Matthew618

I appreciate the support we all give each other. I'm having a bad day so I would like to share my story. For the most part, I think I am doing well. I feel my grief and work through it. but I am for the most part still functioning in life. Mom died on the 11th of this month. It was a surprise, she had COPD for the past 3 years and went to the hospital with Pnemonia (spelling?). She was looking better after 5 days and we were talking about bringing her home. She still lived by herself and while she did not get around as well as she use to (she was 80) and many of her friends had died, she was in good health. On the Tuesday, they had her up to use the bathroom and she went bad. Within 1 day it looked grim and we placed her on hospice on Thursday. She died Friday night at 5:20. It was very shocking but my brother and I were there for her till the end. her lungs just could not clear the congestion. I have some guilt that maybe we should have tried more. She signed a no code and I know that was her wish, but I still feel guilty. But I still loved seeing her and visiting and having her over for dinner. I just plain miss her and I am sad.

Brenda, I am so sorry for your loss. I can tell how much you cared about your mother by the way you describe her. I'm sorry your father and siblings are not as supportive as you need during this time. They may be handling their grief on their own terms. My brother is very similar. I'm a hugger and crier, he is stoic. But he still grives inside. I would not hold it against them, maybe they can support you in other ways. I suggest finding another source of support - spouse, friend, clergy and even this website. You family may never meet your needs nor will you meet theirs, but you can find comfort in many other areas. Matt

I know how you feel. When my father died, I just basicaaly sat at work and did nothing for weeks. When my mother in law committed suicide, I was luck to find some busy work that lasted a couple months. My mother died just 1 week ago and again I am unable to work. I go to work and luckily have some great guys who work for me. I told them i would be on autopilot for a while and that they would need to take up the slack. They are great people and will do that. I suggest you set your goals a little lower and ask those closest to you to help you while you are recovering. True friends won't even question that. I suspect you'll find out how many people understand and care about you. Nobody is expecting you to jump back into things so quickly. My sincere sympathy on your loss. I can tell she was very special to you. and I'm also sure she knew how good of a son you were to her.

Wilma, I can not tell you if your mother gave up but I can tell you you did what you thought was best for her. That's all we can do for our loved ones who die. Matt