I am normally a strong person and had been strong for my husband during his many years of illness. Strong for my kids when I wanted to cry for them and with them. Strong at work and for all my staff listening to their issues and problems which to mine seem small and I want to say "HELLOOO!!! I am a widow at 40!". But again I'm there strong for them and all their needs. And so life goes on. I didn't find my family overhwhelmingly supportive and still don't so I HAVE to be strong for me and my gilrs. BUT I AM TIRED. I haven't decided if I'm really strong or if it all an act. It will be three years this August and it's getting harder and harder to cope. I want my husabnd back, my normal life that others were envious of. I am blessed that I have my girls and they seem to be coping well. They were a big part of my husband illness helping out and being there and knowing the outocme was going to be death we were always honest and enjoyed the good times and bad times together. Did I mention that cancer sucks. Just latley I'd like to throw in the rag and hang back in a non stressful job and think about life and what I am supposed to do and why I'm here. I can't though as I have two girls graduating next year; one college one high school. How can I find the strength to keep going. I think all of heaven is over me. St Jude, patron of hopelss cases, blows me off!!! So how do I understand if at three years this is normal or am I finally crapping out.....I think not but it sure sounds good to me! Please advise...