stellar

ok so i know this is really late in reply, and you may have moved on, but i can relate and im kinda going through the same thing... its like, the emotions are fully there, but they just cant seem to get out, and its SO FRUSTRATING! i too put on that "brave face" as if nothing is wrong around friends and family, but it just gets to that point where you dont want to have to do that, like youre tired of pretending.like ijust want to feel the emotions and get them out, so it can all be over with, but then its like...will it ever be over im really sorry and i know this doesnt help you much, but just know that you are not alone and there are soo many people who care for you, and you can always talk to a complete stranger (me ) as its always nice to have an outsider listen without opinions of you

background: my dad passed away 3 years ago when i was 15 from a heart attack while he was away on a motorcycle trip, and it was such a sudden shock for everyone and needless to say, a great loss. a year following, my sister, mom and i moved over to england to be closer to my two brothers and relatives. this was so much change for us all and i felt as if a had to put on a brave face for my mom and sister, so i bottled my emotions up and every couple months i'd emotionally burst. i think since he was away when it happened, i think he is still on his trip and will be coming back, but then i know hes not..so im in denial, but acceptance???? now i just feel so emotionless and blank. like i cant fully feel emotions to their full extent. i have a great life but when im happy i feel like something missing, like im not as happy as everyone else (i know, how cliche). but i find it strange that i rarely feel sad like other people i know, or depressed and i never cry infront of people. is this normal at all? ive thought about seeing a councelor, but im a bit embarrassed to ask my mom. i think its that i dont like people to see me vulnerable, and i dont like being pitied im realllly confused about what im feeling (or not feeling!) and any input or people relating would be great. and if not, then it has been good to get it off my chest thank you for reading x