Sam

I've been wondering if there might be a place on this message board for letters written to the loved one who has died... I know that is something they tell you to do, to write a letter, but might it not be better to post those letters? I talk to my Dad all the time but I also feel connected to him when I post on this board -- as though he's reading it. It's comforting to me to just write in a place where Dad and others can read, that I miss him and love him so much. I love you, Daddy, please know how much I miss you... Sam

Dear Leslie, I'm so sorry for your loss. My Dad died on January 17th and I miss him more than I can say. You and I are so blessed, Leslie, to have had such close and loving relationships with our Dads. So many people are conflicted in sorrow -- I've been describing my heartbreak as pure -- I just miss him and that pain is consuming. Your Dad loved you, Leslie, and he continues to love you. Be well...

Thank you, Marty. I cried so hard when I wrote my first post a few days ago and was surprised as to how much better I felt afterward. It's not that I haven't cried since my Dad died, I cry every day, but it was the expression of my sadness in writing something that others would read that seemed to help. I'm grateful for this message board. The love I feel for me Dad is so alive and present. I never ever want that love to go away. My father was such a loving man, so generous and dear. His name is Dr. Robert Joseph Gauthier and I never, ever want the world to forget him. I love you, Daddy, and I always will. Please stay with me...

My Dad died on January 17th. I miss him so much. I can't get my mind around the the realities of his death -- how is it possible I'll never hear my Dad's voice again? How is it possible I'll never hold his hand again? How is it possible that he won't be at my wedding? How can I not get him Christmas presents or birthday presents? I can't get my mind around the though that I will never see him again. I love him -- I love him so much and that is emotion is alive! God damn it -- I want him back! I want him healthy and strong and alive and I want to hug him one more time... Oh Daddy, I love you so much and I miss you so much.

My Dad was an amazing man, a wonderful and loving father. He accomplished so much in his life -- as a Medic in WWII, a Ph.D. in Microbiology -- he was a generous and dear man to the last day of his life. I love his so much. He died on January 17, 2005 and I miss him so much it physically hurts.

My Dad died on January 17th. I'll be grateful, for the rest of my life, that his death was so peaceful and painless. That I was with him, holding his hand when he died. It was his decision to enter the hospice and forgo any further treatment which may have extended his life but could not cure him. I'm very grateful for the time I had with him and more grateful than I could ever express for the care he received at the Hospice of the Valley in Scottsdale. All that said, I miss him. I cry more frequently now than I did the weeks following his death. I'm more unsure that I said the right things and that I said enough to him about his decision to forego treatment while he was in the hospital. I don't know that he knew how much I'd miss him. I told him I would but I feel his loss far greater than I said I would. I told him, "Daddy, I'm going to miss you so much" and he said, "Thank you, sweetheart". But I should habe repeated to him a million times, "I love you Daddy, I'm going to miss you, I'm going to miss you, I'm going to miss you". God, I want to feel his presence! I want him to know what I'm feeling. Every day seems to get harder for me -- sadder, more tearfilled. His nickname for me was "Sam" -- he's called me Sam since the day I was born; no one else calls me Sam and no one else ever will and that hurts so much I feel crushed by it. When I think of the future, I have to remind myself that he won't be there. I'll never hear his voice again. I wish everyone reading this could have known my Dad -- I wish I could have met each and everyone of your parents who I know you're mourning (or you wouldn't be on this board). Thank you...