Scribe

How resonant your words are with me. I, too, lost my best friend, sweetheart, and soulmate of 44 years in December of 2004. She was such an integral part of my being that I truly don't know who I am. We each have a distinctive pattern of grief; a long road that we must travel inch by inch. Just know that you are not alone. There are many of us. Communicating does help. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

billyanne, Further along inthe book, there's another quote which I have engraved in my mind: "We are still in love. We will be still married, still in love. Therefore we shall still ache. But we are not at all ...seeking the aches for their own sake. The less of them the better, so long as the marriage is preserved. And the more joy there can be in the mariage between dead and living, the better." I know that feeling of suspension, dangling helplessly. Around my neck, I wear Janie's wedding ring on a gold chain. It reminds me to think of what she would want me to do. She was a strong, positive woman. I know she wouldn't want me to give up. Maybe I'm waiting to gather the strength to go on...and while I'm waiting I will use every resource I can find to help me get through this. Writing these messages is one of those resources. So, thank you for responding. Fred

I'm new to this group as well. My wife of 44 years passed away of a sudden heart attack on December 26, 2004. Driving home in the car this morning, I was thinking of a title for my first posting and came up with "Identity Crisis." Imagine how suprised I was to see your message. I was always "Fred" of "Fred & Jane." Now, I'm not sure who I am. But a friend gave me a copy of "A Grief Observed," by C. S. Lewis, which has the following quote, "Bereavement is not the truncation of married love but one of its regular phases...What we want is to live our marriage well and faithfully through that phase too." This has beocome my goal. It is what I think you are doing and I salute you for it.