I had a huge fight with a friend of 20 years. Everytime I talked about my sister's death (8-14-05), she would bring up the death of her Mom and Dad, 20 years ago, and her brother - 10 years ago. I was very, very close to my sister and it was like a part of me died. I went into a deep depression for 11 months and finally started an antidepressant, which pulled me out of the abyss. My friend was driving me crazy. She talks too much and everytime I mentioned my sister, she'd roll her eyes and then tell me something about her brother's death (they were not at all close, although I know she loved him). This went on for over a year. Finally, we had a fight about something else, and she changed her email address and phone number so I couldn't contact her. I thought that was really silly, but I wrote her a letter apologizing for my part in the fight and suggesting we meet for the sake of our 20 year friendship. I haven't heard from her. She's always been very proud of this "holding a grudge" mentality. I've heard that holding a grudge is like taking poison and hoping your enemy dies. So now I've lost my sister, who was my best friend, and my friend of 20 years, who I thought was a good friend. I'm ok, but really freaked out by my ex-friends competiveness about grief. Part of the fight was that I thought my grief was worse than hers. I kept telling her I didn't think it was worse, just different. I had a much different relationship with my sister than she did with her brother. And she didn't seem to be affected at all by his death at the time. She went on with her life as usual and only started to tell me about him after MY sister died. What do you think?
