karen033150

Well, I left the house this am and decided to go to the Mall where I would take mom in the wheelchair and have some lunch, check out the puppies at the petstore and just cruise. It is 115 degrees here in Phoenix; so the AC being pumped up there helped me. The experience was so painful that at times I could hardly breathe. I was dazed as I went in and out of stores we frequented. I avoided even walking by the food court. From afar I glanced at tables where we would sit. It's so stupid; but I can never go into a Sees Candy Shop and get a free sample of candy again. I tried to walk ever so fast so that no one would see this frantic person. I used to work at JCPenney there, but went out of my way to avoid former co-workers with whom I have visited there for years since I have left. The first thing they would ask is how mom is. The few times I have had to get the words out, "my mom died," I nearly passed out. It is only 1PM, and I am taking to my bed now. I have touched many of here possessions today again. I have sat on her closet floor and bawled again. The days seem to be getting longer. Thanks for hearing me.

Thank you leann and shell. After my feet touched the ground today I came to my computer to read your posts. I appreciate your thoughts and kindness. I will work my best at this day, today. I am new to this so am not certain how to reply. Thank you again.

I lost my dear mom on 5/28/08. I am 58; but lived with her all but 3 years of my life. I was a caregiver for my dad for five years. He is gone 11 years now. Mom became quite ill during the same time; and I cared for them both. I left my job and was caregiver for mom for 15 years. The past couple of years it was practically every minute of every day that she needed me. I loved every moment, and was privileged to have that gift. I would do it until the day I die if she could still be with me. She used to say she never wanted to leave me. She suffered so the past couple of years; and I know she did it for me. She was the love of my life, and I feel I can't do it. When she was dying she asked me if I would go with her. For hours she repeated that she loved me. I long to touch her and hug her for long time. I wander from room to room. I have two brothers who tell me to live my life now and go meet someone. Now I feel that when my mom's estate is settled and my things are in order that I don't care what happens to me. I can't face another morning, afternoon or night. I tried so hard to prepare. I knew this would be painful; but didn't have a clue. I was so strong and could accomplish anything for so long. Now I feel like a small child who cannot make a decision. I will keep reading posts on this site. Please pray for me, as I will for you.