She wasn't just a friend to me, she was like a sister. It has been almost four months now but not much has gotten better. I had thought before about what I would do if i lost a friend, but never expected it to happen. Even in my worst thoughts I didn't think it would hurt this bad. I am not able to put these feelings into words. People tell me that it is better to talk about it and that they are there whenever I need to get it out, but I am not able to. I can't find a way to get all the emotion out. I am able to forget sometimes, and go on with my life. This girl meant so much to me though, it is hard to get excited about things now. Sometimes I don't even see a reason in going to school, or getting out of bed, or doing anything really. It feels like nothing else matters, because nothing is how it used to be. I had everything figured out and I was happy, but then overnight my life was twisted and torn apart. The worst part is the feeling of helplessness. I am the type of person who likes to be in control. I hate how there is nothing I can do to change an event that has so greatly altered my life. With the feeling of not having control over it happening, I feel like i have lost control of all aspects of my life. I feel selfish when I do things only thinking about myself. I just want to be able to take back control of my life.
