FLERIN

Spela, Sorry for some of the misspellings on the last entry. I was caught up and going a mile a minute. Erin

Hi Spela, You know these people who ask these ridiculous things what the hell do they know right. I can relate to you when you say they ask oh what kind of diet are you on I lost 34 pounds since my husband has been gone and when they say oh you look great your losing weight I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. They have no clue the ins and outs that we go through everyday. We are on the widows weight loss plan. This is not a damn diet. Thats what I want to say to them. i just want them to see and feel for just five minutes what it feels like to go through what we continue to go through everyday and you know what most of them could not handle such a tramatic experience!!! Just because we have to put on a certain face in the morning doesnt mean thats how we feel internally and I am sure we are on the same level on this one right? I think I will right a book or somethig What to say to a grieving person kinda like the DO's & Don'ts" why not they have books for everything else right. I hope you day is going better today I will attempt at having a ok day I dont ask for good days because what the hell would that be? I dont remember. I just thank god for everyday that I am here with my daughter and for myself. Talk to soon . Erin

Hi Spela, Things are just ok right now. I've had a couple of stressful weeks. My in-laws were in town for a week and a half and even though it was really great to see them inside I was a really big wreck. I have had a couple of dr's appointments to so I really havent had time personally for myself and I am realizing how very important it is that I take time for myself. Meeting all of you and others on this site really helps alot. To just talk with others who without even knowing you but you still know and understand what it is we are going through. You know? Also listen to this its been alittle over 4 months since my Joe has been gone and some people are just so ummm should I say mean "no" just no compassionate I think thats the word. I had someone ask me the other day if I was ready to date again "hell no" I am still in love with my husband. How can I even remotely try to be with someone else I dont think so. I just love my Joe so much. I know that years from now I may feel differently but now is just not the time. I am still trying to deal with the whole process of being alone. I was once very independent then I met Joe and I became very co-dependent to now trying to be independent again. This is such a hard road. But I have to do this for me and my daughter. Life is so very precious we often forget this sometimes. I bet though all of us on this site never will forget how very precious it is. i find myself sad for everyone too! I hope all is well with you Spela thank you for checking on me it truly means alot to know someone outside my family and someone I can relate to cares. Thank you again. Erin

Spela, I am totally with you on missing him more. I miss my husband it seems more than i've I have ever miss anything in the world. I just want to him here alive again in my life. Yes I do believe he is watching over me but it just isnt the same. There is no response when I talk to him and no hugs or kisses or just a simple good morning I Love You. I miss that so much. My husband and I always had an additional saying to I Love You we would say to each other " chicken butt" which meant to us I love U. Our daughter started it and now my daughter will say it to me and it just makes me cry for happiness and sadness. Sometimes its just the little things you know. I am so glad I found this site and all you wonderful people to talk to who actually know what its like to go through hell everyday. Thanks for being here. I hope you have a ok day today. I try really hard not to say have a good day because its been 4 months since my Joe passed away and I still havent had a good day and wouldnt know one if it hit me! Talk to you soon! Erin

Hi Spela, Im sorry to hear of your loss. It's really hard to know what to say or do I know because there isnt anything anyone can do to make me feel better and as for not going out to the usual places you would nomarlly go I completely understand. I dont really talk to or go out to many places anymore. I just hate seeing everyone else so happy and knowing how miserable I feel. Is that wrong? As for your b-day coming up I also can feel on that mine was in March and let me say my husband used to make such a big deal about my day and this year it truly sucked and I didnt go anywhere except to my sisters. I'm sure everyone would understand not wanting to celebrate. Maybe for yourself that day try to go get a massage or pedicure or take a long walk I dont know if these things would work for you but they are relaxing to me. I hope your days start to get better soon! My ears are open if you need to talk. Erin

Hello I'm sorry to hear about all of your losses I just wanted to wrie this you never get over a death of a loved one you "live through it" not get over. So when someone tells you to get over it tell them to stick it.

Hello I find myself feeling alot of the things your a re feeling about being co-dependant. How do we regain our self from such tragedy? I'm still not sure but I also lost my soulmate in Dec 2004 and my heart truly goes out to you and everyone who is going through such pain as we are. There are no comforting words that I have heard yet but we must stay strong because thats what our loved ones would want us to do. I'm sorry for your loss. I know you were looking for maybe some insight I have none to offer except just know there are others going through this and i'm glad I found this sight to reach out to. I pray for all everyone who has felt such loss.

I am so sorry for your loss. i can definitly relate to how you are feeling i lost my husband and my father Dec 2004 and struggle everyday. Yes time has helped alittle but its so hard because I also have a little girl but she is 6 and thinks its my fault daddy has passed away. I now deal with anxiety panic attacks everyday and my biggest strengths are my daughter , my mom, and my faith in the lord. I don't attend church regularly but i must say I have nevered prayed harder in my whole entire life. My husband and I were also soulmates and i will say please keep moving forward as hard as it is because the longer we stay in one spot the harder it is to even try to move on. And again hun I am so very sorry for your loss.

Where do I begin? I'm still not sure. I am a young 28 year old woman who has lost so much so fast. My husband passed away December 20, 2004 and my dad passed away December 25,2004, yes only five days apart. This story is still so very hard to swallow for most including myself but it so very hard for me everyday. I have started counseling twice a week and let me say it really does help. The hardest part of that was walking through the door to my counselor office for the very first time. I know I am not hte only person going through such a tragidy but let me say I feel so alone. I have a very large and loving family yet I still feel very alone because my husband and I were so insepartable. How do I find myself now that my best friend, lover, soulmate is now gone from my life in an instant? I rely alot on prayer because I know that everything happens for a reason but this whole situation really makes me wonder things like what did I do so wrong to deserve this or why me? Then there are other times I sit back and say you are being so very selfish because I miss them so much. Should I not be selfish? This was my husband and my dad! I truly admired both of them for so many reasons one being they both were marines and they both had the ability to make everything better even if life was crappy that day they always made it better. Most of all they both loved me no matter what I said or did. I loved them just the same and I will continue to love them everyday of my life. If any one has any suggestions or thoughts please feel free to send them my way. I've got my ears turned on!!!!!! Thanks for listening Erin in Florida