile why. she tells me the fbi are in the yard looking for daddy. so i tryed calling him. he didn't answer whitch was strange cause no matter what time day or night i called he was there. so i callled my sister back an she was crying, i knew sometihng was wrong i asked her what was up an she was like i can't tell you. i yelled at her an told her to tell me what the heck was going on an she was like daddy is dead. i was in shock i told her to put an adult on the phone. my aunt got on the phone an was like you dad was found dead in his house. i was like what happened. they wouldn't tell us anything at the time. after i got back to alabama they had told my mom more of what had happened. come to find out someone had broken into my dads house an killed him. an he had layed on the floor dead for over 3 days. that like to have killed me. since then they have found the person who has done it but she is still awating trile. she is out. free to go where she please. but me i am in hell. my dad was my rock he was the one that no matter what it was he was there for me. i feel like a peace of my soul is missing. all i want to do is cry i can't even look at picturs of him without crying. i just can't seem to move on. i know it is cause of the fact htat all during the funeral i had to be the strong on. the whole family was leaning on me. an i have not greeved for him. then less than 4 months after my dad died i lost a sister, then 6 months after that i lost a uncle but inbetween this i had a miscarage i was 6 months along an both of the babys died. then in november i lost another uncle an then december 26 my grandmom died. this has been a hell of a two years for me i have not had time to greave for one person befor we lost another. it is tearing my life apart my husband is ready to leave me cause he says i am not the same person. i never smile. i am snippy with everyone. everyone says it gets easyer with time well mine hasn't it seems to get harder. i feel so lost. i have tryed theropy an they have me enought antidepressents to kill a horse. if anyone has any ideas how i can get past this i would welcome the ideas with open arms... delphyne