Dear Sam, Your post has been here a while, and I am wondering to myself if you will ever even see this. I have come to this sight by chance tonight because I am hurting more now, 7 months after my father's death than I did in October. Your post made my cry because you said that you chose the name Sam on here as it was what your father called you. I on the other hand, was the big H. I feel at times, that I am the woman who was sitting in the backroom of her job, on a cell phone, telling my father that I loved him, and that if he could hold on until I got back to him, but if he couldn't it was ok to go. It was at that time, that he took his last breath. To this day, I feel that I am still sitting there on the phone, while life is going on around me. My friends getting married, having babies, and while I do have a wonderful husband, and honestly could ask for much else in my life except for more time, I feel more lost as the days go by. I am truly having a very hard time understanding why I am being affected now so much more. In six weeks, I will travel to Ireland with my sisters, husband and my step mother (Mutti) to follow through with my dad's request of having his ashes scattered over the coast of Killaloe. Maybe then, can I try to begin to get by a little better. Until then, I will wear my yellow LIVESTRONG arm band, and have the mizpah I gave him watch over me while I am in my car. My heart goes out to you. I wish you peace, and understanding....the same as I wish for myself. Know that neither of us are alone. The big H p.s. I almost forgot, I have written letters to my father since his death as well, and while I'm not sure that I would post them, it would be nice to have that opportunity available.
