emcee

My boss's father just passed away over the weekend. I went to the funeral but I just dont know what to say to him. I just lost my little sister three months ago and Im still not over it. Death seems to be around me this year.

In the midst of sadness, there will be happiness. In the fear of being lost, there I will be found. In the rage of anger, there will be forgiveness. In the drop of an endless fall, there will be the comfort of ground. In the eyes that always tear, there I'll find the warmth of a pillow. In the pain that breaks the heart, there will be a lending hand. In the aches of memories, there will be a reminicing glow. In the rugged path that leads ahead, there will be the softness of sand. In all the sorrow that is now, there will be a place where it is never miss. In the love that we have, there will always be the sweet touch of forever. ....And if you question how I know all of this? This I will say......"cos everyday Bing-Bing leads me there." **** I miss you little sister Emelvee "Bing-Bing" Calungcaguin jan.14.1986 - mar.31.2005

Hi Carolina, I didn't lose a child and Im not a parent yet. But I recently lost my little sister. Throughout this whole thing, I cant even imagine what my mom is going through. I cant even begin to imagine having to lose a child and I wont even begin to tell you how to feel. But one thing that I can tell you is not to feel guilty. The last few months of my sister's life, my mom and her were always in disagreement. My sister was becoming a young adult and it was really hard for my mom to give her the freedom that she wanted cos she's the baby girl of the family. They went through counceling together and in one of the last session of their counceling, my sister realized that my mom loves her and that's why she was like that. After her death, my mom was overcome with guilt. Feeling guilty is normal cos I, too, feel guilty about my sister's death cos she had collapsed at my apartment under my care. I am not gonna say to stop feeling guilty cos I, too, havent passed that yet. But what I can tell you, in which I remind myself also everyday, is that our relationship with our family, may it be mother-child, brother-sister, or sister-sister, there will always be forgiveness and unconditional love. It's tempting to look back and think about what we can change but the truth of it all is that in out lifetime there is no happiness without sadness, no ambitions without failure, and no peace without pain. From this pain that we're going through, we can only find peace when we grow and learn from it. The pain of losing my sister is unbearable. I know I cant change the past but Im still living to change the future. We are all not given one chance nor second chances, but we are given infinite chances each second of the day and thus, its when we can change what's ahead of us...In the passing of my little sister, I began to believe that everything happens for a reason. I have to. I have to believe that there is a purpose for all of to find and learn from her death. It may be hard for you to believe but somewhat I believe that there is a purpose of why your children are taken away from you. I have to believe that or all are done for nothing. Life is not really about what we can do, what we can accomplish, but it is about what we can learn from it. And what we learn from it, we can give to those after us. My sister left behind that honesty to oneself is the core of our individuality and life.....Your didnt leave you with nothing, they left you with love and lessons from their short time with you. Embrace what they left behind and use it to make them proud....... Another thing too is dont question the length of your grieving. We are gonna be sad cos we miss them and nobody can erase that feeling from us. Always praying for you and your children, Marie

I'll be beside you until the very end, wiping all your tears away, being your best friend. I'll smile when you smile & feel all the pain you do; And if you cry a single tear, I promise I'll cry too. by my lil' sister, emelvee calungcaguin 01/14/86 - 03/31/05

Hi Im edmarie, Im not a teenager anymore, Im 24, but I just lost my little sister two months ago, she was 19...just somewhat relieve that I have a place to go to where I can vent or hear about other people going through the same thing.

Hi Katie, All of the people in here truly cares about each other. We all share the same thing and that's the pain that alot of people are fortunate enough not to have. Dont ever think that you're wasting someone's time. Im new on this site and even though I dont know the people in here, I feel like we are so close to each other. Closer than how I feel towards my friends in my home. If you wanna talk about your brother every second of the day, that's fine. Nobody will tell you to stop. I wanna leave you with something that my little sister, who passed away two months ago, wrote: "I'll be beside you until the very end, wiping all your tears away, being your best friend. I'll smile when you smile, and feel all the pain that you do; And if you cry a single tear, I promise I'll cry too." We'll always be here for you. love always, edmarie

Thank you MartyT...Yesterday was my sister's two months death anniversary and it was such a coincidence that I the hospital to where she stayed called me to pick up her medical records. When I got to the hospital, I felt like I couldnt walk in but then the doctors and nurses remembered me right away cos they remembered my sister. It was just a reminder of how many people she affected. I know that the hospital staff felt the pain that we are going through because each one walked along with us when we walked by my sister's side when she was being transferred to the Operating room for organ donation....Each day hurts as time passes. I dont know how I can get use to this. Im going to see an individual councelor next tuesday, he wants me to talk about that moment when I found my sister in the bathroom... I just dont know if I can....... Thank you though for your thoughts and advice, emcee

I am new at this....I had just lost my little sister almost two months ago from a sudden cardiac arrest. She was only 19 and we really didnt expect it. EVerything that you wrote related to how Im feeling. I really dont know what to do at times and I refuse to be happy because its not fair for her....I thought about taking my life to be with her but at the same time, you're right, we dont want to put our parents through that pain again. I havent gone out or talk to any of my friends, I just dont feel like working on my relationships with them. AT times I hate them. I hate the fact that they are enjoying life while my sister is gone. I might see a councelor but I dont know if that's even gonna help....All Im saying is that I thought I was alone, I thought I was the only one that felt this. But I know we have to remember that whenever we do have that thought of taking our life, it is important for us to remember that the first people that would've stop us from doing so would've been your brother and my little sister. They would've been the first people that would've told us not to be selfish and make them proud. That's my only comfort everyday. I want to be the big sister that I could've been for her and hope that I make her proud each day. But I do tell her though not to force me to be happy cos I dont think I'll ever be. I hope that she understands that.....I will keep you and your brother in my mind and heart. Take care.

It's been almost two months since my sister had passed. My family is a big family of seven. Im the oldest of five kids and my little sister was the second from the youngest and the baby girl. Em was only 19 when she suffered a cardiac arrest at my apartment on Easter sunday of this year. My twin sister and I found her in the bathroom floor. She was still concious but lost it within minutes. I can still remember how cold she felt in my arms and how I couldnt hear her heart. The paramadics got to my apartment in time to revive her. We really thought that she was gonna be okay but soon later at the Emergency dept., she began having seizures. The doctors then told us that they found a congenital syndrome in her heart. All those times that they were administering oxygen to her, her heart wasnt circulating it well enough into her brain, thus her brain started diminishing. Em stayed with us for four more days until she was declared brain dead. Within that four days, we had so much hope and belief in miracles that she would wake up. Instead, our hopes were crushed. From all of this, I am grateful that we had those four days to reminise memories with her, even though she couldn't hear us. We also had our chances to say good bye. One thing about my little sister was that she was a strong advocate of life even at a young age. She had signed up as an organ donor as soon as she got her driving license and talked about it constantly with everybody. She would also take time to donate blood at drives for she knew there were people out there that needed it, and best of all, she had an ambition to become a great nurse....A week ago, we received a letter from an organ donation organization saying that my sister saved the lives of a 38 & 45 years old men, and as well as a 50 years old woman. ..... Since the death of my little sister, everything in life changed and I know it will never be the same. Even though my family is big and we're pretty close, its still hard to grief together since each one of us doesnt want to make it any worse for the other. I actually live away from the family. I wish to go back to my parents' but its hard with work and everything. I do go back home on the weekends and that's when I feel the most comfort. However, during the week, the pain is just too unbearable sometimes that I dont know what to do. I hate to talk to my friends because I feel like everybody is a fake, my boyfriend of five years, who became a great part of my family, lives in Michigan and I only get to see him on the weekends. I just want to be alone but at the same time I dont. My chest hurts all the time and I get headaches often. I cant sleep without my boyfriend staying on the phone with me all night and all the lights and tv on. Sometimes I drink so that I can fall asleep easily...I just dont know what to do. I know that she's gone but I dont know if I can accept it. I cant accept the fact that I will never see her, laugh with her, cry with her again. I just cant. I cant imagine how life will be without her and I know that I will never be truly happy again. She wasnt just my little sister, she was my best friend along with my twin sister. Its always suppose to be the three girls together, the three "charmed" ones, but now there's only two. Im going to a councelor in a week but Im not really sure I wanna go.